January 2006 Archives

...On dating while nappy, and my non-existent lovelife...

Barnes and Noble nights::
Y'all know about the grad school grind, so I won't reiterate. Let's just say the social highlight of my week is now my Friday Night trip to B&N and Starbucks. So, to be "wild", and change up my routine, I try to rotate the B&N/Starbucks, and find new spots. So, I'm in the B&N closest to home (a new thing for me), and I'm studying - between checking out the cuties.

Let me digress momentarily, and redefine cutie. Cutie:: corporate casually dressed brother (think suitjacket and jeans), also adorned with watch, laptop case (briefcase/messenger bag/one-shoulder backpack), car keys, and actual books, who's also at B&N to do double-duty - handle biz, and check out chicks.

So, spot this one cutie, who's old enuff to be a contender, and sporting highlighted books and legal pad, which means he's either a)also in school or b)an entrepreneur. He had on a pair of black, heavy-framed square nerd classes, that he was managing to put an oh-so-sexy spin on that wouldn't stop....dayum, digressed again. Ok, so I'm checking out said cutie, and said cutie is...ignoring me. Completely. Like I'm 10-day old Spam that's been left out on the countertop, leaving a grease trail leading back to the can it plopped out of. Meanwhile, he's checking out every OTHER sister that's walking by, while occasionally highlighting the same two pages in this book, over and over for about two hours. Dayum. I check my breath, clothes - they're tight, so what gives?

life in the fat lane::
Weeelll...let's be really honest. REALLY honest. Saga (that would be me) weighs in at well over 200lbs. Hell, it's so far over 200 lbs, that it's well more than any average brother. Even more than some non-average brothers, ok? So, I'm VERY conscious of the fact that men are visual creatures, and the visual I'm presenting may not be every Fortune 500 working man's cup of tea. I don't date short/small men, so I understand - we all have our desires, and there's nothing whatsoever wrong with that.

BUT - this is Georgia we're talking about here, one of the few states that allows the sale of unrefrigerated fatback at gas stations. (BOOOOO - that was the dayum yankee in me str8 hatin. sowwy). My point is, that Big Girls Get Love in da South, too. Big Girls with Yellow/Red/Blue hair, with extra-short micro-miniskirts, with jail tattos and facial piercings. Even Big Girls with BO, facial piercings, jail tattoos...ok, you get the idea. I'm just saying, it can't be just that I'm fat...

theAngryBlackWoman syndrome::
I don't even have to define it - because Denene, Angela and Mitzi did a good job of that at AngryBlackWoman.com. (fyi - you can read an excerpt of their book here). So, theBabyDaddy, Sadat and SG have concurred that not only do I have it, but I've got it so bad that I actually need an antidote to keep from scaring off small children, and some animals. As far as this subject is concerned, I think in the last 90-180 days, I've given all three of them the opportunity to kiss my a$$.

However, theChaos, Mia and theVixen are chiming in that my smile is so publicly rare, they thought I had front teeth missing, or had gotten a titanium grill and was self-conscious about it. Since technically I don't want any chicks (or children) kissing my a$$, I took their words to heart, and flashed the pearlies at said cutie. He ran (ok, he actually just packed up his stuff and walked, but the retreat was pretty hasty).

I then tried to flirt with the older-gentleman at table two, but then his compatriot (not sure if it was his date, or daughter) joined him - a 25 yr old big beautiful girl, with colored contacts, and long hair...long, flowing weaved, hair....

nappy is as...:
<singing>"Her name is Lindy...." I love being nappy-headed. Love it. LOVE it. Love it to the point where I even love the moments of Don King-ness - when my shyt is reaching for the sky, in no particular order. Y'all know them first coupla weeks after New Year's when I was MIA? I was in Lowe's e'errrryday, naps sticking out e'errrrywhere, buying all kinds of crap I needed for the crib. Mind you, I was off from work, and could easily have been doing my hair in braids, twists, cornrows, etc. I walked around, sans makeup, sweats, hair wild, reaching to the sky (see pic at right). No I didn't "fix it" - because I love my wild, natural hair.

As for the brothers....well, they won't come out and admit it, but I don't think the brothers love the wild natural hair. Some brothers flat out LOVE long hair. Some brothers flat out LOVE straight hair. Some brothers flat out LOVE coiffed, professionally "done" hair. Again, just like living in the fat lane, I understand and respect that. I'd like to think that I look as beautiful as that pic (at the very top - the Carmen Jones pic) all the time, but the reality is that there are Don King days (like the flower pic), and while I think those days are beautiful too, some brothers ain't feeling that.

Even my friends have noted this, which is where the (what I like to call) "Lindy" song evolved. theVixen, having informed me that I needed to broaden my dating horizons and entertain dating outside my race, suggested that my future unnamed Indian husband is destined to sing me the following <...in bad Hindu accent...> "Lindy is my baby, my baby is Lindy, I love to run my fingers thru her beootiful nappy hai-ir..." In other words, I'm more likely to get anyone but a brother to attempt to run their fingers through the naps. The brothas know...they may pull back a nub.

aside:: why does it burn my a$$ so much that so many "natural" (loc'd, pro-black, "conscious", etc) men, prefer women who are ultra-coiffed, and therefore "un-natural"? I dunno - but it does.

boo-boo really smells like lil-lies::
So, while my self-image is fan-friggin-tastic - wait, let me digress again. My self-image is at an all-time, 40 year high. Let me 'splain. I've always been pretty, to others, and in my own mind. However, being female, I'd struggled with my weight, self-consciousness, and negative body image, for a long time. But I've always known that confidence can overcome a lot of obstacles, so most folks that met me would never know that. Fate being a great equalizer, and after coming thru lots of drama, I've learned that just as we define our own destiny, we also design other people's perceptions of us. And frankly, to anyone else's negative perception of me, I really have never given a lot of thought.

Jump to today, and now that I've got a coupla degrees under my belt, I'm a homeowner, with better than average credit (still working on good...lol), a decent job, and intelligence & humility beyond measure (lmao) - I think my boo-boo smells way better than roses, really more like dragon lillies, and only a discerning brother has the nose to note the variation.

BUT...

invisible woman::
...the brothas ain't checking for me, at all. Let me repeat that - the brothas ain't checkin for me. Not at the grocery store, gas station, school, work - not at the club, museum, gallery, movies. Like said cutie, I'm the big, nappy-headed sista standing in front of the sista he's really trying to get at. Is it because of _______ (fill in the blanks: fat, nappy, attitude, all of the above)? I don't know, but I want to know. I do - because I care. Lindy song, or no Lindy song - I may not need a brotha, but I want a brotha. Not just a man, but a black man. And I want that brotha to want me.

And, since my big nappy head is kinda swole from the job, the house, the MBA program, etc. - I ain't been making it any easier on the brothas to try and get at me. Even though 40 and I are just about best friends, and even though I'm excited about becoming friends with the big 4-0, and even though at 40 I'm fly, and sometimes get mistaken for 2X or early-3X, I want a grown a$$ man to step to me, not vice-versa. I went through that momentary "my eggs are about to die" frenzy a few years back, got past it, and ain't trying to revisit it. I'm not chasing, I want to be pursued, still want the man to be the aggressor, yanno?

thePoint::
So, given all that, here's what I'm facing: the pinhead field. See, every metric point I mentioned narrows the field of available eligible men that I'm willing to date: They have to want a fat chick. They have to want a nappy-headed chick. They have to want someone whose life (and a$$) is full and well-rounded. They have to want a woman with a strong, independent spirit. They have to want a woman who is so confident, that she's cool with occasionally looking like Don King.

As I tick off the list of metrics, I visualize that field slowly, yet discernibly narrowing. Eliminate the homosexual, inter-racial preferring, sorry (go here for my definition of sorry), brothers, as well as the will-definitely-be-threatened-by-my-success brothas, and that field is literally the size of the head of a #10 straightpin.

So, to said cutie: I understand. And to that pinhead brotha: I'm still waiting & looking for you.

Bakers Dozen c/o KB via ej.

My weekends are overstuffed - just swole like them no-neck-having brothers that spend way too much time in the gym. I've got two or three posts backed up in my head, but I haven't stopped long enough to write them. This has become a pattern, and while I'm enjoying it, I am absolutely exhausted...

1. gradSchool:: studying Fri Night at Starbucks - plenty of cuties, but I am the Invisible Woman (more on that later), then classes from 8AM - 2PM on a Saturday?! Y'all saw that note about me being a masochist, right?


2. Decorating - part 3,241:: Did I introduce y'all to my new favorite furniture spot? Oops - my bad: it's Rococo Design on Southland Circle, just off Chatahoochee Avenue. See Tomeca Shell - she's a sweetheart, her eye is impeccable, and the prices are good. Furniture ordered, and I'm hunting for area rugs...


3. theHouseWarming:: is March 11th. Stay Tuned.


4. theChaos:: Is officially Good & Grown. She turned 22 this week, so to celebrate we had a Ladies Day Out:


5. What Not to Wear - Saga Edition:: my rendition of What Not To Wear, followed by a $500 shopping spree (momma is on a budget now - actually it was even less than that, given the sale prices). theChaos got a corporate makeover, and I am TOO happy - she's beautiful, and she's now got clothes that highlight her personality!


6. ladiesNight::we followed shopping with white wine, pasta, coffee & cake @ Intermezzo. Chile I needed that, and my child needed that - they had to roll us out of there with a cart, we were so tired and full.


7. theAMWorkout:: was arm-raises - literally me braiding this crazy-colored mane of mine. I can't wait until it gets warmer, and some of these things fall off my plate - the view of that lake above is so beautiful at sunrise (and it's calling me), and I think I'd like to take up walking around the neighborhood with my neighbors.


8. thisJustIn have I mentioned lately how much I love my new house. lmao. Ok, back to your regularly scheduled B12...


9. theDesignWork:: finish working on the logo for one site (not feeling it, 'cause graphic design isn't my strong suit), but I'm ready to launch this site as soon as they give me the remaining content.


10. theVolunteerism:: pick up my mentee, and we go see Memoirs of a Geisha Visually, it's beautiful - and the mentee thoroughly enjoyed it. (I know what you're thinking, but the movie is PG-13, and I wanted to expose her to other cultures, and discuss the geisha artform, not the profession, m'kay?). Antyhoo, I liked it, but wasn't head over heels about it.So, we're 2 for 2 for controversial movies (Rent, Geisha).


11. myRoadDog:: theQueen (Ms. Mia) is recovering well, and my mentee and I stopped by to wish her well.


12. theBabyDaddy:: (note: I can't call him theSpermDonor anymore, because he has seriously stepped up to the plate. Kudos to him - for real.) Momentary backslide: when my mentee and I pull up to pick up theHammy, theBabyDaddy and BabySis jump in the car, saying nothing. After I ask him what's up, he tells me to take him down to the otherBabyMama's house to drop BabySis off. Now, while I don't mind, that is rude and bad form. BUT - I don't want to go off in front of my mentee, so this is definitely a conversation for another day. Namely today. I don't think it will go well.


13. theEnd:: when I finally stop moving last night at 9:38PM, I pass out until 6:08AM, after hitting the snooze button repeatedly.

Seems low impact, but after my version of What Not to Wear, entertaining the staff of not one but Two Lane Bryant stores, and braiding all of this hair, parts of my arm do not want to move. I either need to get some rest...or work out a whole lot more. Dayum.

Oh yeah....I got a really hot pair of Venezia Supreme jeans for myself in the process, and for anyone who thought $60-80-100-120 is a lot to pay for a pair of jeans, I'm here to tell you - for the way they feature your a$$, they are SO worth it!

Bakers Dozen c/o KB via ej.

I've been so busy I have barely had time to breathe, so I've got a bad case of insomnia, and a good bottle of Emilia Lambrusco. Let's see what happens...

1. gradSchool:: classes from 8AM - 2PM on a Saturday?! I am a masochist, I swear...


2. theTourDe285 - part I:: to do all the things I have on my plate, I have a multitude of babysitters all over Atlanta - so I managed to drive from S. Fulton, to Alpha-Tucky, to the Dec, back to the SWATS in a matter of hours, to leverage all the sitters...


3. theVolunteerism:: my mentee cancels on me at the last minute (horrors - I already paid the sitter, and dropped off theHammy). It's a good thing - she has a party (she's becoming quite the social butterfly, and finally in a good way).


4. theTourDe285 - part II:: I reverse the trip, to pick theHammy up.


5. Decorating - Part 2,987:: theChaos, theHammy and I online shop for a while, and then measure every possible angle in the house - and still miss most of the measurements I need.


6. theBourgeuoisNeighborhood:: take the kids to get something to eat (aside: Publix subs are the truth!) and we get cussed out (and almost run over) by at least 3 of my new neighbors (not in the subdivision, but in a nearby shopping center). Where is the love, people???


7. theMiniDate:: I refuse to say anything about it, on the grounds that it may incriminate me. He reads - 'nuff said.


8. theDesignWork:: I did post that I wanted to do freelance work on the side, right? Schedule not permitting - I stay up late - get up early - to work on some stuff.


9. ClientMeeting:: The breakfast meeting turns into a lunchtime meeting, which lasts almost until supper. Oh crap - I didn't cook, did I...?


10. theIntercession:: my roadDog Mia is still out sick, so I dropped by to bring her some well-wishes from work. She's got a new sweety (who was there taking care of her), and he's such a good guy...


11. theBWI:: Get home super-late, cook a quick din-din, feed theHammy, email some schoolwork, work on one website - I can't sleep (wonder why?) - hence the Lambrusco. Which, btw, tastes absotively amazing with the Sausage, Portobella and Tortellini in Garlic-Alfredo Sauce that I cooked - mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Note:: I didn't manage to post this last night, because one lil teeny glass of wine put me OUT like a light! lmao - I fell asleep at my laptop, with one finger stuck on the M key.
Note2:: dayum...I only managed 11 out of the baker's dozen at that...I was more lit than I thought....lmao.

Bakers Dozen c/o KB via ej.

when you take a break from ne-thing, it's so hard to get back. and blogging is no different...

1. theHouse:: while I'm still waiting for some color feedback, I've come up with a half-dozen home improvements so far. And that was only for this weekend. Dayum.


2. gradSchool:: restarted. I'm completely unprepared. No really. No, seriously - like I haven't even tried to buy books. Dayum.


3. theSpermDonor:: Is still putting in work, and still coming through. Prob is, he's spending more time with me than Hammy, while swearing I get on his gaht-dang nerves so bad, he'd neva get back with me. I hope that's true...


4. theHamster:: Hammy has a new toy: my new house. He's already tried out for Cirque du Soleil, by balancing on my knee wall, and swinging from my dining room light. He's gonna break something in, but I'm not sure if it will be himself, or the house.


5. perilsOfHomeOwnership:: After the recent tornadoes in Atlanta, I come home late (really late - like 11:30) from work, and my window is open. Not raised up, but blown almost completely off its track. Seems the construction crew forgot to secure it, but get this - the window in question is at least 12 feet off the ground. It stays open until the following day, when the consruction crew can get back out...


6. myNewInvestment:: ...is apparently in Atlanta Gas Light. It literally was 47 degrees in my house the next day. L.i.t.e.r.a.l.l.y.


7. theWishList:: the newest addition to the list? A little giant.


8. theVolunteerism:: met with my mentee, and she's still doing well. Seems almost too good to be true.


9. myRideOrDieChick:: is in the hospital?! Spent a good part of the weekend trying to help nurse her back home. And on her birthday too. Dayum.


10. theLoveLife:: I need to blow the dust off of it. I cannot remember the last time I went out on a date that I actually enjoyed. Dayum.


11. theMantra:: ...running thru my head is "success is nothing without someone you love to share it with...". All I know how to do is be honest - while I'm wildly ecstatic about my crib, the lack of a lovelife is bothering me.


12. theWriting:: seems I'm gettin bored with blogging. Or I'm obsessed with non-writing endeavors. or both.

Bakers Dozen c/o KB via ej.

whoever said that when you buy a house, you'll receive a huge sense of satisfaction made a SERIOUS omission. Yes, buying a house is satisfying...but only until you begin to decorate it:

1. theColors:: teal...aqua...turquoise...woodland juniper...ocean abyss...reflecting pool...Who knew there were so may more variations of blue-green not represented by the crayola box. Meanwhile, I'm torn between Smoke Turquoise (on the left) and Solitude (on the right). While I'm leaning toward Solitude - I don't want that to be predictive of my lovelife, yanno? What do YOU think?


2. theNightLife:: I now truly understand why men spend so much time in hardware stores. The people in Lowe's and Home Depot know me by name, and soon will start serving me drinks during my late night tool runs...oh, hey Norm!


3. theHomeImprovementProjects - Phase I:: Can you say Window Treatments? Many, many window treatments....?


4. theBonus:: There are some Cuties in my area. Let me repeat: There are some CUTIES in my area.


5. vacationWithHammy:: Despite this being the longest vacation in the history of the Atlanta Public Schools system, we really had fun. I know he did. I'se just ti-red, and the house is thoroughly broken in....lol.


6. theNewNurseryRhyme:: <singing>Here we carry boxes up the stairs..down the stairs..up the stairs....here we carry boxes up the stairs..all over the house...<end-singing>


7. theInjury:: ccccrrreeeeeaaaaaccccckkkkkk...dayum, was that my knee making that sound? Shyt..ok, I can walk on it, but is it supposed to feel like that???!!!


8. theDrugs:: cocaine Tylenol with codeine is a powerful thing. J/K - I really can get a buzz of any extra-strength Motrin.


9. theHouseWarming:: Is tentatively scheduled for February 4th. Details to follow. But I want to see all of y'all there!


10. theGradSchool:: Cranks up this week. And did I tell y'all my professor gave me a B for Christmas? Trust me - that was a gift, ok?


11. theDiet:: Ain't mentioned it in a minute, just been too darn busy. But I lost 20 lbs, and a pants size on Weight Watchers, and now that I have a fitness room, I have little excuse...


12. theChaos:: She's recovered from her robbery, but still hasn't gotten her stuff back. She's getting over it, but I'm not.

I'm sorry I've been gone so long, but I had an extended vacation. I'm ba-ack, and I promise to do better ;-)

Bakers Dozen c/o KB via ej.
I'm baaaa-aaack!!!! Did y'all miss me? I definitely missed y'all. So I guess ya wanna know what happened, eh? Ok, I know it's not monday, and this is more than a weekend update, but the format works, so here goes:

1. theHouse:: We came, We closed, We conquered. Did I mention that my realtor is the shiznit? My closing took 25 minutes - we timed it.


2. theHookups:: so, AllConnect was 'sposed to handle all this - yeah, right. While making one call for everything sounds convenient, none of the companies actually work together, so I had to contact them all separately anyway. Ah, well


3. boooo#1:: the first Booo goes out to: my nameless homeboy who, for some odd reason not only refused to help me move (which I could completely understand), but actually went the f*ck off on me when I asked. I've known this cat for 20+ years, and frankly - I think our friendship has ended over this bullshyt. I love him dearly, but like I told him - not enough to be called b*tch and a$$hole repeatedly when a simple no would've sufficed. Don't know what the underlying issue is, but can u say DGaF either?


4. boooo#2:: the second Booo goes out to: Comcast for not only not surveying the subdivision, but also not contacting me to let me know they cannot provide service. I had to find out the hard way, when I couldn't tune in to any channels at the new house. Can you say customer no-service?.


5. boooo#3:: the third Booo goes out to: Bellsouth for screwing up my phone/internet service. Apparently they made the appointment for my connections, then gave my phone number to someone else, which pretty much cancelled everything out. However, the cute telephone/DSL guy more than made up for it with his beautiful smile. Gosh, I'm such a hooch - but he did manage to get phone & internet running in 30 minutes (or less...lol).


6. surpriseKudo#1:: goes out to theVixen for helping immensely with the closing. She's turned out to be quite the friend.


7. surpriseKudo#2:: goes out to FL for helping me move. Now I know what you're thinking, but even if he's trying to get back in, I ain't having it - love myself to much to go down that road again. However, he did help repeatedly over the 4 day period it took me to move - even when my own knee gave out. Much respect for the brother for stepping up, for real.


8. otherKudos:: go out to theChaos, Mia, Bus, theR, etc...etc for helping immensely with the move.


9. theRealWork:: even after the packing, moving, unpacking, organizing, etc - now I have to decorate. While I'm ecstatic about the whole think, and excited - I can already see this is daunting


10. theHouseWarming:: Is tentatively scheduled for late January, early February. The Wish List for the housewarming party is tentative, and subject to change. Check back (and buy) often...lol..


11. theRealization:: I have not lived in a house in 12+ years. This occurred to me night#1 in the new house, everytime I visualized creeps staring at me from the dark of the woods bordering my backyard, and hovering 10 feet in the air just outside my bedroom window (a la Salem's lot). I have an overactive imagination..


12. theView:: I dunno, maybe I'm making a big deal outta a lil of nuthin, but honestly - my view of the world has changed in the last few days. I'm happy, not just about acquiring this new material possession, but because I've grown a great deal as a person in the last few years. I have suffered growing pains, but I'm extremely happy at this point to have some reward for all my hard work. Somehow, the sunrise looks a lil different from my bedroom window.