February 2006 Archives

Bakers Dozen c/o KB via ej.

believe me when I say it was nuttin special, and that's a very good thing. Aftet the last few weeks festivities, I wanted some R & R...

1. farewellToTheQueen:: my road dog, theQueen got a much better gig with theCompany, and she's relocated, so we celebrated at Pappadeux's. While I'm gonna miss her immensely (she has kept me from killing Gollum on a number of occasions) she deserves the new gig. Good luck girl!


2. gradSchool:: had a group project suffer a minor ego-related implosion (one of my teammates, which I chose to ignore). Bottom line is, my burnout isn't a phase, and I have to challenge myself to stay motivated.


3. theVolunteerism:: took my mentee(s) (mentee and her sis) to the High, to see the Andrew Wyeth installation. The coolest part was challenging her to notice the differences between the High and its installations, and the Hammond House Gallery and its installations. Our time is winding down, and I...I want to make a lasting impact, you know?


4. theMigraine:: by 6PM I was done for the day, or so I thought...


5. theInsomnia:: ...woke me up at 11PM, and kept me up until 3am.


6. theProjects:: are coming along slower than I thought. I really hoped to have one nailed by 3/1, but it's not gonna happen. The Client needs more time, and I'm on his schedule...


7. theNewNeighbors:: "Houston, we have....Deer!" That's right party people...I awakened to a Bambi moment in my backyard. Birds chirpin, flowers blooming, and three small deer stepping gingerly thru my backyard. When I called one of my homeboys in awe, he quickly busted my bubble with: "You'd better watch out for the mama - she'll kick your a$$"...lol


8. theRooty-Tooty-Unfresh-N-Fruity:: tried to avoid the Thumbs Up line by going to IHOP. I am SO spoiled where breakfast is concerned, that we (E & I) literally walked out on 4 plates of food, after having sent food back twice, that's how nasty the food was. Ugh.


9. theRealBreakfast:: now that this is becoming a weekly tradition, decent breakfasts are hard to find. However, we tried Gilbert's Mediterranean Cafe and while the All-You-Care-to-Eat brunch isn't nearly as good as Chequers, it's much better than IHOP. And you get Cher blasting in the background to boot (ahem - hint...hint).


10. theGig:: I spent the remainder of the weekend drinking off a bad case of ITWM. More on that later...


11. theChaos:: is staying with me for a bit, along with her sweetie. And I'm incredibly happy that they are.


12. theLoveLife::Y'all must have thought I was kidding, but I wasn't. Ain't nothing happening, noThing, NOthing. I ain't even consummate the house. Hell, I ain't even in Like at this point... :-( there's absotively nothing on my radar well, actually there is, but he ain't cooperating. double :((

Oh yeah. The housewarming. Is scheduled. Holla at me directly for details.

Thanks to a writing colleague - Timothy Stelly, Sr. - I was inspired to try my hand at Tanka (and vent my frustration). Your thoughts?

Madness

Yes, of course
I'd like to tell you
what I really think of you
but I am afraid
that I would be unable
to control my rage
and would blow your head clean off
with a solitary glance

the end

you pack belongings
silently wishing me hope
and I stand idle
hoping u at last
find love somewhere, else
I, hoping you come back to
find it here, u hoping that
I give u one last chance to

Softness

Dove lands slow
Peering at me as
I lay, head back, back arched
my legs spread wide quivering
and u raise ur head to smile

Strength

Nuff
Enuff now
I have had enuff I said

Money talks, bullshyt walks and
I have had enuff of this
Holding up the world
Juggling everything that gets
Thrown at me
While having little to show
for it, so I'm dropping the
world
Ain't jugglin' shyt else until
I get what is coming to me

©2006 - Sagacious Media

Bakers Dozen c/o KB via ej.

ok, really there wasn't a whole lot of love this weekend - that just refers to both my weekend at Michael Baisden's events, my dating (or lack therof) situation, and one of my fave Raheem Devaughn songs (if you haven't yet, you must check out "The Love Experience"). Meanwhile...

1. thankYou's:: thanks everyone for voting for me in the dating game, and showing your support! I got so much positive feedback and I really appreciate it. HOWEVER, I wasn't feeling the bachelor, so I'm glad I didn't win.


2. theDatingGameResults:: Now, here's the cute part though - it seems the contest was rigged. I tried to stay in the top 3, then the top 5, just to see if I could get on the show. Well, a funny thing happened on the way to the polls: some of the contestants shot up from 19 votes to 200+ votes, then when voting closed, dropped down to less that 100 votes. Shady biz...but the bonus was I got free VIP passes to the weekend's events.


3. theConcert:: which was my primary reason for staying in the top 3. Sol Factor, Algebra and Lina performed in the Omni Hotel Ballroom, in a relatively intimate environment (about 150-200 people). The venue was cool, the crowd (full of industry reps) was a little too cool, but the artists were good. Algebra & Sol Factor were the stand-outs of the night. Lina was cool, but a little too mellow for my tastes.


4. Sol Factor:: Sol Factor is a musically solid band, and I particularly liked Philip Muckle's energy. They had fun on stage, and that translates into good music. Their guest vocalist (whose name I didn't catch due to my collision with Navan) was tight as well - the sista can blow. But, I had to give my best performance props to...


5. Algebra:: Algebra was my stand-out of the night, period. I'll spare you the mathematical analogies (although her claim to be a simple solution is pretty accurate). Not only can she sing, but she's an artist with a clearly defined style (phrasing and delivery) that's uniquely hers. She doesn't remind you of ___ (insert latest neo-soul discovery name here). She makes good music, and she makes good music hers. And shawty, it don't hurt that she's from the south, giving her songs an earthy, down home, close to you feeling, that speaks to your heart. Now, she's not new to the music scene, as her live performance skills evidenced themselves when the crowd complained tht they couldn't hear her, she joked: "oh, y'all can't hear me? Ok, well see I want to make sure y'all can hear me well, so you see that space right there? (pointing to the sound booth & asks engineer to turn her mic up)"yeah, that's the sound man right there. If y'all still can't hear me, go get him!" Oh yeah, peep her music on Kedar Massenberg's new site, and definitely check out "You Do It For Me"


6. theNavan:: if you've ever had a Vibrator, you already know you use it to get right. Not only is the Vibrator no joke, but that Navan Cosmo is sumthin else too. Oh,get ya mind outta the gutter...you knew I was talking about drinks, right...?


7. theSeminar:: Love, Lust, Lies - Live. Touted as a live, uncensored version of the radio show, I fully expected some raw, jimmy-free, grown-folks talk about a subject close to my heart - dating in the African-American community, particularly for grown folks. What I learned: people, particularly single, older (30+) women will pay their good, heard-earned money to hear what they (should) already know - men have issues, and most women are too good for them, so they should pull their girdles up, make themselves happy, and never settle. Shyt, I should write a self-help, dating book...


8. theRevival:: Now, I would never imply that this was orchestrated, but a couple of audience members that spoke up, seemed to be plants (just like them ole skool revival meetings). Peaches (same hairstyle - horrors!) said: "I just want a honest man, with some integrity". Intellectual brotha added: "See the problem with women is they don't understand what it is to submit..." (aside: this kid also used the word Insternal, as opposed to an external factor). And, Proud-wifey concurred that women have to distinguish a love for family from a man who's a mama's boy, in trying to find a worthy man (right before stating "and that's how you get a Harry Winston"). Funny, how these happened to all be points on Mr. Baisden's agenda...or maybe I'm just an ungrateful, hateful skeptic.


9. andAfterThat:: revisited Harlem Bar. Music-B+, food-B-, ambiance-A ('cept for the lack of a dance floor, which I hope they expand and address soon)...and props to the bald, chocolatey brother I "seat-danced" with for vibing with me (neither of us left our chairs, but we danced to a Marvin Gaye house remix from across the room...lol).


10. theDate:: late-night first date with a cool brotha I met online, who was absotively not feeling me...oh well. My conclusion - online dating ain't for me. Actually, I think I'll chill on the dating front for a sec, period - it's not really all it's cracked up to be.


11. theLove:: one of my exes, who's about 9 gazillion miles away, actually saw my pic on the site, and told me I'm as beautiful now as I was when we dated 15 years ago - now that's peace.


12. theLust:: is for what Peaches touched on: character. Integrity. Honesty. And like Peaches, too many of us are out here like Diogenes (hearts clearly on our sleeve), searching for an honest man. Put that flame out, and stop looking...we're scaring them right the hell off....lol.


13. theLies:: profiting from the fairly obvious is actualy a public service, and not shameless self-promotion. Or I could just be ungratefully hating.

Again, thanks for voting for me, I do appreciate it. And the seminar wasn't a complete bust. It did reinforce something for me. I'm an extraordinary woman, and finding an extraordinary man should be difficult for me to do. I have uncommon tastes, so uncommonly challenged dating should be my expectation. I just wish it wasn't so damned hard. And unfun.

Oh, and Algebra is appearing at the Tabrnacle February 21st (tuesday nite) with Common, then again at the Fox on March 5th with Kem and Kindred. Support real music!

Bakers Dozen c/o KB via ej.
I wasn't looking to have adventures this weekend...honestly, I was looking to spend a quiet weekend at home, relaxing. But sometimes things just don't go as planned...

1. Dating:: no actual hookups this weekend :-(, but the first order of business: I was surprised with a nomination to be a contestant in Michael Baisden's Minglecity.com Online Dating Game.shameless plug follows: please click here, and vote for Yours Truly to have a shot at a date with theButler (whose profile is also available there.) :-D


2. fridayFollies,partI:: the adventure begins On my way to my Friday night Starbucks ritual, get a call from my boy B, who's at a local Midtown watering hole, getting hooked up with Margerita pitchers, and wants another partner in crime. Although my Operations Management book is calling me, I say WTH, and join him for a drink. Just One. Ok, well maybe two...


3. Mr.Luva-Luva:: there we meet F____, the Guyanese luva, and his female companion S. We vibe a bit on the plight of black people in the African diaspora (sidenote: neva talk about such things when there's a alcohol involved). Two sheets into the wind (unbeknownst to us), F____ declares us cooler than the average Black Americans, and we invite F____ to tag along for the evening's festivities.


4. fridayFollies,partII:: things go awry The second leg of our adventure takes us to B's new fabulous condo. I mean, it's truly gorgeous. As S (F____'s companion) ogles the house, asking the most fabulous question of the night: "so, I don't mean to be ghetto or nuthin', but how much rent are y'all paying up in here?", F____ is trying really hard to convince B's other female friends K and P, along with Me that he's a really cool guy, and Black American Woman are arrogant, agressive and self-centered, but since we're different, we should entertain his advances. His groping, touchy-feely advances. Despite K & P's protests, and my telling F____ to calm the hell down.


5. moment of fabulousness:: during this exchange, B's friend O, on his way to the airport to catch a flight, pulls me aside and stage-whispers in my ear "Who invited Bobby & Whitney over? Ooo, be careful girl - he's gone beat y'all..."


6. the agony & the ecstasy:: B's friend P takes F____'s companion S aside, and asks her if she's F____'s girlfriend, to which she replies "not really - F____ and ___ have a bet at work, to see who's gonna "get" me first. But he's crazy - so I ain't studying him..." We later (after comparing notes) conclude that there was some, er - pharmaceuticals involved.


7. fridayFollies,partIII:: my HUGE clue we take the show on the road again, and head to Harlem Bar. Parking up the street, B & I are plotting on how we can painlessly get rid of F____, without causing too much drama, when Bam!... F____ runs into the back of my truck. me, completely sober now:"Did this kid just hit my truck? Oh no - I know he just did not hit my truck, did he?" Jump out, and inspect the damage: Bessie's (my truck's) rear bumper has taken a huge bite out of F____ front end. Apparently, F____'s sense of space was warped, and in trying to park behind me, he neglected to stop in time. Since Bessie's no worse for the wear, I make F____ move, and we enter the club. He gives me $100 to buy us all drinks to make up for it, and takes a seat.


8. fridayFollies,partIII:: things fall apart since Harlem Bar is a "hotspot", the cosmopolitan crowd is in full force, and the bar is packed. Even though I make it to the bar relatively quickly, it takes a few to put in our drink order. However, as I pick up our drinks, and signal B to come over to help me carry them, I come face to face with two Harlem Bar bouncers:
   ~ bouncerA, gesturing at F____ , who he has in an armlock next to him: ma'am, is he with you?
   ~ me, sighing: Now what did he do?
   ~ bouncerB: he's harassing the patrons, and we're asking him to leave. If he's with you, you're going to have to leave with him.
   ~ me, thinking this is the first time I've been to this spot, and I don't want to make it the last: F____, give me your keys.
   ~ F____, muttering drunkenly: see, I don't know what they're tripping about...I'm not harrasing nobody...I was just telling these young ladies up front how beautiful they are...
   ~ me: F____, I need you to focus. Give. Me. Your Keys. Now.
   F____ hands over the keys, which I give to his original companion S (aside: yes, through all his harrassing other females, she's still there, and I really just want to give her a hug, and tell her she's SO much better than this dude). I also give her F____'s change from the drinks, which was more than enough $$$ to send both of them home in a cab. But just to ensure that she "gets it", I firmly tell her: "here are his keys, and here's cabfare...he's about to get bounced, and my suggestion to you is to send him home in a taxi, pronto." B, K, P and I beat a hasty retreat.


9. and then...:: B, K, P & I join B's friends J and M at Agave, to regroup, and try to enjoy the rest of the evening. Mind you, all this happened before 12pm/ I send S a text message to call me when she gets in, to make sure she makes it home ok.


10. fridayFollies,partIV:: the aftermath the next day, while I'm in class, I get a series of voicemail messages from: S, F____, and F____'s girlfriend. I call S back first - S: "ok, see...I let F____ try to drive home, and he ran into something. So, I hopped out of the car and caught the train home. I'm not sure how he got home, or what he did with the car.." I then call F____, and as his girlfriend rants jealously in the background, I try to direct him back to Harlem Bar, and the vicinity of his car. Three phonecalls later, F____'s cruised most of midtown Atlanta, the car's nowhere to be found, and F____ has decided to give a few tow companies (and the police a call). I'm hoping not to hear from F____ or S again...


11. sistagirl sidenote:: self-esteem sistas - it's not an option. I never met S before Friday nite, but there were dozens of you-need-to-pull-yo-girdle-up-and-realize-your-self-worth moments. And I couldn't chalk it up to age (she's in her 30's) or maturity or the alcohol (she wasn't that tipsy, and neither was I). Self-assurance people - it's a must-have, not an alternative.


12. but back to the fabulousness:: what are you still doing here? Go - Vote Now! You know I've gotta be the most fabulous of all these candidates...lol. Ok, I think you have to be a member to vote, but it's free, open to both Married and Single folks, and then you're notified when Michael Baisden has social events or networks in your local area, and you can listen the shows online.

Bakers Dozen c/o KB via ej.
thank y'all for the feedback, particularly in light of my 'invisible woman' post...I have no excuse, so let me just say sorry about the lateness...

1. socialExperiment:: given all your feedback, and some strong words from some of my offline peeps, I pulled up my girdle, and attempted a lil social experiment. Returned to Starbucks, in full diva regalia (hair, makeup, fresh jeans, mani-pedi, eyebrow arch, etc). Still no play, but I felt WAY better about the lack thereof. I'm definitely the Exception to every rule, and that substantially narrows the field. And I'm ok with that.


2. gradSchool:: I'm bored. MBA-SHMBA, still ain't feeling it. No wait, bored isn't a strong enough word, so let's try: frustrated with the Cult of Corporate Whores. How's about that? Hm...I should post about that...


3. theHammy:: resurrected our basketball hoop, which was a coat hanger in my old spot. It's official, in the eyes of a 10 yr old, I am Michael Jordan...lol. Meanwhile, we're working on his dribble, and attention span in the process.


4. Decorating - part 4,732:: My budget now non-existent, I'm still looking out for inexpensive window treatments, and bedroom furniture. Tried: Ikea, West Elm and Target. Still looking.


5. theHouseWarming:: I did mention that it's March 11th, right? Stay Tuned.


6. theSideProjects:: Lots of meetings. Not enough coding. :-(


7. work:: Lots of meetings. Not enough coding. :-( Wait, I just said that!


8. onDating:: I went out on a non-date: coffee meeting & movies at his place. Liked the guy, thought he was feeling me, but haven't heard from him. Oh well, no biggie. Mental note: relieve dating pressure by dating more frequently, but retaining quality.


9. familyBrunch::theChaos, theTruth, C.H.A.D, E and I checked out Radial, on Dekalb Avenue. Maybe it was the 45 minute wait, maybe it was the super-packed-in booths, maybe it was the less-than-friendly server, maybe it was the so-so breakfast. Maybe we should've ordered off-menu. Despite their Creative Loafing Best Of rating, the most I would give them is 2 stars. Maybe 3, but that's it. Meanwhile, we're making this a monthly event, and next up is brunch at __________ (c'mon, you know the drill, email me if you're down or have suggestions...lol).


10. Decorating - part 4,733:: <repeating mantra over & over> I do not have any more $ to spend on furniture...I do not have any more $ to spend on furniture.... Hey wait a minute, is that on sale??!!!


11. superWho? stop by theQueen's for a lil wings, a lil nachos, a lil pizza, a lil beer and watch a lil of the game. Well, just enough to be satisfied in Q3 that the Seahawks had a fighting chance.....aw, dayum - what da hell did they do???


12. theBlogging:: Not one to struggle to write nor read, I am really struggling to read AND write. I'm trying not to leave you kind readers (and commenters - thanks y'all very much for the feedback, btw) hanging, but I dunno...as I spend more time living, I spend less time writing, and instead of finding blog fodder, I'm finding...happiness. And I won't sacrifice one for the other.

the meeting:: inception
I had a meeting a couple of weeks ago, with some people in myCompany's Marketing group, along with some folks in myCompany's Customer Relations group. See, it seems that some users (external customers) weren't happy with some of the development that we'd done in a previous release. Well, not happy isn't really a strong enough word - the Marketing manager was pretty f***ing pissed, and had raised enough hell to warrant getting several application teams together to allow him to properly vent about it.

the background:: framework
If y'all didn't know this by now, I'm a web developer. Programmer by title, Java developer by trade, although I've dabbled in a lot of different technical roles (content developer, technical writer, coordinator, etc). Oh yeah, and if I hadn't mentioned it, I'm black. And female. And a rarity in my field.

See, in a department of about 120 or so odd "developers", I think there are about 4-6 of "us" black women. Most of whom are either currently-in or consciously-being-steered-toward less-technical roles: content developer, coordinator, quality assurance analyst, functional analyst, coordinator etc. And even if you widen the net, and include black males, still...there's maybe 12-16 of us. That's not quite 17%, is it?

And to some extent, we all face similar challenges. Our technical skills are always in question, we have to work twice as hard just to keep pace with our counterparts, and because of globalization, the playing field just took a new slant. Why hire African-Americans, when you can hire people of color that are culturally perceived to be more technically adept, or from areas of the world whose pay scale is much lower than that in the US? Ok, I'm not even going to attack the out-sourcing issue - I just want to note how it colors my environment.

the meeting:: revelation
But back to the meeting: my project lead's called to task by her boss about this issue, so a meeting is called to address the problem (and get Mr. f***ing pissed off along with some of myCompany's other bigwigs to back off). Us peon technical folks are called in to explain to the less-technical bigwigs why we can't do what Mr. f***ing pissed off wanted us to do.

I arrive a couple of minutes early, and Mr. f***ing pissed off is already there, along with a couple of his underlings, one of whom is black. I subconsciously smile, because in an environment where we aspire to be 10% of the working population, it's always nice to see a similar face. My boss arrives next, as do four of my teammates: TC, KC, KF and WB. Now, TC leads off, as usual - he's the technical lead, and when I say he's well-versed don't take me at my word. He's forgotten more code than I've yet to write. To the techies reading, he can quote large sections of the Java API off the top of his head, which to non-techie folks is like not just quoting the bible, but being able to debate Pat Robertson (ok, insert some other sane religious icon here) about the actual original Arabic transcription. Dude is that good. Then he calls on KF to explain her piece of the application, and she does her thing in technical terms. When Mr. f***ing pissed off does his Scooby-Doo impression ("ruh-roh?"), KC breaks this into layman's English for him, giving the issue a business perspective. Mr. f***ing pissed off asks me about my portion of the application, and I give him the spiel in (relatively) non-techie speak about my piece's limitations. WB is (as usual) silent, instead allowing the more seasonsed developers to take the lead in this meeting. My boss asks if Mr. f***ing pissed off is satisfied, which by this point is a gross understatement: Mr. f***ing pissed off is actually happy that we did what we did, which is really more than we should've. My boss ends the meeting and we return to business as usual.

What makes this whole thing unique is the cast of characters:
my Boss: black woman
TC: black man
KF: black woman
me: ok, you know the deal
KC: Japanese woman
WB: white man.
Mr. f***ing pissed off: c'mon, you already know the answer to that one...

the meeting:: reality
The whole time we're in that room, what's really going through my head is: we're handling biz. We're handling biz. This dude (Mr. f***ing pissed off) probably talked to a couple of us individually, and thought to himself - "I don't think they know what the h*** they're doing". But we came in that room and handled biz, so that he couldn't do jack but say to himself "dayum, they did a good a$$ job, considering the circumstances". That, my fine blog-reading friends, warms my code-writing, take-no-prisoners, cold-to-the-politics-of-big-business heart.

the social network:: facilitation
We've formed a loose network of colleagues at work, based not just solely on race, but also on similar interests & skills; and we network, as well as help keep each other apprised of some of those "silent" developments that go on in the workplace. We help each other with code, we validate/invalidate office gossip, and we try to "stick together" as much as can possibly work, in this dog-eat-dog world. The most important part though, is that we've realized we have a greater impact collectively, than most of us individually can imagine. Which is antithetical to corporate culture and survival.

A policy of inclusion is what most corporate consciousness sorely lacks, and is what makes this loose collective strong. We don't all "get along". Some of us can't stand others of us, on a very personal level. And there's always others of us that are just "extra", and can be pretty hard to swallow. But no one is "excluded", unless they choose exclusion themselves. And that's ok, because no individual can take away what truly belongs to the collective. Even if one person leaves the group, another takes up their place, learns something in the process, and the collective grows.

the cultural reality:: departure
I admire my colleagues a great deal, because of their skills and the unique abilities they bring to the table. Despite my at-work introversion, I've tried to immerse myself in this "collective", to learn as much as possible, in the short time I have to be around them. Some of us will leave myCompany, some will stay...some will remain tight, and others will drift apart. The bottom line is that we've all grown as part of this experience.

That's my paradigm of diversity. Somehow, I hope myCompany catches on, the way Mr. f***ing pissed off did. And I hope myCompany catches on while any of us still care to show it.

sidenote:: myBoss and TC are on their way off to other projects, to be replaced by demographically sterotypical developers. This saddens me a great deal, because I like and admire both of them, and it's been a great pleasure working with them, and learning from them.