sagaciously is...: Man Up!

Aight, I know I haven't talked much about my lovelife (or lack therof) lately. Frankly, there hasn't been much to talk about. When my gallbladder fled, it took my libido with it...

However, the mojo reappeared before the libido reappeared. So, the brothers have been hollerin', and sans libido, I've been able to look at some of them objectively, assess where they're at & determine whether they were worth my time, without lust coloring my perspective. I've got two words for them:

MAN. UP.

I suspect the problem is this whole over-hyped, over-rated "Metrosexual" BS, but frankly - bruh - it's over. Yes, you should keep your hair cut, nails clean, and give a dayum about how you dress. But quite honestly, the trend was really a fad, and if you can, you should retire the following:
~ Fruit-loop Colored Striped shirts: monotone tie on shirt is WAY sexier, and only lean dudes really pulled this jawn off anyway. And stripes + satin = awning/upholstery
~ Overdone Accessories: Vest + Tie/Ascot + Pocket Square + Argyle Socks = Too FRIGGIN Much
~ SuperTailored Haircuts & Mustaches: Groomed is one thing...That miniature razor sharp line above your mouth you call a mustache is just irritating. AND your razor stubble itches.
~ Texturizers: despite my nappy state, and any anti-perm leanings, even when I was permed...any dude that spends more time in the hair salon than I do IS JUST WRONG
~ Fragrance: smelling clean + fresh = good. Smelling vanila with hints of amber and acacia = over the top.

Ok, I can't speak for ALL women, but I personally want a manly Man. Man's man. Marlboro Man. Someone who can rope fillies and bust broncos. Ok, at least KNOWS how to change my tires & oil (or has someone who can on speed dial). Big, thick Tom Selleck Mustaches. Suits are wonderful, but with minimal accessories (tie, pocket square). Monotone ties & shirts are still gangsta. And I'm pretty sure Old Spice is gonna make a comeback - I SWEAR!

Aesthetics aside, I know we asked for sensitive dudes. Sensitivity is a wonderful, nurturing thing, allowing you to snuggle, handle your business, and understand the other ½ of the world. Fine. GREAT.

OVERSENSITIVITY is a whole OTHER animal. Y'all don't find that attractive about women, hell. Why do guys think we'd find it attractive in men?

< singing Amerie > You's a grown a$$ man, dawg - you can't even stand on your own two feet...You need to change your tone, and get your swagger goin', you gotta hold your own...

Want an example? Keep reading...

I get this phantom IM from this dude...

passive-aggressive_dude: 'Sup?
me: ?
passive-aggressive_dude: ? what ?
me: You IM'ed me - I'm assuming you did this for a reason....????
passive-aggressive_dude: oh yeah, this is _______ (real name) we met a while ago at _____ (location). I hadn't heard from you, and was wondering if you're still interested....

Now, my prob isn't really that he phantom IM'ed me. My prob is - COME AT ME! See, this is how the conversation should have gone...

passive-aggressive_dude: Hey, this is _______ (real name) we met a while ago at _____ (location). I hadn't heard from you, and was wondering if you're still interested....
me: Oh hey _______, sorry I didn't get back to you.....

See how EASY that was? And for those of you who need more hints, here are a few...

~ Don't call me whining because I didn't call you. I'm BUSY. Ninjas are f.o.r.e.v.e.r. whining about wanting women of substance, who have their own lives, own $$$, own friends, and ain't clingy. Then you find one, and your a$$ wants to curl up in a ball in the corner, whining about "you don't spend enough time with me, boo..... Y'all know the song title...
~ Lately, I've gotten bitchy text messages, bitchy IM's, bitchy emails. Whoa - I HATE brothas that have a whole lotta Biyotch in them. Hell, I don't really care for women with a whole lotta biyotch in them. If you really wanna come at me, then make SURE you have a good a$$ reason, line up some good a$$ arguments behind it, and come at me strong, like at least YOU THINK you're right. Or don't come at me at all.
~ Oh yeah - COME AT ME. This passive-agressive "I'mma let her know I'm slightly interested, then wait and she what she does" crap is for the birds. Come whisper something sweet, hot and manly in my ear (sidebar: I do LOVE that Yin-Yang song, against my own conscience). If you trying to get at me (this is old skool), then push up on me, or else get outta the way of the next man.
~ Handle your biz: Pay your child support, make sure them alimony payments are on-time, spend quality time with your kids, make sure your work performance is unimpeachable, and then when you get home you can be a bedroom bully. For real though - I'm so sick of hearing about dudes playing these tired a$$ games, to juggle women, ignore their kids, not fulfill their other obligations. Then, when they get caught up (which they always do...) they're always pointing fingers elsewhere. Ninja - that's YO shyt catching up with you - no one else's. Dayum.

My libido is back, in full force. Frankly, I'm a little ~~boy~~ MAN-crazy. But I'm looking at these brothers, inside & out, and they're not up to snuff. My libido is demanding Idris Elba, Chad L. Coleman, Antoine Fuqua, Xavier Benjamin (Michael Michele's ex on Kevin Hill - the ONLY eye-candyish reason to watch that show), Ving Rhames, Dwayne Johnson, Terrence Dashon Howard - just to show you can be a pretty m**** f*****, and still Masculine, and yes, even Michael Ealy. Give me a masculine man, and I swear, I will melt like gelatto on the Auburn Avenue sidewalk...whew.

Yeah, I'm a horndog. But as Nas said...
Y'all girls relate, so put your hands up...And what? Tell that Mu-Fugga to Man Up!