cult of type A personality
Warning: this post is rated M for Mature, and may contain strong sexual content and drug references. Viewers please be advised.
I'm beginning to understand why some Type A personalities smoke rocks...are sex addicts...or use prescription drugs....
So, I'm task-n-context switching from work (and its associated set of stressors) to head to class (a whole different set of stressors) after a long day. Starting with a mild road rage incident (yes, I was the agressor), my being trapped in a parking space by a N. Fultonite who happens to be a Georgia Tech Grad (which is only slightly less maddening than being trapped by a UGA Grad), typical corporate politricks involving brown-nosing, back-stabbing, finger-pointing, blame-laying and the shuffling or work to maneuver positions, etc, etc, ad nauseum. You know the routine. But I have to get to class, and I need to focus on the way.
So, I get in the car and call Sadat X to assist me in the switch - and as he picks up, I have an epiphany:
me: "I could really use some a$$"
Sadat X, without missing a beat: "yo, um... I gotta girl - so I really can't help you with that."
me: "Don't flatter yourself. No, I mean like I really could use some a$$..." And I detailed what I meant....
theJumpOff:: I needed a jump off. We women really get upset with men when they talk about this. Some random, commitment-free head under the desk. Sneaking a random nut in a bathroom stall. An episode against the wall of a (hopefully) empty stairwell. A full blown round in the car. Getting some a$$/head in an incredibly open and public place, maybe with people watching. You get the idea.
me, literally: "I'm beginning to understand why some Type A personalities smoke rocks...or use prescription drugs...."
Sadat X: "ok, yeah - get some a$$ - please"
Do you remember Type A personalities depicted in movies set in the 80's? Less than Zero, with its ridiculously excessive drugginess? Gordon Gekko and Bud Fox's extreme lifestyle? American Psycho's doing poppers and cocaine use? Well, my workplace isn't nearly at that $ level, but I know of quite a few coworkers with, er, some issues with some substances. And I've always thought that the reason was an overwhelming desire for that "rush".
(Aside: if you didn't know, the administrative asisstants tend to always know where the bodies are buried. On Secretaries Day, you should take one out to lunch and allow her to vent.)
But back to my epiphany - I figured out that their drug use was to help that context-switch. A lil weed to mellow me out. Uppers to get me up in the morning, and downers to allow me to sleep at night. Designer crack, maybe? Some Xanax, Zoloft or Paxil? A jump-off.
Yeah, it was at this point in my argument that Sadat began to think some random a$$ was a really good idea.
I'm not about to go off on designer drug tangent-land (have you heard that Crack is da bidness in some circles? can you say hell-to-the-no?). But damnit, I could stand to have an emergency d*ck mounted somewhere in my car, in the break glass case. Am I wrong for wanting to, er - handle some things at work - to release some pressure?
theKoolAid:: I've tried hard for the last few years at theGig, to not drink the Kool Aid. To not buy into the hive mindset, to not exhibit that excessively indulgent, superior behavior, and to resist the trappings and privileges that working at theGig and making thatAmountofMoney can afford. But an occasional pssssssshhhh from the pressure cooker that is my life can't be a bad thing, can it?
Or can it? I sorta feel myself sliiiiiiiidin closer and closer to that Type A guy. Constantly pissed off for no reason. Fighting more and more aggressively to get to the next level of their career, sacrificing first his own needs, then that of his family and friends, to ensure career "success". Employing whatever means/methods are necessary to continue achieving. Then (ultimately) sliding towards negative behaviors to make things happen. No, I won't give in to the "maintenance man" thing again, since I KNOW that's not what I want. Or crack, or pills, or self-indulgence. But it is a fight, let me tell you.
Sometimes I quite *literally* hear Pink Floyd singing: "We dont need no education. We don't need no thought control..."