July 2007 Archives

We..he...hell. Too much to do, with too little time, means....procrastination?

Honestly, semi-baseless fears are welling up inside me, a real force to be reckoned with. A 10 hour flight? A trip to a country where i don't speak the language? Date rape drugs and muggings/disappearances? Will I make the plane on time?

I refuse to let my fears paralyze me, so to counter them - a healthy distraction. How about some ketch-up? What's been going on with me:

theLoveLife:: I had a sweetie for a minute, but turns out we weren't right for each other, so I had to let that go. I also had some backups lined up, but they were all a lil off in the head. And there was this one guy....but I don't even want to go there again (sidenote: ur girl was a lil stalker-ish when she figured out she wasn't ready, okl? It took me a minute to digest that I wasn't ready). Let's just say you can't always get what you want...and my dance card is CLEAR, again.

theGig:: HATED IT. No, really - it's cool, for what it's worth. A paycheck. That's it. I SO need to move on, so whatever on-the-job experience I get that's helpful will do.

theGradSchool:: get your checkbooks in order, because December 15, 2007 is G-day. I do take cash, credit cards (via paypal), checks, as well as airline vouchers, gift cards, and furs. Or diamonds. Or platinum. Or cars. Don't think "she's playing", because I am SO serious. LMAO. Ok, seriously - my GPA is above 3.5, I'm on track to graduate in December, and I'll FINALLY be done with my college education. Yippee!!!

aside:: ssshhhhhhh about that PhD for now - I don't want to think about it.

theKids:: my daughter, theChaos can sing, y'all. She really can blow, and her voice is so unique (in a good way). She also did a redesign of her site, so visit her for all your graphic design needs.

Hammy is (as always) my main man, and getting to look the part. Sheesh, he's a pre-teen, which is scary.

theRandomNess:: ain't a whole lot else going on, but the rent. I'm still loving my house (and my lawn dude...lol). I'm still boughetto as ever (I got the most fab pair of Target silver shoes I'm dying to wear....lol). And I'm still trying to get myself ready, for.....

...well, yes the trip, but beyond that? Good question....

So, most normal folks will probably want to start this much earlier than I, but I'm a fly by the seat of your pants type of chick. This is the list of non-traditional items...the things that you probably didn't think about, but will definitely need. Note that this list isn't comprehensive, and I'll be adding items as I think of them. *Feel free to email me more* But there are some essentials that have to go in the luggage:

• travel iron: not all hotels have one, and ours doesn't
  
• travel adapters/converters/transformers: 110V vs 220V vs 240V - Brookstone has a nice set, that includes plugs and a map (so you know which to use) for a total of $40.
  
• bubble wrap: trying to bring back that nice vase you bought at the street market? or pretty glass sculpture? Or (if you're a lush like myself) you're trying to smuggle back more than the allotted two bottles of Cachaça. Well, bubble wrap (apparently) is the Q-tip of travelling...it serves many purposes.
  
• all hair products, including accessories: no Walgreens up the street, means I can't run out and get scrunchies...lol.
  
• stomach stuff: antacids, anti-diarrheals, laxative tea, peppermint tea
  
• batteries: for all the gadgets (camera, mp3 player, etc.) I'm bringing
  
• insect repellent: this is a given
  
• antibacterial gel: again, nuff said
  
• condiments: as if.
  
• condoms: hopefully...tee-hee.
  
• tote bag: don't want the Hermés to get missing/lost/stolem - even if it IS a good fake.
  
• wallet, and fake wallet: this was another safety tip suggestion. Keep a fake wallet with a little cash, and the fake ID, pics and credit cards they normally put into new wallets - this is to fake out a potential mugger. Then, keep your real wallet (ID, Credit Cards, etc.) someplace where a robber/mugger wouldn't look. I may have a gas face for the US that says "don't try me, I'm from NY", but I doubt it'll work overseas. I'm so trying this one.
  
• gift for company host: since we're touring different companies, and want to make a good impression the suggestion was to bring our company hosts a present, even a small one, to make ourselves memorable. Email me with suggestions, please :-)
  

matter of fact, if you have any other suggestions - email me.

So obviously, I've got my passport & visas in order. *at this point, if I didn't - I'd be SOL*. Travel arrangements have been made, itineraries distributed, so there are other considerations my professors' shared with us about international travel. Oh yeah, for those new here...I'm headed to Rio, Buenos Aires and Colonia.

Next items on the agenda: health & safety considerations.

theDressCode:: of course we're doing the company/government visits, etc. So I have to have corporate casual attire. However, there are all kinds of other cultural considerations that I never thought of....such as these Latin American countries are patriarchal, and gender influences interactions heavily. So, I gotta keep the twins and the assets under control, know what I mean? In that spirit, I visit: http://www.journeywoman.com/, to get pointers on dressing for my specific destinations. It's a cool site, because the comments are from actual travelers, not just some canned responses. (Geek aside - the GUI's need work). Their common theme is to err on the side of conservative - duh, I should have known that.

dimTheBling:: the other common recommendation is to turn the volume down on the bling - minimal jewelry, and not flashing money. Again, duh. But I didn't consider leaving my Tiffany silver behind, because it's subdued. And while I love my fake Hermes bag, that may have to stay in the US as well. Oh well, the jury is still out on these. I do know that I'm packing those rinky-dink Coach wallet-purses. They're flat so I can wear it close to the body, and it's hard to detect once on.

importantDocuments:: this one spooked me a little - but yes, you should make copies of all your important documents (passport, medical ID cards, dental records, medical/prescription information, blood type, emergency contact info, etc) and leave a copy with your emergency contacts at home, and take another copy with you. You know, just in case. Don't want to give THAT any more energy, so....

theDrinking:: this one's easy, just act like you have some sense. This is the primary reason why I elected to room with a grownup. And yes, we are sharing rooms.

travelFirstAidKit:: I put these together even for domestic travel, so this is a must-have. Pharmacies abound, but you should still put this together before you leave, and make sure all your extended stay items are in there, like pain relievers, anti-diarrheal, band-aids, antibacterials, disinfectant, etc. I'm even throwing in my favorite laxative tea, just in case. Pads in case Aunt Flo shows up, condoms in case she doesn't ;-) But seriously, you should pack any items you'd normally need for the length of time you're traveling - in my case the things I'd potentially use in a 2 week period.

theDoctor:: a routine medical checkup is in order, and a heads up to the good Dr about where you're going is also a must. That way, he can ensure your vaccinations are up to date, and suggest any additional ones. Another suggestion I found helpful was to check your medical coverage with your health insurance carrier, to see if you're covered while traveling.

moreTips:: that were mentioned:

• bottled water for drinking AND brushing your teeth
  
• all food must be fully cooked - no rare meat (booooooooo - do they not know I'm headed to Beef country?)
  
• don't pet the animals - they may carry diseases
  
• carry anti-bacterial everywhere
  
• STD's abound, but STD awareness does not, so act accordingly.
  

theLegalSystem:: this one is the most important to NOT lose sight of. The laws in the host country can vary dramatically, even for the smallest infractions, so act accordingly. The host country's legal system is unfamiliar, and in an unfamiliar language, so getting hemmed up is just not an option (and your US lawyer cannot help you abroad). So, no drunk & disorderlies, no mouthing off to the police, no taking pictures of civil demonstrations, no barfights or even getting caught up in a soccer fight. Avoid jail at all costs.

These tips were just a few suggestions, but there are more at the State Department's travel site, the University of San Diego's travel site, and the CDC's website, to name a few.

That's it for now...tomorrow, logistics (or what I like to think of as, "Again, how many plugs for my laptop do i need?"

I'm so ready to leave, I can't even explain it to you....

So my study abroad pre-trip classes are over, and we have our itinerary.

Buenos Aires, Argentina - 7 days. 4 days we have commitments to company visits, visits to government headquarters and university visits. The other 2 days are dedicated to settling in, etc. And our professors surprised us with.....

Colonia, Uruguay - 1 day (optional). Apparently, Colonia is just across the Rio de la Plata from Buenos Aires, so they're offering another play day, with a ferry ride to Colonia as well.

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil - 7 days. Again, 4 days of company visits, government visits and university visits, with 2 free days, and one optional day.

Can I just say that, I've been so consumed with the logistics here at home (sitters for Hammy, sitters for the house, etc.) and at work (ensuring coverage, wrapping up my projects, etc.) that I haven't had time to think about it? Well, that and...

...well, sometimes when people throw salt in your game, it's hard to enjoy it, kna'mean? Nuff said.

But these last few classes for this study abroad trip, we finally got beyond the economics and history of Brazil and Argentina (which is interesting in and of itself) and started focusing more on it's current states of - development, globalization, economics, politics, etc. That's when it really started sinking in. I'm crossing the equator, thousands of miles, to two beautiful and completely unfamiliar locales, to a place where English is the second language, and American capitalism is considered imperialist. I'm SO open about this right now, because I get the feeling that this experience will teach me more about myself, than about the countries I'm visiting.

The word glee comes to mind.

Anyway, stay tuned...I have updates that previous students have shared about traveling safely, shopping, customs requirements, etc. The next 3 weeks are gonna be interesting.

It's hard sometimes, I know - but sometimes you just have to throw in the towel...

Ok, no - this is not about me ending the blog. Although, I've been so busy lately the thought has crossed my mind. But no - this isn't necessarily about me, although it applies. It just seems like we (as people) hold on to things/lovers/friends/family/connections much longer than we should. And sometimes we (as women) hold on even longer because we're nurturers. And beyond that we (as black women) stick around even beyond reason, because when faced with all the hardships that being a black woman presents to us in this world, holding on to 'something', even when that 'something' is toxic, provides the only sense of stability in an otherwise crazy world. So we keep things waaaay past their expiration date.

and why are we friends, again?:: I had this friend, let's call her Faith. Faith and I became friends because we had a common enemy: Drama. We confided in each other, talked about said Drama, and became each other's shoulder to cry on. When Faith needed help, I had her back. I kept her secrets, and she kept mine. Seems functional, yes? No. The problem was the only thing Faith and I had in common WAS Drama. Our values were different, and so were are backgrounds, our morals - the most important parts of our character were dramatically different. Faith was Yin and I was Yang, and it balanced....for a while. But after a while, her Yin started working my nerves, and my Yang started pissing her off, and we had disagreements about silly little things - silly little things that alluded to much bigger issues. Secrets not really kept. Reciprocity. A friendship that suddenly appeared to be a lot less valuable than it actually was. We finally had a blow out fight, and I told Faith what she could do with her Yin. But really...we both knew that our friendship was tenuous at best, and the fight was unnecessary. We should've moved on long before that....

theFamilyAffair:: I am so NOT the person to subscribe to the whole "but they're family" adage, but I'll try. We should expect our families to look out for one another. We should expect our morals, values and backgrounds to be similar. We should reasonally expect to be able to get along, and when we don't, we should reasonably expect to be able to resolve our differences without violence, and without creating family rifts. But - if you steal from me and my kids, all bets are off. If you're "on that stuff" and lying to me regularly - I'll holla at you when you work that out. I'm more than willing to give my family more leverage, to do some crazy shyt, but there's always a point where you have to draw the line, and then not cross it. I have a nephew that I grew up with, that I love DEARLY, and would love to see as we speak. However, his crack problem ended his relationship with his mom, and therefore - ended his relationship with his family. We'd welcome him with open arms when he recovers, but until then....you feel me.

theGig:: or what should be more commonly referred to as theDeadEndJob. This is the job that you HATE going to everyday, the one that makes you cringe/sneer/consider violent behavior on the way in to work; and the one that makes you drink/do drugs on the way home. Even if it pays, here again - it's not worth it if it makes you miserable. I should know. Hint, hint. But *ahem* back to the subject at hand, always have an exit strategy, and if you hate it - Just Bounce. And bounce with a plan, don't just bounce to the next DeadEndJob. I have too many friends to name that let their immediacy (need for $) dictate their long-term career goals. Yes, we all need to eat in the short-term, but meanwhile - we all need to also consider the long-term when working on the exit strategy. Don't make the job that you hate your career.

Mr. Wrong:: chile, why do we give the men in our lives more leverage than ANYBODY? If a friend lies to us, we bless them out. If a family member steals, we stop speaking to them. But if our MAN doggs us out, we may curse them out, throw things at them, even put them out of the house...all with the idea in mind that at some point, we will forgive them and move on. Why? Isn't the most important relationship we need to preserve (after the one with G'd) between us and our integrity? Why would we put some guy before that?

Kick that sorry brother completely to the curb. No "let's be friends" afterwards, no entertaining sorry excuses or dealing with post-breakup drama. If you're sure the relationship is over - then let it be over and leave it at that.

Don't get me wrong, I'm the weakest link as far as this is concerned. But I'm vowing to do/be better about this.

a postscript:: Black men think that black women are ridiculously hard on them, and that their standards are too high. You should already know my feelings about this, but let me say it again - it's because we want them to do better. So yes, dump the sorry dude, and maybe he'll learn a lesson and improve. Or maybe not. But it's not worth your love, health, sanity, children's lives, your life, your heart, your soul - to fix a broken spirit. That's G'd's work.

a postscript on family:: it's hard for me to talk subjectively about family, because not only am I the black sheep, but I'm perfectly fine with it. Let's just say we're estranged (my family and me). Maybe I should talk about that one day....

Does everyone have an official jam of the summer, like back in the day? Well, two of mine are from the Heritage Orchestra, and happened to be the background music for this introductory video - "Tell Me Stories" at the top, followed by my favorite song on this album, "Sky Breaks". That, and a lil bonus info about how the orchestra came about:

Now, theChaos is always putting me up on music, stuff she likes, brand new stuff, or just music she finds interesting. So much so, that I can barely keep up. This album came out in the Fall '06, and I just got it and started listening. And yes, I'm running it to death - running the grooves off the cd...lol. The whole album is well executed and wonderful to listen to, with some tracks sounding like a score, and others like pure jazz. But "Sky Breaks" to me is just joy, from the opening to the crescendo. And (the crucial part) - how often do you get to say: "yo, that dude on the xylophone? that kid is nasty with it, ok?"

Wanna buy it? Here it goes...

do you think you're ready?

If all your most secret wishes, your private dreams, your prayers, your wildest hopes, were answered in one fell swoop, would you be ready? Would you be ready to step into those huge dreams? Those secret thoughts?

I know a lot of people spend a lot of time praying for blessings, and hoping God will show them favor. But are we all ready if/when those prayers are answered?

I got one of my most fervent wishes, my most sincere and passionate prayers answered recently. And guess what? I wasn't ready. God gave me exactly everything I asked for, and I wasn't ready.

I've got to accept full responsibility for that. I've been given signs that it was coming, plenty of opportunities to prepare myself, and ample checks & balances (tests, if you will) to allow me to validate that I'm ready. And I passed up each and every one of them.

So, now I'm preparing. Now, I'm getting myself ready. Now, I'm taking advantage of those opportunities, and when the time comes, I'll validate that I'm prepared. This is just a lesson learned for me. For you....well...you know what to do.

And I'm not praying for a do-over. I had my chance, and if it's meant for that chance to come again, it will happen. Either way, I'll be ready.

beautimousness:: How long has it been since you felt really....beautiful? Not kinda cute, or sorta handsome, or special-in-a-way-that-only-your-mama-would-love, but really....beautiful? Externaly beautiful, sun-kissed and glowing...internally beautiful, content, soul at ease...eating right, living healthy.

We should all have a top ten list of things that make us feel beautimous, and then do everything imaginably possible, as often as possible, to get there. Here's mine:

sandInToes:: I took a road trip to Charleston over the weekend, to visit a friend who's been bugging me for over a year to come walk on the beach. I've had plenty of opportunities, but life/school/work/etc. always seemed to get in the way. Or I allowed it to get in the way. But this time, I did some spontaneous shyt, packed an overnight, and got on the road. The drive was pretty, the company was cool...but there's absotively nothing like looking at the ocean. Nothing in the world. Words can barely capture it, but I'll try...human life, with all it's ups & downs, everyday trials and problems seems so incredibly insignificant when looking at something so vast, and yet (im) perfectly formed. It reminds me that God IS. So, I played in the water, treated my favorite Old Navy dress like a bathing suit, picked out shells, ruined my perm, and basked in it all.

myKids:: they're my world, and have been since they graced the world. Nuff said? Nah, so let me just show you....my daughter, theChaos is a beautiful dragon lily. She's truth, and the light, and compassion, and intelligence, and creativity, and...dayum, I could just go on. I'm blessed for knowing her, let alone her emerging from my womb, yanno? And Hammy...Hammy is joy and struggle, and uncompromising joy, and all boy, and sweet, and complicated, and...a pain in my butt, and sticky, and did I mention all boy? Yes, they make me strong. And beautiful.

backFacial:: theChaos gave me a Spa Sydell gift certificate Mother's Day 2006, and my busy a$$ was too busy to use it. After reviewing the spa's menu I picked the most "bang" for my $75 bucks, and signed up for a back facial, which is really a massage with products (or so I thought). What it ends up being is the relaxing music (of course), the aromatherapy, 60 minutes of uninterrupted luxurious indulgence, and....a back that's as soft as a baby's bottom. They even pop your back zits, and manually exfoliate. And you get a massage in the process. The aesthtician had to pour me off the massage table. I drove home doing 55MPH that day - which NEVA happens.

aDJsavedMyLife:: music, lots and lots of beautiful music. Genre rarely matters, but I have to have it, it's my drug. Again, theChaos keeps me in tune with undiscovered artists, new music, things I missed and may revisit (she's an amazing person - how many 18 year olds are obsessed with Donny Hathaway?). Right now I'm obsessed with The Heritage Orchestra, particularly the song "Sky Breaks", which is lush, rich and full, before the vocals even kick in...and when they kick in, they're heavenly. It lifts my spirits whenever I hear it.

k.i.s.s.i.n.g.:: I love kissing. LOVE kissing. Did I mention I love kissing? I could kiss for hooooooours...days. Even years. Given the right person, the right motivation, of course. Don't get me wrong, sex is GREAT. But. Sometimes, it's cool to take it back to back in the day, when you kissed with no expectation of what's going to happen next, and just focused on the moment....stand still...and breathe in the other person's scent. Stare deeply into their eyes. Let your guard down completely. Lean in...and imagine what it'd be like when your lips actually touch...as you brush your lips softly against their lips...and then part ever so slightly.....

Hey! snap out of it...I'm only halfway throught the list....lmao. I even got myself going with that one. But yeah, kissing does make me feel more than just horny...lol.

clothes/shoes:: I'd post a picture of my closet, but it's embarassing. I can't fit anything else in it. And I have shoes that border ridiculous, like the purple patent leather pumps that I insist on wearing to work, even though they trample whorish, with an obvious leaning toward streetwalker wearing fishnets, ok? But regardless, I even love to clothe other people. Like when I picked out a pair of Pucci print mules that perfectly matched both a baby-pink suit she had (no judgement) and a pair of pale yellow slacks (again, no judgement). I love clothes/shoes so much, that I am forcing her to put those shoes into retirement, on the grounds that they are incredibly 2003, and way past their expiration. I shop voraciously, but buy frugally, with much regard for the person's personality, closet and current trends.

myPeeps:: my friends, my homeys, my boys (and the occasional girl...lol). I have friends who have put themselves out for me, put me out for them, give me good advice, give me bad advice, but truly keep me grounded. I have bright, sunshiney friends that compete with sunlight. I have dark, decrepit friends that will put the moon to shame. But mostly, and most importantly - I have friends who are honest to a fault, and whose souls/spirits are so beautiful that I'm thankful for their presence. So when I look at them, they help reflect my beauty back to me...even when I don't see it.

independence:: I feel beautiful taking care of myself. And doing things for myself, and by myself. The drive to Charleston was 5 hours, but I had a ball by my dayum self, finding my own way, and patting myself on the back, thinking "I did the dayum thing, and I did it with no help". I know how to change oil, change tires, mow, seed, aerate and fertilize my lawn, change my air filters, and take out my own trash. Being strong and self sufficient makes me feel beautiful, because i see it adding value to "me" as a person...like, I'm more appealing, because I can handle things myself.

rarePlease:: I love beef. Liver, hamburger, roasted with gravy, ribs with a sticky orange bbq glaze. Yummmm. But I can't even front, I am a sucker for a half-raw steak. Yes, I said it: half-raw. Medium at most, medium rare at least. Barely dusted with any sort of seasoning, and do NOT insult me with that bottle of spicy ketchup that most folks like to call steak sauce. Just steak, pink and juicy. Maybe a dab of real butter, if I'm feeling indulgent. Side items are kind of an aside, although I do have a stuffed mushroom recipe that involves pine nuts and gorgonzola that's the jump off. Finish with a glass of a good fruity red (I like Riunite Lambrusco), and I'm happier than a pig in....u know the rest. Ok, I'm sure that for a lot of folks this whole idea is gross, but my dad fed me rare roast beef puree as an infant, so the rest is history. And for those concerned about my consumption of red meat...

cleansing:: inside and out, physically, mentally, emotionally..and sexually. Detox the brain, the body, the spirit...and the nether regions. A fast, some Senna tea (occasionally), quiet reflection, and a lil abstinence can really go a long way. Yes, I believe in Karma, and the laws of attraction, and that life is a circle, and that lessons will always continue to return to you, until you really figure out why. So getting the bad stuff out of your system can free you from repeating unpleasant lessons. So when there's something in my life that's stressing me, I purge it.