sagaciously is...

Hi. My name is saga, and I'm a swagger addict.

*crowd responds in unison* Hi, saga!

I've known for a long time that I had a problem with swagger, but I worked hard to handle it on my own. I've remade myself, donning a professional image. I've made it a point to stop hanging out with my gold-diggin, thug-loving friends. I've gone out of my way to meet, date and embrace "nice-guys". But the inner ride-or-die chick is still strong within me. Even though I'm completely over the whole "thug-love" paradigm, she still whispers in my ear, softly: "Let the swagger be with you".

swagger: (Pronunciation: 'swa-g&r) Etymology: perhaps of Scandinavian origin; akin to Norwegian svagga to sway (although Norwegian swagger is definitely wrong on so many levels), or rock; akin to Middle Low German swacken to rock - intransitive verb.
1. How one presents him or her self to the world. Swagger is shown from how the person handles a situation. It can also be shown in the person's walk. An appearance of self-confidence.
2. Prideful, Arrogant walk or stride.

I've always known I loved men with swagger. I've had a thing for too many street hustlas to not acknowledge it. Anyone from Ghostface (my next baby-daddy), to Method Man, to Antoine Fuqua, to to Dame Dash (yes, I said it) to Allen Rossum. Given a choice, I'm definitely picking Russell 'Stringer' Bell over Idris Elba, Alonzo over Denzel Washington, and Kareem Akbar over Christopher Williams. But I really though I'd gotten past it. Focused on "admirable" qualities, like ambition, honesty, integrity, ability to commit, and gotten past the whole "they gotta have some street hustla in them" stage. I'd made up my mind to get past "thug-love" to try to find a reformed hustla, who could appreciate the hustla in me.

Yo, I should've known when they started running Jay-Z's HP commercials, that the swagger addiction was still very strong. See, I have never been a huge Jay-Z fan. Truth be told, I always felt like his steez was Biggie's, borrowed while Big was with us, and completely jacked when Biggie passed on. Yeah, I liked his music, but I wasn't gonna co-sign the "he's kinda cute" bandwagon on some 'ole swagger addicted shyt. Not even as homie blew up completely, clothing line, baggin' Beyonce, and the whole nine. Just no. The Joe Camel analogy is just too close to home for adoration comfort. Besides, I'm obviously way too old for old dude. But when that cufflink-with-French-cuffs wearing headless body starts talking about his investments and stock portfolio in that Brooklyn accent, I'm just done. And don't even get me started about that new song. I ain't gone just blow homie up on some ole' "he's sexy as shyt" type BS, but on any given Sunday - he could get it. For real.

Yes, I'm addicted - not to thug love, but to swagger. And I ain't even sure I want to work on it.

It was pointed out to me again recently, as I ran a comparison of two "hook-ups" that my friends are trying to put together for me. Two different friends, who know me really well, and given my qualities, personality, values, etc. - who are trying to find a "decent" guy for me. I met both guys, both are "nice", but my gut chose one distinct winner, based primarily on the swagger. Yeah, I know that's so wrong. So, I did a side by side comparison. Now, I ain't saying that I'm perfect (lawd knows, I don't know how I'd measure up in this type of comparison), but I gotta be real - my time is limited, and I ain't willing to 'waste' it on someone I know I'm not compatible with. The comparison is below. You decide.

+++++++++++++++ SWAGGER COMPARISON REMOVED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY - AND MY POTENTIAL TO CONTINUE TO DATE EITHER DUDE. BOTH HAD ISSUES, SOUTHERN GUY #1 WITH COMMITMENT AND NORTHEASTERN GUY #2 WITH FINANCES. YOU'D THINK I'D PICK THE COMMITMENT PHOBE TO WORK WITH, BUT THE DUDE WITH THE NORTHEASTERN SWAGGER WON +++++++++++++

Now, given the above tale-of-the-tape, I should put my own 'stats' up, right? Ok, I will (I ain't scared). And I ain't even putting up my own. Here are 10 things from a few friends that know me way too well.

And yes, I take both of those as compliments. To my Friends - thank you! Both lists are incredibly accurate. Honestly I'd have been way harder on myself than any of my friends, so I just have to thank God for them having my back, and indulging my (occasional) self-centered-ness. And I know that some of those things are questionably positive/negative (the blunt thing tends to get me into hot water). But yeah, that's me. So given my Line-Up, there are some qualities that damnit, I just ain't f*ckin' budging about, and the swagger thing is one of them. I got my own damn swagger, thank you very much - and my swagger knows exactly what it's attracted to.

So, you wondering what the draw is, right? What's attractive about that Northern swagger? Just like a brother wants a lady in the streets, mama in the kitchen, freak in the sheets - a woman wants a man who can be corporate in the boardroom, and blow her back out in the bedroom. But that just ain't it though. It's that rough Bronx whisper, saying sweet things in my ear. Telling me in that eternally nasal (from XX years of cold, wet winters) voice that say, "yeah, it's gonna be ok. I got you." And you know he means it. She also wants that brother that will mash shyt up if things ever get hectic, as they inevitably do. Who'll go hard after that $$$, knock some heads up for disrespecting her, or just hold her down if things get rough for her. Hustlas (at the end of the day) are leaders by nature, and that is naturally attractive.

So yeah, I'm a swagger addict. And I'm not ready to put my addiction behind me. Not Quite Yet.