March 2006 Archives

....completely devoid of pizazz

Ok, I've got a pretty good case of blogger's block. Weekend was non-descript - some of my friends and I got together to polish off party food/drinks. So, no B12 today. Other than that, I vegetated all weekend.

And I've officially given up on dating, and men as a whole. Hm, let's see if that warrants an entire post.

I've been dating officially/unofficially for over 25+ years. That's a long-a$$ time, and ample time for me to have run across every type of brother and subsequent game that brothers have been trying to run for the last 25+ years. It really seems as if there's nothing new under the sun. I love men, I really do, for more reasons than I care to recount, but most of all for their intelligence and logic.

So, as logical and intelligent as men can be, why do they think that there's anything new/challenging/mysterious about getting some a$$?

backtrack:: I blogged a while ago about the Maintenance Dude, and the rules of the maintenance contract. And while I haven't changed my stance about whether the idea of having a maintenance dude has validity (that's an individual choice, as every woman should have the option to make it), I knew in my heart that this no longer was the choice for me. So, I've been chilling.

And in doing that, have had the chance to objectively/subjectively observe - while being really emotionally distant from the guys that were interested in me, as well as my guy friends' attempts to deal with women (romantically, non-romantically). And my conclusion is: we all have lost our gaht-dayum minds.

I mean, the thing is that...oh hell, let's just get straight to the point. We all have put the goal before the means to getting to the goal (whichever goal that is), and stopped enjoying the ride so that we could get to the destination faster. Goal/destination: pu$$y v. commitment. Ride: dating/courtship.

Sanaa on speed dial:: I'm a Sanaa addict. Brown Sugar is my favorite movie, along with Love & Basketball and now HItch. I've watched Brown Sugar so many times, I know Rin & Tin's raps by heart ( Rin: "yo, hoes & thugs, drugs & ice, number 69 garlic chicken with rice." Tin: "on da bandstand, moo goo gai pan, from the best chinese restaurant in da land, whut!"). But I caught myself watching it, and seriously wondering whether my social life had sunk to new depths of solo-ness. And then it hit me....

I've been watching the movie so I'd remember what real dates were like. Real dates, not the pseudo-connections that people try to pass off as dates. Watching Hitch strategically maneuver men into dates with their OofA, watching Boris blow Sanaa away with a shot that's "nothing-but-net", seeing Omar try to make Sanaa jealous with Gabrielle - is this the closest I'm going to get to romance? Like Will so poignantly said: "no woman wakes up in the morning thinking 'this is the day that I don't want to be swept off my feet'".

a$$ is not hard to come by:: newsflash to men who see themselves as potential maintenance men: any woman can get any a$$ she wants, any time she wants. I don't understand for the life of me why some guys act as if offering their services is a favor. I mean really, most men aren't discriminating about a$$. So any time a woman wants to get some, all she really has to do is go up to a guy and say: "hello, I'm horny. Could you service me?", and chances are very good that he'll happily oblige.

You cannot/should not (even if your only goal is to get that a$$) come on to a woman as if your offer to "blow her back out" is in-and-of-itself flattering. I mean, I could literally gain another 300lbs, and walk (or be wheeled) out of my door, and put a sign on my forehead that says "free coochie today" and not only would I still be able to get some, but at least 20% of the potential back-blower-outers would still want to tap that a$$, raw.

a$$stration: Pronunciation Key (âz'-stråshen) n. Informal 1. a) The act of pursuing some a$$ or an instance of being in pursuit of a$$ (a$$trated). b)The state of being a$$trated. 2. Something that serves to a$$trate. saga's note: most of these attempts are completely devoid of pizazz. So devoid of pizazz in fact, that they suck all the pizazz out of the dating situation. Oh wait, let me clarify what's not a dating situation first:

the anti-date: a short list (it's growing. still thinking about these. add your own.)

• watching _____ (game/movie/videos/tivo) at ______(your/my/friend)'s house


• clothes shopping for your next date


• grocery shopping


• washing ______(my/your/someone else)'s car


• lengthy chat sessions (somehow, T.I.'s "You don't know me" now runs thru my head


• text messages


• lengthy telephone conversations


• lengthy exchanges in Big Box stores


• someone reading my blog at length (saga's note: it's sad that I even had to add that one...)

And somehow it kills me, that the most egregious offenders of the anti-date theory are those folks that are the most capable of really coming up with a unique date: those over 30, with the intelligence, means, experience and wit to offset the anti-date with a low-impact (cost) alternative. Hell, in the last 5+ years, I've had more free/low-cost/low-impact group events (free concerts, house parties, etc) than I've had in the first 35. Translating these from group outings to dates shouldn't really be that challenging, eh?

Given the absolute lack of flair dating has held lately, I'm out. Seriously this time. I'd rather have a V-8.

Courtesy of EJ, who also did the music - I owe you BIG TIME!!!

Click here to see pics of the party

Oh yeah - round Two is tomorry, holla at me about it!

I'm happy.

Nuff said. ;-)

Bakers Dozen c/o KB via ej.

It's party time, whoa it's party time...having a party....c'mon! (note: official, saga-certified hip-hop card to anyone who can identify the song mentioned above, the artist, his residence, and his blowuptuated hip-hop family member...)

Meanwhile, the weekend started really early, and ended really late....

1. theFrenzy:: last-minute party preparations had me in PJ's and slippers until well past the 7PM start time. However...


2. C'monInLikeFolks, shawty: my good friends V & B came in, set up the bar, finished cooking, etc...etc. so I could beautify. aside:: they were drinking the whole time, which is probably why things came out so well...lol. We all got a lil tore up before folks even really got there...


3. Hey DJ, just play that song:: my good friend EJ, whom I love SO dearly, made me some mix cd's - ole skool as only he can do it. Despite some crowd intervention (keep yo hands OFF my music, m'kay?) the music was the bomb! Oh yeah, did I mention how much I love him?


4. Please won't you be, my neighbor?:: I met several of my new neighbors, and they also came in the door like folks, and hung out with my friends, and mixed and mingled. I love my new neighborhood!


5. theHookups:: surprise! Ok, even though when I was planning, I thought to myself: single male friends + single female friends = hookups, the hookups didn't happen nearly the way I would've imagined. I believe Cupid drank some of the rum punch!!!


6. theJig:: was me & B doing the Samba to Sergio Mendes...or maybe it was me & V doing the Running Man to Lauren Hill. or maybe Ed and Sharon dancing to some Snap Music? I'm having a hard time remembering....lol.


7. theFood:: bourghetto hors d'oeuvres. Tapenade, bruschetta, and the like, but the hit of the night was some fritattas that had an aphrodisiac quality when combined with...


8. theDrinks:: although my bar was pretty stocked, the rumPunch B made was off-da-dayum chain. So much so that some attendees are STILL feelings it's effects....


9. theMerriment:: so, about 25-30 people stopped by, and showed me a whole LOT of love, and I truly, truly TRULY appreciated it. I had an absolute ball, for real.


10. off-the-chain moment:: So, the women left early, and it's me, theChaos, my friend K and about 7-8 single drunken attractive guys - so of course the conversation somehow landed on the topic of....you guessed it. I can't quote the whole conversation, or drop names - but I can honestly say that there were midgets involved. I love men, because they're completely in touch with their particular brand of insanity.


11. juicyBlogGossip:: There were several bloggers in attendance: EJ, Favenite, DJ Poet and Will (if only in spirit). I slept with an infamous blogger, who shall remain nameless. However, we both slept with all our clothes on, and he actually slept on the couch....okokok, nothing really that juicy happened, but that's the closest I've come to actually having sex in months. Dayum.


12. breakfastWithBloggers:: had breakfast with some bloggers the next morning, at Thumbs Up II -the East Point remix. The food was good, but somehow, I missed the lengthy wait.


13. theVolunteerism:: took my mentee to see Sunday's Hawks vs. Magic game. Hawks won by a point in OT, and my mentee thoroughly enjoyed herself.

I'm eggs-friggin-zausted! EJ also served as the unofficial party photographer, so as soon as he posts pics, I'll post pic. Also, there's enuff leftovers for the afterparty this weekend - holla at yo girl!

Bakers Dozen c/o KB via ej.

I'm just excited, and looking forward to seeing all my peoples hang out in my new space. Did I mention that this coming Saturday is Housewarming Day! And yes fave, if you could bring your piano & grace us with a song or ej, if you could bless me with some tunes...I may do a jig...

1. gradSchool:: I got an A, and a B. Now can I get over that "so what" feeling?


2. theVolunteerism:: Again, I need a metro Atlanta (404 area code) non-profit - preferably a well-deserving yet not-well-known organization. This search is harder than I thought. If you have one in mind, holla at yo girl!


3. Decorating part 6,225: incidentals are the bane of my existance. Now, I'm wishing I hadn't been so quick to toss stuff just because it didn't fit in with my new design/house.


4. prePartyShopping:: likker bought, some food bought, and got a hookup on party supplies (trade only, sowwy). Now to put all this party stuff together...and why were brothers at the likker sto' lining up to come home with me? Sheesh.


5. handyIsAsHandyDoes:: need some drywall patched? Trim refreshened? Sod/pinestraw replanted? I'm yo girl ;-) Ok, kidding - but as a new homeowner, I'm still in the "this is fun" stage. Hope that feeling lasts forever - or at least past lawn-mowing season.


6. someAssemblyRequired - part II:: I bought some funky looking window panels from Penney's (Yeah, I know, it's not "all inside" - don't even go there...lol). Now, the box said some assembly required, but any window treatment that requires a slide-rule and protractor to hang? Probably shouldn't be labeled "easy-assembly"! I'm just sayin'....


7. I'm-a-kea, You're-a-kea, He's-a-kea, She's-a-kea:: Wouldn't you like to be I-kea too? Ok boooo - that was lame. But despite my initial disappointment with Ikea's furniture, I am pleasantly surprised by the cheap, cute funkiness of sonme of their chachkes - and let me tell ya, ain't nothing better than cheap, cute and funky chachkes. I'm also feeling CB2.com - they're my new addition to online decorating destinations.


8. Zen Decorating Moment - revisited:: it's shaping up nicely.


9. prePartyPampering:: to be continued...I mean, who has the time?


10. theMindlessSelfIndulgence:: with 40-looming ahead, my skin needed work. After seeing a few sistas leaving a facial spa, I decided I deserved a little indulgence for my 40th birthday - to make my skin look good. So I started a series of treatments from Ageless Remedies (same place I went for the laser hair removal thingie, with good results). Well, this week's treatment was an IPL - Photorejuvenation Laser Treatment. Now while I normally have NEVER had truly "bad" results - this week's result was more than a little unexpected....


11. Tony the Tiger??!!:: There are stripes: a-l-l_o-v-e-r_m-y_f-a-c-e. My technician assures me they'll be gone within two weeks, but I had no intent on going to my party in costume. Shyt.


12. musicJewel:: Hm, I hadn't done an Arby in a LOOOOONG time. However, there's a Sergio Mendes/will.i.am (Black-eyed Peas) collaboration out called Timeless that I scarfed at my local (you guessed it, so I don't even have to say the name). Now I may be late with this, but the collabo is hot, and will.i.am is kinda nasty as a producer. If you find Timeless anywhere, or get a chance to catch the Peapod Charity Concert this Friday (Vh1 or MTV - check your listings) you'll get a taste of the album. (...I still can't stand Fergie though, I don't care how much I'm feeling this album...). I'll try to upload the Arby sometime this week.

I may post Tony the Tiger pics today, to commemorate my lunacy. Ggggrrrrrr!

Note:: I wrote this on 3/1/06, and then just sat on it to let the anger pass. Reading it again while I'm in a good mood, just reinforces its validity.

WARNING: this particular post is politically incorrect, full of overarching assumptions & sweeping generalizations, socially irresponsible, marginally amusing, but 100% truth. Read at your own risk.

I've been battling a pissy mood for the greater part of the last week. Primarily work-related - here's why.

backstory:: I'm good at what I do at work. Well, I'm not just good at what I do (I'm "aight"), but I'm good at how I do what I do. I make my bosses look good - so they love me, I exhibit a great deal of inititiave & accountability - so I take the workload off them, I make my team look good, and I'm incredibly professional (& stylish, but that's another post). All this is reflected in my performance evaluations. Therefore, I'm given a great deal of autonomy.

My coworker isn't all feeling that - let's call him Sméagol. Frankly, Sméagol's work ethic takes the opposite route: he's a glider, willing to let someone else dictate his tasks, to minimize his workload. He's more methodical, requiring lots of documentation to complete processes, even when that documentation doesn't exist. Even then, he lacks initiative, and analytical ability. He supplements this with his networking ability, preferring to brown nose to get ahead. I can't say that I blame him: it's not what you know, it's who you know, that counts (and I have my own social network at work, but he ain't gotta know that...lol). But, I assume he's taking hits on his performance evaluation for his lack of technical skills, and lack of initiative.

Oh, but it gets better: Sméagol also has a sneaky streak that I'm supposed to be unaware of. So, he's run to my boss (and/or my boss's boss) and "told" on me (and other coworkers) on a few different occasions: that I came in late, or wasn't supportive enough, or missed some item on his task list. Frankly, I ignored this behavior - it's beneath me. But you get the name, right? Sméagol is as Sméagol does, and he's aptly named for a reason...

Thing is, we work directly together, on the same projects. And while I get burdened with a lot of project-management related tasks: meeting, conference calls, project planning and the ilk, I have also gotten stuck with some accountability where Sméagol's projects were concerned. Sméagol "doesn't have required information to complete his work" or he "needs me to contact XXXX, in order to clarify XXX issue" before he can complete his tasks. Thing is, we're colleagues (same level/title). Sméagol's been in his position, three years longer than me, and gets a whole LOT more $$$. A whole lot more $$$ So, I talked to my boss, and swore off leading his projects.

It's sink or swim time for Sméagol, bloop...bloop...bloop.

the scenario:: We have to put out a release of our application for some other systems to test. Sméagol & I were trained together on this, and Sméagol took really good notes. So good, in fact - that I used them to test my knowledge, and verify that I could complete the process without assistance. But, on the day the process was to be completed - I got sick, and took the day off. Called my coworkers to let them know I was ill - and assumed (don't even say it) Sméagol would take care of the task. What was I thinking??!!!

I come back to work, and nothing was accomplished. So after several emails questioning/explaining why things weren't done, Sméagol grudgingly agreed that in order to learn this process, he needed to complete this task, k-solo.

48 hours later, the task still wasn't completed successfully. Sméagol had attempted it several times, and despite having written the instructions, he had trouble following them. Meanwhile, I've had to explain to the other teams, as well as my new boss, the delay. Finally, I agree to complete the task myself, and the following conversation ensues:

me: I'll work on it this afternoon - while I'm on a conference call.
Sméagol: ...Well, I kinda wanted to sit in with you and observe...
me: what good would that do? No offense, but what can you possibly gain at this point, from looking over my shoulder..? You already looked over XXX's shoulder before."
Sméagol: "...Well, I must've missed a step somewhere along the line, so maybe when I go through the steps with you, I can figure out where I missed a step...?" blah blah blah, ad infinitum...

Against my better judgement, I walk through it, stopping to help him update his notes. About 3½ hours later, we're done, and Sméagol is gleefully thanking me for being a team player, and helping him understand the process. I send out our standard (department standard) email, letting anyone impacted know that the application was available, and what we'd worked on.

Not even 10 minutes later, I get this 210-line email:

SUBJECT: XXX YYYY work done by Sméagol information, etc.

SMÉAGOLS XXXX YYYY NOTES

This document describes the changes made and the general testing rules for the XXXX work done by Sméagol for the XXXX YYYY:

FIRST INSIGNIFICANT ITEM: detailed listing of this item, including samples of the item, and some additional samples of the item in a Zip file. Literally, it was changing the order of two words in a document. SECOND INSIGNIFICANT ITEM: detailed listing of this item, including samples of the item, and some additional samples of the item in a Zip file. Literally, it was adding a period to a sentence in a document. THIRD INSIGNIFICANT ITEM: you know where this is heading, right?. Literally, it was an additional word added to a document. FOURTH ITEM - SIGNIFICANT: ok, this one was finally an actual challenge. This one involved some actual coding, which he listed in detail, along with A 16-PART set of testing rules - in detail. Problem is someone else actually wrote the code for this one. FIFTH INSIGNIFICANT ITEM: want to guess this one?. Literally, it was an additional character (a / symbol) added to a document. Please contact me with any comments or questions. Thanks, Sméagol

I was livid. I'd dropped my other tasks, to be a "team-player", and ensure that not only was this done, but that he'd thoroughly understand what needed to be done, so that when (not if) he's called on to do this, he'd know what he was doing. Despite my overwhelming desire to let him drown, bloop...bloop...bloop.

Why? - ITWM: Insecurity-induced, Testosterone-influenced, White-Maleness. See, while grudgingly acknowledging that I'm sharp, no card-carrying member of the social majority wants to admit that someone of the social minority is sharper than them. Particularly a member of the social minority, that lacks a penis. Add ______ (the X-factor: my extra degree, political affiliations, my nappy hair, the day of the week, my Yankee accent, my refusal to play politics, my reputation that proceeds me, my stylish non-khaki/polo shirt attire, my non-North-Atlanta address, my non-existant golf game, whateva!), and I quite honestly think the average WASP-man slips a cog.

JC said it best (in his best South-Georgia drawl): "These damn coloreds, with their fancy degrees, their fancy speech, fancy clothes and fancy cars - well they just don't know their place. It's not good enough that we let them breathe our good, corporate air; we let them sit in the same building as us, share cubicles with them, and let them eat in the same room as us. We even allow them to have their own com-mu-ni-ties. Hell, they still want to be treated as equals. Taking away our promotions, asking for more money, trying to run our companies, telling us what to do - it's an a-bo-mi-nation!"

Ok, I know what you're gonna say - and yes, I know that the playing field ain't level, and I know this is typical corporate BS. Par for the course, of course. All's I'm saying is, just because shyt is like this, doesn't mean I have to like it. Doesn't mean I'm going to say "yessur Mr. Charlie, anything you say Mr. Charlie, I'll be a good employee Mr. Charlie". Hell naw. And it ain't just at work...

the group project:: I got a double dose. Myself & 3 other MBA students (2 white males - one whom we'll call Mr. TypeA, 1 asian female) get to write a 7 page paper. Scrreeeech, before you get any further, check that out: 4 MBA students writing 7 pages? Yes, that will be an exercise in Type A-ness if I ever heard of one. So, after I initially bump heads about the topic (I deferred to Mr. TypeA, because frankly - I'se tired of leading projects), we work on the project, and it's relatively low-impact, until the very end: when Mr. TypeA becomes an ITWM, and freaks out because I a)question his cancelling a meeting and b) suggested that the paper was too long (11 pages) & abstruse (who uses the word ostensibly in a sentence anyway?). Let's just say that the email response I received started with the words: "Let's not have a panic attack, shall we?" The project came off despite this, because frankly it was for an Organizational Behavior class, and I used some conflict-resolution tips to defuse that BS.

the declaration, to whomever may be listening: I am an intelligent person. I was hired because I am an intelligent person. I got into graduate school because again, I am an intelligent person. And while I can understand why I'm being perceived as a threat, I have a hard time understanding threatening your own job or your own grade, just to retain control over me, or my ability to influence your career (job or academic career). Shyt, if Sméagol spent as much time working & honing his skills, as he does brown-nosing, he wouldn't have anything to worry about.

The thing that I find the most frustrating about my work environment is exactly that: I walk in, people automatically underestimate me, I prove them wrong, then I'm a threat. It's exhausting.

I overheard a conversation between two of my coworkers, who happen to not write code (they're Quality Assurance Analysts). One was bitching about our use of contractors, particularly contractors who have to use their contracts to maintain their Visas. The gist of his argument, was that all this "outsourcing" was taking jobs away from Americans who deserve them, like him - and paying "those people" much more than we're making. His colleague's answer: "Oh, so you're ready to write some code then, huh?". He didn't respond, but I know the answer.

No, he's not - he just doesn't want "those people" to do it. Da hell?

ETA:: Not that I thought that the thing with Sméagol was over, but he's accelerated his antics, and it's driving me up a wall. If you have suggestions, please send your suggestions (and bail donations) to the Keep Saga out of Jail fund.

Bakers Dozen c/o KB via ej.

ok, yanno all those decorating shows, where their budget is like $1.02, and the room ends up looking like an Don't from Architectural Digest? Yeaahhh...that didn't happen.

1. gradSchool:: first off, I had to get a coupla finals over with. Again, even though my GPA is strong, I'm not feeling it. Most of my classes are barely expanding on the undergrad I got .02 seconds ago.


2. theVolunteerism:: My week off, but I've been recruited for some other projects, one of which is to give some money away to a metro Atlanta charity. If you have a favorite, holla at yo girl!


3. Decorating part 5,438:: Makeover day has arrived! All the projects lined up this weekend, so after the finals, and without further ado...


4. theFurniture:: go by my decorator's showroom at Rococo Design, and pick up a whole slew of things: sectional, kitchen table & chairs, cocktail tables, ottomans, barstools, etc. And in the process, avoid a $200 delivery charge. That's what exes and their homeboys are for...


5. theCheese:: Even though I dropped the cheese a while ago, I have to add that this shyt was expensive, and I got EXTREMELY good deals. I don't know how da hell they do anything with $1.02, or $500.02, or $1000.02, but then again I ain't having my room look like that Archiectural Digest reject either, m'kay? And Fave, before you say a word, the word is discerning, not superficial or elitist ;-)


6. thePainting:: Remember the turquoise vs. teal debate? The winner was teal, but it didn't turn out exactly like that sample...


7. someAssemblyRequired:: spend most of the evening assembling furniture, and painting. And while I take direction well, I suprised myself - I am handy!


8. theLateDinner:: while waiting for the paint to dry, we checked out the OK Cafe. The Lemon-Tamarind chicken was good, and those sweet potatoes...oh they're just dangerous.


9. theArranging:: wait, I know I measured EVERYTHING, but you mean to tell me now that we're putting this into the actual room, that this sectional is TOO BIG?!?! Oh HELL naw :-(


10. Zen Decorating Moment:: I take a long hard look at the fruit of all my labor, and I'm supremely mad at myself for it not turning out exactly like my vision. Head for bed...


11. theTouchUp:: wake up with a 7am migraine, and break out the ladder to revisit the paint, and all the touchups.


12. theBreakfastPerspective:: funny how coffee, biscuits, Advil and bacon can make the world look different. My room has good bones. Now, to get a lil creative.


13. theReArranging:: 10 minutes later, my room looks good. Real good. This is truly an art, not a science. And I ain't even DONE yet.

I will post pics, but the room isn't completely finished. It should be done on March 18th, the day of my housewarming. Oh yeah - the invites have been sent out, so if you haven't received yours: Holla at me directly for details.