November 2006 Archives

Damnit.

A) I wrote this panama-length post about the police shootings in Atlanta, NYC, and how ridiculous it was that people are being picked off by the police like we're all starring in Magnum Force, and the police have an Uzis {Where is Clint Eastwood when you need him anyway?}. However, it's disappeared into thin air. Suffice it to say that I need to watch where (and when) I post.

B) The gist was: this is f*cking riduclous, as is this And if you're not trying to be the next victim, you may want to read this article, and this article. And maybe this article as well.

*begins rant that lost the post in the first place* Not that any of that will protect you from 50 bullets....and why do we already know that drugs were sold from her home, as well as how many times the officers were shot, but not how many times exactly did the police shoot the 92 year old grandmother? See, these are the kinds of questions that keep me up at night....

I ran into Pearl Cleage one day in the grocery store, and was pretty much dumbfounded. See, I always admired Pearl for her work. However, the minute I came across the actuality of her, I couldn't remember one dayum thing I'd read of hers. I went home that night, kicking myself - and ordered "What Looks Like Crazy on an Ordinary Day". I still have the intent to read it....

My knowledge of Pearl Cleage is not unlike my knowledge of Bebe Moore Campbell. Like so many authors that I stumble across, I'm always encouraged to read more of their stuff. See, I've been an off-again, on-again subscriber of Essence and Ebony since I was 15 years old, and there was a time (pre-MBA) when they were a monthly must-read. I still buy them, mostly for the gear & pics...but I loved many of their (sometimes) infrequent contributors, like Dr Brenda Wade, Sonia Sanchez, Nikki Giovanni, Amiri Baraka, bell hooks, Kevin Powell, etc. And Bebe as well.

However, it was Bebe Moore Campbell's essay "To Be Gifted, Black and Alone" hitting way too close to home, that helped gel in my mind that our (yes, us sistren) common experiences is what I enjoy reading most about, and what I strive to write about. Yes Virginia, there is an underlying method to my madness, and it's to just allow my stories (posts, blogs, experiences, voice, what-have-you) to add to the diaspora. Bebe did that so well....it's just surreal that she's gone.

No, I didn't know her - but had I run into Bebe in the grocery store, I would've liked to say: "you know that article you wrote about Leanita McClain? It touched me in ways I can hardly express. Thank you for inspiring me to be above my circumstances. And to write better than my immediacy."

I miss her already.

Hi. My name is saga, and I'm a swagger addict.

*crowd responds in unison* Hi, saga!

I've known for a long time that I had a problem with swagger, but I worked hard to handle it on my own. I've remade myself, donning a professional image. I've made it a point to stop hanging out with my gold-diggin, thug-loving friends. I've gone out of my way to meet, date and embrace "nice-guys". But the inner ride-or-die chick is still strong within me. Even though I'm completely over the whole "thug-love" paradigm, she still whispers in my ear, softly: "Let the swagger be with you".

swagger: (Pronunciation: 'swa-g&r) Etymology: perhaps of Scandinavian origin; akin to Norwegian svagga to sway (although Norwegian swagger is definitely wrong on so many levels), or rock; akin to Middle Low German swacken to rock - intransitive verb.
1. How one presents him or her self to the world. Swagger is shown from how the person handles a situation. It can also be shown in the person's walk. An appearance of self-confidence.
2. Prideful, Arrogant walk or stride.

I've always known I loved men with swagger. I've had a thing for too many street hustlas to not acknowledge it. Anyone from Ghostface (my next baby-daddy), to Method Man, to Antoine Fuqua, to to Dame Dash (yes, I said it) to Allen Rossum. Given a choice, I'm definitely picking Russell 'Stringer' Bell over Idris Elba, Alonzo over Denzel Washington, and Kareem Akbar over Christopher Williams. But I really though I'd gotten past it. Focused on "admirable" qualities, like ambition, honesty, integrity, ability to commit, and gotten past the whole "they gotta have some street hustla in them" stage. I'd made up my mind to get past "thug-love" to try to find a reformed hustla, who could appreciate the hustla in me.

Yo, I should've known when they started running Jay-Z's HP commercials, that the swagger addiction was still very strong. See, I have never been a huge Jay-Z fan. Truth be told, I always felt like his steez was Biggie's, borrowed while Big was with us, and completely jacked when Biggie passed on. Yeah, I liked his music, but I wasn't gonna co-sign the "he's kinda cute" bandwagon on some 'ole swagger addicted shyt. Not even as homie blew up completely, clothing line, baggin' Beyonce, and the whole nine. Just no. The Joe Camel analogy is just too close to home for adoration comfort. Besides, I'm obviously way too old for old dude. But when that cufflink-with-French-cuffs wearing headless body starts talking about his investments and stock portfolio in that Brooklyn accent, I'm just done. And don't even get me started about that new song. I ain't gone just blow homie up on some ole' "he's sexy as shyt" type BS, but on any given Sunday - he could get it. For real.

Yes, I'm addicted - not to thug love, but to swagger. And I ain't even sure I want to work on it.

It was pointed out to me again recently, as I ran a comparison of two "hook-ups" that my friends are trying to put together for me. Two different friends, who know me really well, and given my qualities, personality, values, etc. - who are trying to find a "decent" guy for me. I met both guys, both are "nice", but my gut chose one distinct winner, based primarily on the swagger. Yeah, I know that's so wrong. So, I did a side by side comparison. Now, I ain't saying that I'm perfect (lawd knows, I don't know how I'd measure up in this type of comparison), but I gotta be real - my time is limited, and I ain't willing to 'waste' it on someone I know I'm not compatible with. The comparison is below. You decide.

+++++++++++++++ SWAGGER COMPARISON REMOVED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY - AND MY POTENTIAL TO CONTINUE TO DATE EITHER DUDE. BOTH HAD ISSUES, SOUTHERN GUY #1 WITH COMMITMENT AND NORTHEASTERN GUY #2 WITH FINANCES. YOU'D THINK I'D PICK THE COMMITMENT PHOBE TO WORK WITH, BUT THE DUDE WITH THE NORTHEASTERN SWAGGER WON +++++++++++++

Now, given the above tale-of-the-tape, I should put my own 'stats' up, right? Ok, I will (I ain't scared). And I ain't even putting up my own. Here are 10 things from a few friends that know me way too well.

And yes, I take both of those as compliments. To my Friends - thank you! Both lists are incredibly accurate. Honestly I'd have been way harder on myself than any of my friends, so I just have to thank God for them having my back, and indulging my (occasional) self-centered-ness. And I know that some of those things are questionably positive/negative (the blunt thing tends to get me into hot water). But yeah, that's me. So given my Line-Up, there are some qualities that damnit, I just ain't f*ckin' budging about, and the swagger thing is one of them. I got my own damn swagger, thank you very much - and my swagger knows exactly what it's attracted to.

So, you wondering what the draw is, right? What's attractive about that Northern swagger? Just like a brother wants a lady in the streets, mama in the kitchen, freak in the sheets - a woman wants a man who can be corporate in the boardroom, and blow her back out in the bedroom. But that just ain't it though. It's that rough Bronx whisper, saying sweet things in my ear. Telling me in that eternally nasal (from XX years of cold, wet winters) voice that say, "yeah, it's gonna be ok. I got you." And you know he means it. She also wants that brother that will mash shyt up if things ever get hectic, as they inevitably do. Who'll go hard after that $$$, knock some heads up for disrespecting her, or just hold her down if things get rough for her. Hustlas (at the end of the day) are leaders by nature, and that is naturally attractive.

So yeah, I'm a swagger addict. And I'm not ready to put my addiction behind me. Not Quite Yet.

I'm here, I swear - I'm here!

I've been ridiculously busy, and I'm gonna catch you up (I swear). As soon as I get a few things off my chest...

...oh, you're wondering what exactly? Ah - another post ;-)

I got this from PrincessDominique, and frankly...lol....I'm not sure what to think. T.I. and Jamie Foxx, ok-ay...but Desmond Llewelyn? Da hell?!

Ok, Harry Belafonte and Florence Griffith Joyner were also thrown in for good measure....as was Peter Ustinov. I swear, I can't win....lmao.