sagaciously is...

Mara wasn't always a girl geek. Matter of fact, she wasn't always on the approved side of the law. And to take that even further, she wasn't always on the moral side of philosophical life. Yeah, she did some dirt...

she was a geek, but not for long:: freshman year in high school, Mara was a year ahead of herself (skipped a grade), taking senior classes, naive from living in the burbs, and fresh out of a gifted school she fought hard to escape. And her mom dressed her funny. So Mara got picked on. A lot. Her sole mission in life back then, was to just be cool. So she latched on to some A-list kids, and these A-list kids smoked weed. Lots of weed. Mara was 13.

Now , we all have those stories: dad leaves a bag unattended, or some friends try to smoke lawn cuttings. Well, she did the same thing. But this was different. Mara's homegirl's parents sold weight. So, even when they couldn't sneak into their parent's stash, homegirl knew all the parents' buyers (hustlas in their own right). This was back when a dub would get you 20 fat ones wrapped neatly in Zig-Zags. By her sophmore year, Mara knew how to clean a sack, roll it, fashion home-made bongs out of empty toilet paper rolls and screens, and take a shotgun like it wasn't shyt. Mara was 14.

It was all in good fun though. They were young, and dumb and experimenting, right? Champale was king, although a Genny Cream Ale would work too. Mara and her homegirls played Quarters or Spoons alongside Spades, or the Question game (every question answered with a question, or else you're drinking/smoking something) at sleepovers. Sleepovers that boys snuck into. Her tolerance for Al-kyll-hol was cultivated between the ages of 14 and 16, and by age 17 - Mara could outdrink most grown men.

gimme the loot:: Now, how did she support her dub-sack/Al-kyll-hol habit? Good question, since Mara was too young to work. Well, allowance covered some. And her allowance was higher than most kids, thanks to SSI (dad died) and a whole lot of mama-guilt (mom worked a lot, to make up for dad being gone). But yeah, Mara also stole from her friends/family. Sure did. And she manipulated that mama guilt too. But even that wasn't always enough to keep her in fancy A-list duds, and fulfill the drug/Al-kyll-hol/cigarette habit. Particularly when Mara started taking Speed to offset the Weed. Oh yes, it was a progression - Mara was young and dumb, remember?

Poochie was his name. Poochie, with the money green Datsun, the chrome wheels, the kit, the bra, and running lights. Poochie, with the gold teeth, and chains/rings/bracelets to match. He caught up with Mara walking home from school one day. Poochie was a hustla - sold weight, and Poochie was ugly. Not just ugly, fugly. Like Mara didn't want to be seen with him in public. But he was a hustla, so she took his number, and they made an unspoken deal. Poochie at 19 was too old to be hanging out publicly with 15-16 year old Mara anyway, so Poochie courted her with free drugs. A $20-sack here, a few pills here, a 1/2 oz there, in lieu of movies and trips to Crystal Beach.

It was like hitting the jackpot. Mara's school was predominantly white, and not for anything - but those white kids were foolish about their drugs. So Mara's fat $20 sack could get her $40 by selling them individual joints at $2/each - thinly rolled, and laced with Oregano. The white kids never complained. For a sec, Mara was the school dealer, selling both joints and ravioli bags and kids she didn't even know were trying to get at her, to buy.

the ho-stroll...:: ...but Poochie had expectations. All that doesn't come for free, amd even as a ugly dude, he was a hustla with grown women trying to get at him. He wouldn't allow himself to get hustled by no young chick, even if she was mad cute. He pressured Mara for time alone in his apartment, tried hard to get at her (sexually), but she couldn't even kiss him without wincing. Eventually, the hook-up ended.

Her girls had already taken up the slack though. Her two best friends were already dating hustlas, so they just kept it moving. They threw parties, attended parties, and did what they had to do to keep the weed coming/going. Looking back, at them being 16, 17 and 19 - what they did was so close to ho-ing, it was indistinguishable. No, Mara never gave up any a$$ for cash or weed, but she dated guys that she shouldn't have entertained, for hookups. Mara dated a booster for free clothes, her girl dated a mechanic for free car parts. Maybe they were cute, she can't remember much - shyt Mara was pretty much high constantly by then.

...and maintainin':: Mara stayed at the top of her class, regardless. Graduated in the top 10th percentile, 95 average, got 100's in math, 90's in science, and scored 1210 (1600 scale) on her SAT's. All while high. Maintained so hard, her American History teacher tried hard to flunk her, because she slept through his entire class for a year, and still had an 88 average.

the X-step program:: it didn't come to a crashing end. But there were some lowlights that slowed her road:
a) Cocaine - two of her homegirls started snorting during her senior year. They tried to get Mara to snort with them, but the idea of putting shyt in her nose scared her too much. A coupla nosebleeds / flattening a$$es later, and they stopped being tight.
b) Senior Day - Mara and a group of her classmates basically bum-rushed a Likker Store before school started. Stole everything not nailed down, and mixed everything they stole in a local park: Cognac with MD 20/20, Wild Irish Rose with 151. She puked in 3rd period English, fell asleep in the puke, then woke up, ran out and puked all the way home. They thought it was too hilarious to be ashamed, and she wasn't the only one calling Earl that morning.
c) theBaby - she got pregnant (with a good friend's ex who also happened to smoke with her - her homegirl never forgave her). No weed during the pregnancy at all.
d) the White Rug - 2 weeks after Mara gave birth (about 8 months outta high school), her girls tried to get her high/drunk to celebrate. They had a new connect, a 25 yr old sista who had just purchased a new house, with a white shag rug. Not even 45 mins after the first smoke, Mara puked up Whiskey Sour just outside homegirl's bathroom. Mara was done smokin', for the most part.

Mara still drank though. See motherhood may have dampened her fashion designer aspirations (got accepted to FIT, but no parent housing available), but it didn't stop the party. She drank herself right outta college (with a 1.9 GPA). she drank herself right outta two relationships. She drank when she was happy, depressed, with friends, and sometimes alone. Mara was 21. And at 21 Mara realized she had a problem.

Mara got a handle on her drinking, herself. No 12-step for her. Mara had to dissassociate herself from some friends, who weren't at all happy about that. Her new man was ecstatic. Mara's had occasional binges since then (OD'd on Whiskey Sours one night at 112, and decorated her car interior. Oh yeah, and she tried to smoke a blunt in Piedmont park, passed out, and woke up 2 hours later laying in the grass - undisturbed. That was the last time she thought about smokin' weed.), but not like back then.

moral?:: I don't think there is one, except maybe to say that we all go through things sometimes, and sometimes we have to know ourselves when those things are getting the best of us, so we can put those things behind us. Mara got off (and out) easy. Howevr, Mara has former friends whose drug habits developed pretty nastily before they wised up (or didn't) and some friends whose associations with street pharmacists got them hemmed up either by the po-po (jail) or the streets (one was kidnapped temporarily, but returned only slightly harmed).

we all go through things sometimes. how we handle them is how we grow, and become sagacious. oh yeah, and that the hustle? it don't stop...