the path I cut through the world - part II
Dr. Saga?
The subject has been broached once again. To the doctorate, or not to the doctorate: that is the question. However, this time the broacher has put the question in a framework that (damnit) has definitely got a hook that's taken a firm hold.
As one of the miniscule 6% of MBA students that happens to be an ethnic minority (African-American, Hispanic or American Indian), I've felt shouldered with certain responsibilities. To give back, to my community, through the work that I do, and also in my dealings with people in my everyday path. While I've toyed with the idea of teaching once my MBA was finished, I was focused on part-time, adjunct work - not a full-time job at all. My rationalization was that I've been grinding since, what - 1999 now? So swinging the full-time day and part-time night, while maintaining my other responsibilities is sorta old-hat. Teaching would allow me the flexibility to cut the day job back to part-time, and pursue opportunities outside the corporate arena, if you know what I mean ;)
The hook: that whole juggling jawn? Once I voiced my concerns about the doctoral workload, Dr. X (cause I can see he's got mentor in him), suggests the following thoughts: "Consider the following. How is your current path feeding the creative in you? Better yet, how are you sort of handling the creative path that you're on? If your path of creativity and focus has you on a fully engaged schedule from this Sunday through two weeks of being fully engaged, and you have to shut down for a week afterwards, how are you handling that now? And if you added some flexibility in your schedule, how would you handle that...?"
Wait, if I haven't lost you yet, there's more. Bear with me, because this professor, even though his discipline is very rigid & structured, tends to be very unrestrained when it comes to speech and thought. Listening to him inspires daydreaming, not out of boredom, but because his words inspire further consideration. What he actually said, and what I heard were probably related, but two vastly different things, but I digress...
He went on and what I heard was: "The idea is, how...in what you do...can you embrace that creative spurt and still allow yourself the flexibility to pursue that? Can you do that within your current framework? You all (as MBA students) have come here to pursue goals, whichever goals that may be. Some of you will become entrepeneurs, some of you will advance in your current careers with your current companies. But at the end of this experience, the question you should ask is that same question. In our late 20's, we begin to take a more objective look at ourselves, our potential and who we really are. We look at ourselves coldly, and get real with ourselves. That realistic look, at who we are, what we're good at and what makes us happy, colors the decisions we make about what we 'do'. That should decide which path we take..."
Now, if I haven't bored you to death...the really strange part is, my classmates - the ones sitting directly (12 inches or less) next to me, didn't catch any of this conversation. They later asked if I was asking about a homework problem I had trouble with. He may as well have whispered all this into my ear...
Meanwhile, 4 hours later, I'm left considering what it means to be part of the "talented tenth" and what I really want to do. I had a plan when I started my MBA, but circumstances have changed, and I'm realizing the framework in which I started pursuing it doesn't actually exist. And I'm well past the 20's Dr. X mentioned, so as I coldly look into the mirror, what I'm good at, and what makes me happy, here's what I've got:
~ the analytical thing is down cold, and almost second nature
~ so is the scholarly research
~ as well as the use of (at times) arcane and/or scholarly speech to compound somewhat simple concepts (thanks, fave! lol)
~ other than having a comfortable life (and my affinity for lush furniture, and trendy fashions), making an impact on others & growing as a person is what drives me, and makes me happy
~ despite my stage fright, I actually enjoy presenting information to the marginally informed
~ my cultural community is in shambles, and I feel a personal responsibility to somehow do something about that
~ this divide (class, race, "institutional") consistently bugs the absolute shyt outta me
What do I do about all of that? Hm....
...meanwhile, as I'm not the only person of color in his class, I wonder why he selected me? It may be that I was the only African-American in the class at that time (the other chick was out today). It may be the twist-hawk in my hair, and style of dress that's unconventional for an MBA student. It may be the 90 I've been averaging on his overly challenging "quizzes" (the final should be simple by comparison). Or it may be that my professors are talking, that the program director of my department (who knows my background intimately) put a bug in his ear. Maybe God? Maybe the person from my school that's keeps hitting this site....? Destiny?
Or is my overly analytical a$$ reading way too much into the fact that all business schools are recruiting minority professors, because the pool is so small, and he's just putting this out there to that end?
I dunno, but I feel that the path (and my walk) is changing...
ETA:: if you happen to be one of those minorities underrepresented in doctoral programs, check out the following links:
The PhD Project:
PHD Project Funding Information
The PhD Project's Annual Conference Information