sagaciously is...

So, I'm listening to WVEE this morning (pst, er - no judgement!). Frank, Wanda & Sophia were talking about the Car & Bike Show at the International Convention Center this Saturday, and a debate ensued. So I'd like to pose their question to y'all. Today's dating question was: What are the Top 3/First 3 questions women should ask men when they meet them?

What Not to Say:: So let's start out with the top questions women called in to share. There were way more than 3, but most were common:

1. Are you single?


2. Are you gay?


3. Do you go to church?


4. Have you ever been in jail?


5. Do you have a job? What do you do?


6. Do you have children? How many?


7. Are you under court-ordered child support?


8. When was the last time you had a full STD screening?


9. Do you have decent credit?


10. What are your living arrangements? Do you own your own house?

Aside:: the woman who called about #8 apparently had some "dirty potato salad" and got burned. They put her straight on the short bus for that question...

You ain't got to lie, Craig:: Let me hip you to some game: men lie. Men don't even tell little white lies. They tell big a$$ earth-shaking lies, just hoping they can get to their "goal" (whatever that may be, it ain't just p*$$y) before they get found out.

Preface: bro-in-law, forgive me for this next part. I luv ya, I really do, but the sistas need a heads up, for real.

A lil story: my bro-in-law and I took a road trip a coupla weeks ago. Right before we departed, he'd met a sista he was kinda feeling. So as I drove, him & homegirl were engaging in the initial "just-kicking-it" conversation. I tried hard not to eavesdrop, but since he turned my radio down to hear, it was hard. He's a pretty straight-forward guy, so it made for an interesting listen.

His half of the convo had so many ommissions, exaggerations and generalizations, I wanted to yell "Edit!" just so I could submit it for rewrites, to make it factual. Oh my friggin goodness. And it was little insignificant stuff, as well as major deal-breaker stuff. Like where he grew up: Buckhead. How many single black native Atlantans over 30 do you know that can actually claim that? Yeah, riiiight. Whether he got his degree, and what the degree was in. Number of children and/or baby-mamas. Yes, ommission is a lie! What he did for a living. Yes, exaggeration is also a lie. What he's looking for in a relationship. Ok, the jury may be out, but if you're only looking for some a$$ from the person asking the question, answering marriage is a lot deceitful.

Aside: homegirl was just as bad, telling him she lived in Buckhead, when she was about 1/4 mile away from Vine City. Oh and didn't know who Lisa Leslie was. Ok, back to the pernt...

So as for that list above, you can cancel out Numbers 1-10, because a brother will pass a court-ordered lie detector answering those. Without so much as breaking a sweat. But don't feel bad, I've asked those too. Recently, matter of fact. Even wrote a short javascript about it, wanna see it? - here it go. Sshhh, again - no judgement. I was still in school, did it for a class...

But if you've gotta ask:: there's gotta be a way to broach these topics, without being so, I dunnno. Obvious? Well, there were a few decent conversational questions mentioned that open the floor up for discussion:

1. Tell me about your family? What your relationship between/with your parents? Your mom?


2. What's your relationship with your ex?


3. What are your goals and/or life ambitions?


4. Tell me about your spirituality and/or values? What's important to you?

There's a lot to be said about open-ended questions, but the idea here is to open up the floor for conversation. The more a brother talks, the more you can read whether his responses, his body language and his knowledge of his subject matter, match what he's actually saying. Does his eye start twitching as he tells you how well he and his ex get along? Does he start scratching his neck when he's talking about his mom? Does he change the subject when the discussion of his life ambitions comes up? Or does he light up at the question, and disclose not only his career aspirations, but also his personal, financial and romantic aspirations, and how all these things fit together? Ok, you feel me.

Ok, um, aside: Sophia's questions involved stinky feet, moms with gold teeth, and the handling of jail-house soap. Next!

Don't ask, he'll tell?:: First, I've gotta say that I just find Frank Ski to be extra and a know-it-all. And people who are extra tend to irk me. Like this chick in my neighborhood, who happens to be a local HBCU grad (all girls school, you know which one, and this is relevant), who picked a fight with the cashier at my local Publix at 7:10 AM. A fight about not wanting to scan her ATM card, because the person next to her (who wasn't me, and whose appearance was a little unkempt) was standing too close. Calling the cashier rude, threatening to never shop there again, holding up the rest of the line, loudly complaining about how she doesn't get treated like this elsewhere. As she finally scanned her pink and leopard-print ATM card, I had to just tell her: "You are so extra! It is way too early in the morning for all that extra-ness. It's completely unnecessary." I have this thing about XXXXX-college girls, they irk me constantly. I'm working on it. Ok, I digress.

But, with all Frank's extra-ness, he made a good point. "People shouldn't ask questions. They should be friends first, and then find out all those things as they're getting to know a person. Those first few questions are about deceit - and no one who's being deceitful will answer them honestly. So they're pointless. And if it's about sex (particularly for the DL/GAY/STD/MARITAL STATUS questions) you're not supposed to be giving it up that easily anyway. Women go into dating looking for a boyfriend, which is wrong. You should go into it looking for a friend, and see what happens. Most married women will tell you, the guy they married was their friend first, and the relationship developed..." He may have something here...

No questions. And a que sera, sera attitude. Sounds easy, right? Ok, maybe for you, but for an analytical control freak such as myself, this is Mission Impossiblé

Well, that dayum dating survey never did me any good, so I'm willing to try it. Your thoughts?