I Just DGF
DGF = Don't Give a F*ck. Or Flying F*ck, really. And I really don't, and I honestly don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. Let me 'splain.
theSpark:: One of my homeboys and I got into a heated discussion recently, about this very blog. There are some things written here about him, while very true, may not be 100% flattering. Accurate, but not always nice. Not always unflattering either, but that's no consolation for him. He's not happy about me just "putting it all out there", and frankly when I tried to 'splain to him why I did it, we had to agree to disagree. He doesn't "get it".
theCrux:: of the matter is whether we (as individuals) care what other people think. He does. I don't. Don't get me wrong - I do have an approval button. I do have some strong ideas about decorum, etiquette, manners, and doing the "right" thing. But that button is driven by what I think, what I care about, and my integrity. I do GF about being true to myself. I push it to please me, not to please others. Not anymore.
I *used* to have an almost overwhelming need for approval. A lot of my life was driven by trying to earn approval from others. Trying to get them to like me. Trying to win their favor. Sometimes it worked. But in one life-changing case, it failed so miserably that it taught me a whole lot about self-validation and self-love. And to look inward for approval. And it erased my regret and shame hard drive, so that I typically don't have an external barometer for my behavior. If I embarass myself, it's because I did something that shocked me, not someone else. Hence me pushing that button. I do have common sense, but...
IJustDGF:: what other people think, feel, say, repeat, gossip, discuss, etc. about my actions or me as a person. 'Specially DGF about the opinions of people I don't know. People will gossip regardless of what I do. Well, for the most part I DGF. I'll give in to the occasional self-doubt, but end up kicking myself back into DGF mode: "da hell are you thinking - snap out of it!"
I know my coworkers consider me a maverick - I don't seek out their social circles, but don't consciously avoid them either. I have fun when we're out, but don't nurture social relationships at work. They think I'm "anti-social". I'm not. Just indifferent. I JustDGF to 'socially network' in that environment, with people I DGF about. Bleh. School - now that's another matter entirely. But for both - I do what I gotta do, and only if it serves me. I could give a f*ck about what anyone else thinks. Honestly.
And as far as you, kind readers - I do care whether/not you read, return. But not enough to cater solely to what you want me to write about. I care more about the truth that I need to tell, than boosting readership. Trife, maybe - but it is what it is. Please, send me ideas - no doubt. I appreciate that, 'specially in the writer's slump I've been in lately. Just know that I'm a narcissistic blogger.
theArrogantBytch:: that may be a problem, though. It comes off really ARROGANT and self-centered. Arrogant in all caps. Like "I DON'T GIVE A F*CK WHAT ANYONE THINKS!!!", when it's really more like "eh - who cares?" But I ran into another old friend yesterday, and she said "yanno, you've changed. You are way more arrogant than you were when we met...." And that was never my intent, yanno? So I'll take it down a notch. I'm non-plussed, not anti. I just don't understand why people put so much emphasis on impressing the world at large.
Impress yourself, yanno? Wear blue hair, and legwarmers with no panties, and fake eyelashes, and shave your balls. Twirl your own baton and march to the beat of your own drum. Pierce random parts of your body, get breast implants and dance like an a$$ in the middle of the floor, by yourself - if that's what makes you happy! Just f*cking do it.
At the end of the day, who tucks you in at night, and makes sure you feel safe? Who pays your house note and car note? Whose a$$ will be hurting if you slip and fall and bust it? If you're giving an important presentation and forget a word, whose *bad* will it be? Yours and yours alone. Mine and mine alone. So why GF what other people think of your f*ckups or achievements? Your happiness is yours to create and yours alone - so we'd all do well to stop giving a f*ck what people think, and snatch that happiness outta thin air every chance we get.
theBalance:: or what I do GF about. I have a close circle of friends that hold me down, like my family. I have my kids. I have a few good men, who may try to get at me, once they understand that if they hang in there long enough - I will GF about them, and that me GF about them is the best investment they'll ever make in their llife. And that's the most I GF about.