sagaciously is...

Note:: I wrote this on 3/1/06, and then just sat on it to let the anger pass. Reading it again while I'm in a good mood, just reinforces its validity.

WARNING: this particular post is politically incorrect, full of overarching assumptions & sweeping generalizations, socially irresponsible, marginally amusing, but 100% truth. Read at your own risk.

I've been battling a pissy mood for the greater part of the last week. Primarily work-related - here's why.

backstory:: I'm good at what I do at work. Well, I'm not just good at what I do (I'm "aight"), but I'm good at how I do what I do. I make my bosses look good - so they love me, I exhibit a great deal of inititiave & accountability - so I take the workload off them, I make my team look good, and I'm incredibly professional (& stylish, but that's another post). All this is reflected in my performance evaluations. Therefore, I'm given a great deal of autonomy.

My coworker isn't all feeling that - let's call him Sméagol. Frankly, Sméagol's work ethic takes the opposite route: he's a glider, willing to let someone else dictate his tasks, to minimize his workload. He's more methodical, requiring lots of documentation to complete processes, even when that documentation doesn't exist. Even then, he lacks initiative, and analytical ability. He supplements this with his networking ability, preferring to brown nose to get ahead. I can't say that I blame him: it's not what you know, it's who you know, that counts (and I have my own social network at work, but he ain't gotta know that...lol). But, I assume he's taking hits on his performance evaluation for his lack of technical skills, and lack of initiative.

Oh, but it gets better: Sméagol also has a sneaky streak that I'm supposed to be unaware of. So, he's run to my boss (and/or my boss's boss) and "told" on me (and other coworkers) on a few different occasions: that I came in late, or wasn't supportive enough, or missed some item on his task list. Frankly, I ignored this behavior - it's beneath me. But you get the name, right? Sméagol is as Sméagol does, and he's aptly named for a reason...

Thing is, we work directly together, on the same projects. And while I get burdened with a lot of project-management related tasks: meeting, conference calls, project planning and the ilk, I have also gotten stuck with some accountability where Sméagol's projects were concerned. Sméagol "doesn't have required information to complete his work" or he "needs me to contact XXXX, in order to clarify XXX issue" before he can complete his tasks. Thing is, we're colleagues (same level/title). Sméagol's been in his position, three years longer than me, and gets a whole LOT more $$$. A whole lot more $$$ So, I talked to my boss, and swore off leading his projects.

It's sink or swim time for Sméagol, bloop...bloop...bloop.

the scenario:: We have to put out a release of our application for some other systems to test. Sméagol & I were trained together on this, and Sméagol took really good notes. So good, in fact - that I used them to test my knowledge, and verify that I could complete the process without assistance. But, on the day the process was to be completed - I got sick, and took the day off. Called my coworkers to let them know I was ill - and assumed (don't even say it) Sméagol would take care of the task. What was I thinking??!!!

I come back to work, and nothing was accomplished. So after several emails questioning/explaining why things weren't done, Sméagol grudgingly agreed that in order to learn this process, he needed to complete this task, k-solo.

48 hours later, the task still wasn't completed successfully. Sméagol had attempted it several times, and despite having written the instructions, he had trouble following them. Meanwhile, I've had to explain to the other teams, as well as my new boss, the delay. Finally, I agree to complete the task myself, and the following conversation ensues:

me: I'll work on it this afternoon - while I'm on a conference call.
Sméagol: ...Well, I kinda wanted to sit in with you and observe...
me: what good would that do? No offense, but what can you possibly gain at this point, from looking over my shoulder..? You already looked over XXX's shoulder before."
Sméagol: "...Well, I must've missed a step somewhere along the line, so maybe when I go through the steps with you, I can figure out where I missed a step...?" blah blah blah, ad infinitum...

Against my better judgement, I walk through it, stopping to help him update his notes. About 3½ hours later, we're done, and Sméagol is gleefully thanking me for being a team player, and helping him understand the process. I send out our standard (department standard) email, letting anyone impacted know that the application was available, and what we'd worked on.

Not even 10 minutes later, I get this 210-line email:

I was livid. I'd dropped my other tasks, to be a "team-player", and ensure that not only was this done, but that he'd thoroughly understand what needed to be done, so that when (not if) he's called on to do this, he'd know what he was doing. Despite my overwhelming desire to let him drown, bloop...bloop...bloop.

Why? - ITWM: Insecurity-induced, Testosterone-influenced, White-Maleness. See, while grudgingly acknowledging that I'm sharp, no card-carrying member of the social majority wants to admit that someone of the social minority is sharper than them. Particularly a member of the social minority, that lacks a penis. Add ______ (the X-factor: my extra degree, political affiliations, my nappy hair, the day of the week, my Yankee accent, my refusal to play politics, my reputation that proceeds me, my stylish non-khaki/polo shirt attire, my non-North-Atlanta address, my non-existant golf game, whateva!), and I quite honestly think the average WASP-man slips a cog.

JC said it best (in his best South-Georgia drawl): "These damn coloreds, with their fancy degrees, their fancy speech, fancy clothes and fancy cars - well they just don't know their place. It's not good enough that we let them breathe our good, corporate air; we let them sit in the same building as us, share cubicles with them, and let them eat in the same room as us. We even allow them to have their own com-mu-ni-ties. Hell, they still want to be treated as equals. Taking away our promotions, asking for more money, trying to run our companies, telling us what to do - it's an a-bo-mi-nation!"

Ok, I know what you're gonna say - and yes, I know that the playing field ain't level, and I know this is typical corporate BS. Par for the course, of course. All's I'm saying is, just because shyt is like this, doesn't mean I have to like it. Doesn't mean I'm going to say "yessur Mr. Charlie, anything you say Mr. Charlie, I'll be a good employee Mr. Charlie". Hell naw. And it ain't just at work...

the group project:: I got a double dose. Myself & 3 other MBA students (2 white males - one whom we'll call Mr. TypeA, 1 asian female) get to write a 7 page paper. Scrreeeech, before you get any further, check that out: 4 MBA students writing 7 pages? Yes, that will be an exercise in Type A-ness if I ever heard of one. So, after I initially bump heads about the topic (I deferred to Mr. TypeA, because frankly - I'se tired of leading projects), we work on the project, and it's relatively low-impact, until the very end: when Mr. TypeA becomes an ITWM, and freaks out because I a)question his cancelling a meeting and b) suggested that the paper was too long (11 pages) & abstruse (who uses the word ostensibly in a sentence anyway?). Let's just say that the email response I received started with the words: "Let's not have a panic attack, shall we?" The project came off despite this, because frankly it was for an Organizational Behavior class, and I used some conflict-resolution tips to defuse that BS.

the declaration, to whomever may be listening: I am an intelligent person. I was hired because I am an intelligent person. I got into graduate school because again, I am an intelligent person. And while I can understand why I'm being perceived as a threat, I have a hard time understanding threatening your own job or your own grade, just to retain control over me, or my ability to influence your career (job or academic career). Shyt, if Sméagol spent as much time working & honing his skills, as he does brown-nosing, he wouldn't have anything to worry about.

The thing that I find the most frustrating about my work environment is exactly that: I walk in, people automatically underestimate me, I prove them wrong, then I'm a threat. It's exhausting.

I overheard a conversation between two of my coworkers, who happen to not write code (they're Quality Assurance Analysts). One was bitching about our use of contractors, particularly contractors who have to use their contracts to maintain their Visas. The gist of his argument, was that all this "outsourcing" was taking jobs away from Americans who deserve them, like him - and paying "those people" much more than we're making. His colleague's answer: "Oh, so you're ready to write some code then, huh?". He didn't respond, but I know the answer.

No, he's not - he just doesn't want "those people" to do it. Da hell?

ETA:: Not that I thought that the thing with Sméagol was over, but he's accelerated his antics, and it's driving me up a wall. If you have suggestions, please send your suggestions (and bail donations) to the Keep Saga out of Jail fund.