sagaciously is...

You know who it is...it's me, bitches!

LMAO - yes, I'm back. I want to drop a quick thank you to all those folks that emailed me, and checked on me - 'cause I really appreciate the support. I'm gonna thank y'all properly later, along with catch-up on what I've been up to, but first I've gotta get something off my formidable chest.

I've been reading a lot, to overcome some writer's block, and to find some inspiration. Normally, my hiatuses are for one of two reasons: I'm too busy to post, or I'm too overwhelmed with stuff to come up with something decent to post about. So, when the blogger's block hits, I tend to read - anything I can come across. This hiatus, I've been overwhelmed and uninspired, so I figured I'd read about some things I'm passionate about: fashion and relationships. No books...well, there was The Pocket Stylist, which does come in handy...but mostly message boards, popular articles, Blackplanet's forums, etc. I've also been swallowing a whole lot of bullshyt at work and in dating, which relates to my rant topic as well.

about this whole, black women are too _______, thing:: I know, I've probably belabored this topic, but I just don't understand this one, so I really need someone to break this down for me like I'm 5 years old, and it's the first day of school. The premise is that Black men are complaining that black women are too: independent, stanch, aggressive, bossy, demanding, self-sufficient, stubborn, argumentative, adamant, challenging, assertive, forceful, unyielding, domineering, smart-for-their-own-good, ________ (fill-in-the-blank with whatever adjective you can come up with to describe the stereotypical Sapphire black woman). And subsequently, emasculating. And so, because the black woman is just TOO, some of them (not all, by far) are turning to Becky. Or Kim Lee. Or Micaela. Or Mali. You get the idea.

The part I don't get is, when did _______ become a bad thing? I'll admit up front, that stubborn, argumentative, unyielding and domineering, ain't exactly sexy. Hows-n-ever, black women in America have historically been valued by their assertiveness, their tenacity, their aggressiveness, their self-sufficiency, their strength. When did that strength become a bad word? When the dollars showed up alongside it? No doubt imbalance is problematic in all people, regardless of color, race, religion, sexual orientation or gender. But there's an underlying assumption in this situation that if a black woman possesses any typically Sapphire traits, that the imbalance is present (based on the brother's past experiences, or whatever), and he proceeds/behaves accordingly. Whether that imbalance it truly present is kind of an aside.

You're stupid, therefore I'm smart:: Auuugh, I run into this one at work, and at school. As I told a good friend of mine who thinks I'm a Mensa candidate, smart is relative (just like speed, but ah - another post). I love that I'm semi-intelligent. Love it, so please do not get that twisted. But I'm also (as my graying hairs like to scream) old and wise enough to know, that I really don't know shyt. Really doe. In the grand scheme of knowledge, knowledge is much like the ocean, deep and endlessly expansive, evolving dynamically and sometimes overwhelming. And I'm just one lil miniscule atom of water (not even a whole drop) in that ocean. I really ain't all that friggin smart, ya dig?

But damnit, that doesn't stop my smart-ass colleagues, classmates, compatriots, coworkers, and collaborators en masse from trying to humiliate each other (and subsequently themselves) in order to make themselves appear smarter. In meetings, in one-on-one conversations, in class, in casual conversation, people love to expound on some shyt they think they know a thing or two about (bloggers too...as I'm doing rightch now). That part isn't the problem. The problem is that when these folks are challenged (or sometimes just to make themselves look smarter), they've got to enter "ChallengeLand", and pull out all the stops to mentally vanquish their perceived "opponent", to win the argument, prove their point, and subsequently prove themselves smart. Well, damn. I've been labeled "smart" for a while, so I've seen this happen for a while, but my "anti-smart-people" epiphany was in a Psych101 class, in watching a fellow student, a B+ student at that, literally murmer "under her breath", loud enough so that anyone else could hear, how "stupid" another classmate was for asking a question. Silly B+ student, isn't that why we're all there? And didn't you just make yourself a Psych101 example? (motivation: self-gratification, acceptance and validation. Now hand me my A+).

in all their ghetto-fabulous glory:: which may be a misnomer, but let's work with it for a bit. I live in the SWATS (South West Atlanta), the burbs of the SWATS (hallelujah, holla back - I LOVE John Brown), but the SWATS nevertheless. Ghetto Revival, y'all! (Ok, I'm back from my White Rapper moment). Anty-ways, regardless of me being in the burbs, I'm surrounded by my colored folks, which IMHO is as it should be. But my colored folks in my 'burbian hood, are er - semi-affluent. They got a lil sumthin', sumthin'. And some of them, look down at some of us, look down at some of them other ghetto-folks, who look down at the most fabulous of them, in all their ghetto-fabulous glory. (shouts to Hotghettomess.com for ghetto-inspiration).

But add on to all that, the NFATS (North Fulton Atliens), trying to divorce the SWATS. And Sandy Springs, Milton, Johns Creek et. al. trying to divorce Fulton County. And US Citizens trying to divorce immigrants, as well as terrorists, and racists trying to divorce anyone that's different, and it all begins to be just a bit much...

I know you're thinking: WTF does black men saying black women are emasculating have to do with N. Fulton kicking the SWATS to the curb, or smart people for that matter. Stay with me now, there is a common thread....and here it is....

devaluing me doesn't prove your value...:: ...or validate your value, or prove your worth, or (better yet) make you worthier. This is not a 0-sum game people. If I, a black woman, am aggressive as hell, and you, as a black man, state that isn't desirable, or that I'm less desirable as a result - that doesn't make you more desirable. So for the life of me, I can't figure out how me being aggressive is emasculating? How does making me more (or different) make you less? And how can I, as a US Citizen, (ultimately somewhere in my bloodline) borne of immigrants, say that Joe Immigrant is less, so therefore I deserve more, and he less? If I say you're dumb, that doesn't make me smart. If I say you're classless (or broke, or g-hetto), that doesn't make me sophisticated, rich or classy. Etc....etc...ad nauseum.

for now, the brethren:: LMAO - I had a little, er - incident with a brother lately. We went out, things were cool, I got busy, stopped returning his calls, he got a lil PO'ed, etc. Par for the course. Where things really went south, was the ending. I blew him off (he was a little indecisive and passive for me) without explanation, he left me a tart voicemail, I responded with a tart email. Which should've been the end of story - us agreeing to disagree.

But no, homeboy subsequently responded with some 8th grade BS. He literally went from age 48 to age 11 in 0.06 seconds - via an email laced with vulgarities which was really over-the-top insulting. I can take a punch, but he tried to f*ck me with no vaseline, and that just ain't happening. So I told the principle (adminstrators for the site where his email address was registered - the abuse line). What I needed him, and those brethren of his ilk to understand, is that saying we're too ___________ or less _________ doesn't make you look shiny and new, so that the next chick will line up to get at you. You're really playing yourself, and any chick worth her salt knows that, no matter what color she is.