September 2007 Archives

washing my hands of black men

By saga_30311 on September 30, 2007 1:28 AM | 4 Comments | No TrackBacks

That's a strong statement, isn't it? I wrote this about a 8/11/07 ago, with the following opening sentence:

I haven't written about my lovelife in a while, because there hasn't been a reason to. It's been pretty much non-existent.

I sat on this post for a while, as I tried to regain my train of thought on the matter. Why did I write this? And why am I revisiting it.

why I wrote it? My lovelife over the last 8-ish years has been a series of unfortunate events. Lots of first and second dates, followed by heavy-handed attempts at my goodies, which inevitably triggers my frustration and eventual dismissal of the applicant in question. Hm, no surprises there. And I've considered throwing in the towel on dating on many occasions. Matter of fact, I have thrown in the towel on a few of those. But I've never completely thrown in the towel on my brethren. So why now? What triggered my frustration to the point where I want to say F*ck the entire lot of them?

*thinking outloud* Hm, it couldn't have been that relationship I ended, because we're still friends. My cyber boyfriends have been treating me decent. There was that one needy brother that called me rude and ignorant, because I was too busy to answer his phone calls - but that shouldn't have been enough to warrant barring brothers completely.

Most of my exes or potential dates end up being friends. Not true anymore...I just had a friendship go down in huge flames this weekend. And he was as rude, ignorant and controlling as the other guy accused me of being.

But now that I think about it, what's my role in this whole equation? I mean, there are a whole LOT of frogs out there, but the problem's not always them. It could be me. I could be the princess sleeping wrong on the pea, yanno? Let's do a lil self-examination to see what I'm contributing to these unfortunate events.

My problem? Well - there's a list:


  • my high standards - is it unrealistic for my educated (multi-degreed), ambitious, intelligent, beautiful behind to demand my equal?
  • my weight/health - I need to work out, eat better and lose weight. To the tune of 100 lbs.
  • my schedule - what brother's going to fight my unending list of roles for my attention?
  • my insecurities - I fluctuate between complete diva and candidate for "Can't get a date" which seems a little schizo

Let me just say, before you start refuting my short list, that I know my self-worth. I'm a realist, and an MBA after all - so I know that my value proposition has merit. My value prop (and the answer as to why I'm "washing my hands") is after the jump.

Continue reading washing my hands of black men.

the 101 tasks in 1001 days finale

By saga_30311 on September 29, 2007 8:11 PM | No Comments | No TrackBacks

Start date: January 1, 2005.
End date: September 29, 2007.

The Mission: Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria: Tasks must be specific (i.e. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (i.e. represent some amount of work on my part).


  1. lose 10.1 lbs by Feb 1 2005 * updated 2/6/05 and lose 101 lbs by the end of the 1001 days.

  2. drink a gallon of water a day.
    3. * updated 9/29/07 I can/have done this, but this is an ongoing WIP.
  3. get at least 6 hours of sleep a night, every night for 30 days* updated 4/8/05

  4. get my belly pierced
    5. This one just doesn't need to happen. Ever. LOL.
  5. get my GPA above 3.5.
    6. * updated 9/29/07 Yeah, it's there for good ;-)
  6. exercise, 3X/week. for 2 months.
    7. This hasn't happened, although it REALLY needs to. New target = post graduation (Dec '07)
  7. take a vacation, sans resident vagrants
    8. * updated 9/29/07 You did see the posts about Rio, right?
  8. get a passport, and a stamp in it
    9. * updated 9/29/07 See above.
  9. practice punctuality for 30 days* updated 10/11/05

  10. practice celibacy until I get into a serious relationship.* updated 4/8/05

  11. foster & forge relationships with normal women* updated 10/11/05

  12. buy a house
    13. * updated 9/29/07 done Dec '05. And I love my house...lol.
  13. buy a dog. after i buy the house.
    14. Not gonna happen. My house is already like having another mouth to feed...lol.
  14. host a clothes swap* updated 10/11/05

  15. take my new, tagged clothes to the consignment shop* updated 10/11/05

  16. get my own personal closet space down to 1 walk-in closet, incl. shoes
    17. Whew, this isn't going to happen either...lol.
  17. get everyone else's shyt out of my house.
    18. * updated 9/29/07 And can I just say it felt good as SHYT to accomplish this one?
  18. get Hammy into a better after-school program
    19. I opted to try and make the after-school program better. It's a WIP.
  19. workout some kind of visitation schedule with Hammy's sperm donor.* updated 10/11/05

  20. go fishing on a fishing boat
    21. Pass - I think the helicopter ride trumped this though.
  21. end this JC business once and for all.
    22. * updated 9/29/07 Done. More on this in the next post.
  22. send thank you's to: all my godmothers: real, fake & spiritual
    23. I still need to do this.
  23. design AND sew myself one fabulous, to die for outfit
    24. No time. Again, post-graduation.
  24. re-learn to knit & crochet. make one wearable item for someone else
    25. See above.
  25. get porcelain veneers for my front teeth. and some whitening. and caps.
    26. See above.
  26. emote my inner diva with: full makeup, "done" hair, and fake eyelashes.
    27. * updated 9/29/07 Done, and it was Nice...
  27. contribute to my 401K plan * updated 2/6/05

  28. take advantage of the company discounted stock purchase plan * updated 2/6/05

  29. diversify my portfolio
    30. Not done. I'm opting for an exit strategy instead.
  30. create a budget every month - and stick to it
    31. WIP
  31. plan all my purchases, even the so-called 'impulse' buys
    32. I could lie, but this needs work. Badly.
  32. brownbag my lunch for 30 days straight * updated 2/6/05

  33. take a trip to NY
    34. * updated 9/29/07 This has been done a few times. I love & miss NY.
  34. mend the ties that bind my family to the sperm donor's family * updated 2/6/05

  35. reestablish relationships with the:PR Princess, orig. Nerd & G-hetto family
    36. Not done. I'm opting not to do it.
  36. spend < 1 hr daily farting around on the web, outside of work & school related stuff.* updated 10/11/05

  37. register my own friggin domain * updated 2/6/05

  38. quit the safe, stable full-time gig, and do some risky, yet more profitable consulting work
    39. WIP
  39. routinely volunteer 8 hrs/month to various worthy causes
    40. * updated 9/29/07 and this was well worth the lack of sleep, etc. I learned that being socially conscious is very important to me.
  40. get a tribal tattoo. from my tribe. and know exactly what it means.
    41. Pass. Too old for this.
  41. figure out what tribe I'm from, if I even have one.
    42. the human tribe. Next.
  42. have semi-regular (bimonthly) dinner parties, and invite my closest friends
    43. Whew, I blew this one big-time. I've gotten rid of most of the closest friends I was referring to. Don't feel bad though...it was a good thing.
  43. buy some real dinnerware & flatware that I like
    44. * updated 9/29/07 Done.
  44. take a series of colonics & cleanse my colon (I know, TMI)
    45. Still need-to-do.
  45. purge myself of my sugar & chocolate addictions* updated 10/11/05

  46. take up a healthy vice, like social drinking
    47. * updated 9/29/07 and I think it's travel.. Me likee to travel much.
  47. make a hair commitment, either nappy or non-nappy, and stick with it. * updated 2/6/05

  48. get in touch with the brother that I don't know
    49. Pass.
  49. visit the remnants of family I have left
    50. Pass.
  50. fulfill my romantic ballgown, chignon & waltzing in moonlight fantasy.
    51. definitely PASS.
  51. raise my performance eval. score at the current gig by at least 10% w/in 1 year.* updated 10/11/05

  52. familiarize myself with wines & their proper use
    53. WIP.
  53. practice diversity at work
    54. * updated 9/29/07 Done, but I prefer being k-solo. I'd rather remain an enigma.
  54. learn the art of networking from either EJ or E (the masters)
    55. Pass.
  55. obtain a big screen tv (notice I didn't say buy...)
    56. Pass.
  56. wear a 2-piece swimsuit
    57. HA! Definitely pass.
  57. pay off 1 department store charge, and 1 credit card* udpated 4/8/05

  58. get the other cards below 40% of their available credit limit* udpated 4/8/05

  59. go 7 days without any road rage incidents: no tailgating, flashing my brights, cutting people off, or driving > 80MPH. And get rid of the traffic-induced Turrette's syndrome - I'm inadvertently teaching Hammy how to curse
    60. * updated 9/29/07 Music soothes the savage beast.
  60. teach Hammy to ride a bike
    61. WIP
  61. get Hammy out of any form of Pull-up, Goodnight or training pants
    62. * updated 9/29/07 this was a beautimous thing.
  62. practice random acts of kindness routinely
    63. WIP
  63. be more forthrightly honest - I must either keep phonies outta the inner circle, or keep it real.* udpated 4/8/05

  64. purge the evil bytch from my heart. Yes, this is measurable and defined.* udpated 4/8/05

  65. have my apartment repainted.

  66. incorporate monthly trips to bath & body works CVS (I can find decent knock offs) into the budget
    67. * updated 9/29/07
  67. buy a new hard drive
    68. WIP
  68. organize & backup all my music files
    69. WIP
  69. learn to play golf
    70. Pass.
  70. take a voice lesson, and put my inner Jill Scott to rest
    71. Temporarily pass.
  71. nurture houseplants at home, not just at work
    72. Pass - my thumb's too brown.
  72. take a dip in a jacuzzi
    73. * updated 9/29/07
  73. get over my aversion to seafood
    74. WIP
  74. give up pork completely
    75. WIP
  75. minmize other meats to once a day, then 2-3X/week, then occasionally
    76. WIP - I love Beef :-(
  76. normalize my iron & cholesterol levels thru nutrition, no supplements
    77. WIP
  77. get rid of my home phone, retaining my high-speed access & cell.
    78. WIP
  78. gather my home office space
    79. WIP
  79. listen to another genre of music foreign to me, like bluegrass, world music, country, etc.
    80. Pass - I still love hip-hop, neo-soul, reggae and R & B way too much to cheat on ...them (lol).
  80. expand my music library to really embrace hip-hop, r&b, and house.
    81. * updated 9/29/07 Thanks to Sirius, OkayPlayer, AllHipHop, SOHH, etc, etc....
  81. learn to merengue, and take my final in a lowcut salsa dress
    82. WIP, although I did a mean samba in south america.
  82. use the Twinz to solicit free drinks at Hairston's or the Tanqueray
    83. Pass - I'm over this.
  83. learn Spanish via instructional audio tapes
    84. WIP
  84. attend just 1 nat'l Blk-focused vacation event:Black Ski Summit, Essence Festival, etc.
    85. * updated 9/29/07 Does a Michael Baisden event count? Ok, how about the PhD Project conference? hm.....I'm counting it!
  85. take a continuing ed. photography class, blow up the best result & hang it in my house
    86. WIP
  86. regain my dancer's grace - take ballet lessons, again
    87. WIP
  87. find one relatively challenging but low impact home improvement project, and finish it, sans testosterone
    88. * updated 9/29/07 Now that I have a house, I've had a few, but painting was my favorite.
  88. institute self stress-relieving techniques for 30 days
    89. WIP
  89. take piano lessons
    90. WIP
  90. learn to play the guitar
    91. Pass.
  91. clip coupons & shop sales for everyday items & groceries for 3 months
    92. WIP
  92. learn to play spades confidently
    93. WIP
  93. sip mint juleps or mojitos on my porch
    94. * updated 9/29/07 But I opted for caiprnhas instead.
  94. make love on a beach at the edge of an ocean
    95. Pass.
  95. get a second job or sideline hustle
    96. WIP
  96. take a gambling trip
    97. Pass - this is so ova.
  97. figure out a way to get my domain/blog to make money* updated 10/11/05

  98. participate in the political campaign for a candidate I truly believe in
    99. Pass - I don't believe in any.
  99. attend a ball
    100. Pass.
  100. go horseback riding
    101. Have I done this? Let's make it a WIP - I'd like to do it again.
  101. learn to water ski
    102. WIP :-( I really wanted to do this one.

43% !!!!!!!!!!!! I'm really proud that I accomplished as many tasks as I did, since I thought when I made this list that a lot of the tasks were ambitious, and some were unreachable. The cool part IMHO, is that tasks that I thought were impossible (the passport and travel) were actually very much possible.

Funny, how writing something down and committing to it can make a task so much more achievable. Time to start a new list..but this one's for my use only ;-)

It's Over...?

By saga_30311 on September 26, 2007 11:19 AM | 2 Comments | No TrackBacks

I've fallen out of love with blogging.

I'm sorry for the extended absence, post-trip. I'm playing catch up on my real life here at home. Work, school, you know the drill. Graduation is right around the corner - December 15th, and my classes are the most challenging I've had in my academic career. My brain is getting more than its share of exercise.

Which brings me to my short and sweet point. it's time to make a decision: to blog, or not to blog - that is the question. Lately, I've felt like this whole site is an exercise in mental masturbation, with an audience (albeit, limited) to view it. I'm running out of things to talk about, namely because I'm focused like-a-laser-site at all things MBA. While that makes for stirring academic discussions, it's not post worthy.

And honestly - my colleagues are getting so much better at focusing on other things. Of course, EJFlavor's music is outta control, as is ToddKelley's and HoneySoul's. Fave's holding it down on the relationship front. HumanityCritic and LynneDJohnson hold down music and culture reviews. And Crunktastical is holding down celebrity gossip and culture. I could go on, but you get the idea.

And here I am, with a thousand things that I need to do (find a new gig, start a new biz, finish the two books I've started, raise my son, etc.) and what am I doing? Still trying to find my voice and carve out my own space with this blog.

Hmph. I'm unimpressed with my own performance, honestly. Not on some grass is greener (I love other blogger's, so it's not really envy), but because I cannot dedicate the time and effort I need to: a) maintain the site (my design is 2 years overdue), b) post as often as I'd like and c) provide you with the content I'd like to share.

So - on September 29th I'll update my 101 in 1001 - yanno, that list of tasks I took on 1001 days ago? I'll let you know how much I completed. And then - an indefinite hiatus. Maybe permanent. We'll see.

my Ray of Sunshine

By saga_30311 on September 24, 2007 11:56 AM | No Comments | No TrackBacks

ray_o_sunshine.jpgMy calendar has not been empty since I got back from Brazil, so I'm ecstatic.
*beaming*
It doesn't take much to make me happy, can you tell?

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