state of grace

A real post - yippee!

getting biblical:: So, during a millisecond break between writing feverishly for work, and cramming feverishly for a final, my coworker walks over and ask me one of those benign, I-don't-want-a-real-answer, 'cause-I'm-just-being-polite questions: "How ya doin'?" And me, possessing the gift of unadulterated honesty when under the gun, answers: "I'm walking in a constant state of grace. How are you?" He clearly gave me one of those "she's about to get biblical on me" looks, before I swiftly changed the subject, allowing him a graceful exit.

And since I can't explain my statement to him, who better than to 'splain to than my captive audience: you! You can thank me for boring you later.

constant state of grace:: more than a spiritual state off mind, my idea of grace descibes my journey thru all facets of life; the soul's walk, the heart's path, the mental stride. It's about preserving your most positive essence, regardless of negative people, situations, and life's ups and downs. That "be all you can be thing", with a little background music applied.

angels:: I first learned the meaning of grace from a coworker. She had the bearings of a young Lena Horne, eternally regal. This sista trained me for 4 weeks at a new gig, during the FL period, without knowing specifically what was going on. And she talked to me, not just about work, but about her llife, and the burdens she silently, regally bore. She battled endometriosis, without losing one full day of work, and seemingly without a hair out of place, in full, perfect makeup, smiling, as elegant as I aspired to be. And I Iearned that surviving negativity isn't a sufficient way too live. To live, you have to thrive.

my happy place:: on most days, under most circumstances, and in most situations (even supremely uncomfortable ones), I seek my happy place. That state of mind where I can find my grace. It can be in me blasting Stevie Wonder's "SuperWoman" singing at the top of my lungs in my oh-so-corporate parking lot. Or it can be in the MAC Humid eyeshadow tucked in my makeup bag. It could be buried amongst the 6 pairs of shoes currently residing in the back seat of my truck. Or the background music track that plays constantly in my head (current playing: Brand New Heavies "Stay This Way. Next song: Zero 7's remix of Mos Def's "Umi Says"). It's in Hammy reading to me. It's in theChaos showing me her new car.

The pernt:: I pack my Happy Place up and take it with me wherever I go. At times, I know we all feel like we put on a mask in certain situations, to deal. But I try (not always successfully) to keep my Happy Place somewhere handy, so that if when the situation arises, I can pull it out when I need to. Coworker designing your career pitfall so they can replace you? Pull out your Happy Place, so you can counterattack - with grace. Good friend flakes out on your with no warning? Put on your Happy Place music, so you can cuss her a$$ out - with grace - and preserve your friendship. New heights of bullshyt thrown your way from all angles, so much so that you can't even take 5 minutes out to post on your website and thank your readers properly for their positive comments? Start singing Soul II Soul's "Back to Life", until grace is restored.

tangent-land:: from age 17 until about 30, the happy place was the club. Literally. I lived there, played there, and dreamed there, and thanked heaven for house music. I worked while looking forward to being there. Don't get it twisted though, none of that playing-the-wall-looking-cute crap. (for a sec...)...A bitch packed a bag and took it with her, ok? (washcloth, soap, deodorant, shirt, hair accesories). The goal was to sweat for 2 hours, freshen up, and go back out to sweat. F*ck meeting theOne, I was getting my grace back. I worked some things out in there, and this bitch could dance. Still can, don't let the fat fool you. Matter of fact, if they served likker at LA Fitness, this bitch would probably be "Steppin' In the Name of Skinny". (Oh I gotta be at least a coupla shades to the wind to actually enjoy a f*ckin' step-class, I'm jes sayin'.) But I digress...

back to the matter at hand:: I told myself about a year ago, that I wanted to cut that path through the world. I've taken on some things, let some things go, and even when it rains (and I think the rain won't end), my bones know that grace will come in the morning. Chalk it up to G'd, Yahweh, Allah, Oshun, Osiris, Jesus or whomever you may want to attribute it to. I know my grace comes from God and I thank him every chance I get for gracing me with it.

So yeah, my coworker will probably give me the proverbial 'side-eye' now, every time he looks at me. That's cool. I got my grace with me ;-)