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February 26, 2008
a gift, from me to you
Note: this is NSFW
Reh Dogg - "True Love Never Dies"
...you can thank me later.
Posted by saga_30311 at 09:01 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
February 25, 2008
my people {we got to do better}
shouts to jam Donaldson at HGM for the {we got to do better} line....
ok, here it is in a nutshell: yes, we are (still) a Hot Ghetto Mess. But what are we gonna do about it?
campaign2008 & our reasons for our choices:: I've got real issues with people's anti-intellectual reasons for picking their candidate. And I'm putting myself on blast. Prior to me doing my election "homework", I was entertaining Clinton. I originally thought, given our current state of race relations, that Americans would turn out in droves to vote against Obama, hence not wanting to throw away my vote. Silly me. I've since read their platforms, watched the primaries (starting with NH and IA), watched the debates, and decided based on the issues, to support Obama.
Now, it's a long minute later - and I still hear my people saying ig'nant things like: "I don't want to vote for Obama 'cause they'll shoot him in office, and I don't want him to get killed", "I think he's related to Sadam Hussein", "I'm voting for Obama 'cause he's black", "I'm voting for Hilary because she's a woman", or "I'm voting for ______ because __________ endorsed them (insert pundit/so-called-leader's name there)". Ok, seriously - it's time for us to get off our collective a$$es, do some homework, and make our own decisions, for real. It's 2008 - we're well into the information age - the platforms, senatorial voting records and their stances are readily available. We need to stop being quite so sheep-like, so that all parties (Repub, Dem, Libertarian, Green, etc - and the pundits who love them), and the non-parties (random pundits who won't commit to a "party"), all take our votes more seriously.
aside:: I'm really tired of candidates being able to pander to the "urban voter" in general by either appealing to, or by manipulating, their emotions.
punditry beef:: Baisden v. Frank Ski? Tavis Smiley vs. Obama? We barely got pundits and access to airwaves, and they're already going at each other, or our "leaders", not over issues or opinions, but because they got "snubbed" or "shouted someone out" or forgot to "shout someone out". Are you friggin kidding me?
ClayCo Board of Ed & Kwame Kilpatrick:: or when keeping it black goes wrong. If you haven't heard about Clayton County's Board of Education, the quick & dirty is that the entire school system is facing a potential loss of accreditation, due to corruption ethics violations, ineptitude, and policy violations. You can click here for more information. This means students and teachers, as well as administrators records would be "wiped clean". Students wouldn't be eligible for scholarships, and their acceptance into colleges would be in jeopardy. Staff would lose their certifications and employment history, of the timeframe of the board's tenure.
and Kwame?:: Well - the "hip-hop" mayor, amongst other things, is accused of: "allegations of marital infidelity involving his chief of staff, lawsuits, and an investigation of perjury. Kilpatrick could could be disbarred, sentenced up to 15 years in prison, and forced to resign as mayor. The controversies have prompted an ethics probe investigation, and a recall election campaign to have Kilpatrick removed from office." Excerpts of his text exchanges with his chief of staff are all over the 'Net, and his wife's leased Navigator is appearing as the Red Flag & last straw for his frustrated constituency. Read more here.
the talented tenth:: It's not enough, in 2008, that we should want black representation in all areas of life: media, politics, government - both local and national, industry, etc. We should want our leaders, the "talented tenth" of which DuBois so elegantly wrote, to be not only influential leaders throughout the world, but also beyond reproach. Or at least approaching moral excellence.
it's not enough that our leaders should be black. They should be qualified to lead, and possessing character traits that can inspire us as a people: honesty, integrity, fortitude
Too often, we're so desperate to see ourselves duly and dutifully represented, that we let shyt slide.
they do it, so why...?:: should we be held to a higher standard, you ask? Because the playing field has never been level, and will not be getting flat any time soon. Because the bar is higher for us. Because there is a black tax, and because we are all well aware of it. Because we are well aware that when we "do what they do", the scrutiny is much more intense. Because our two steps back takes not only us (as individuals) back, but also us (as a people). Because there is backlash. And because we deserve, like any other race, to prove our merit. To show we can be qualified, and can do a good job, and be considered based on merit. Not just because we're black. And because the exceptions (like the ClayCo commission or Kwame) shouldn't be the measure of those that are performing to or outperforming expectations. We're not shooting for mediocrity here - the goal isn't the best of the average. We should want to excel. All of us. We should want to do better.
back to campaign2008:: which is what I find so fascinating about the Obamas. So far, they are those people. "Grace under fire", "eloquence", "elegant', "of outstanding character", "grace under pressure" have become so clichéd, that they're more likely to appear in the title of a sitcom, than a description of a political candidate. But the Obamas are that. As i watch Michelle withstand attacks about her patriotism, which I'm sure is very personal to her, and Barack address charges of plagiarism, rumors about his religious beliefs, shallowness and the transparency of his platform - these phrases are the ones that come to mind.
Yeah, I'm gushing a lil, but not trying to sway your vote. Look at them as black people, as African-Americans, as leaders, as icons. That, my friend - is what I find inspiring. Columbia U., Princeton U. and Harvard Law. Community activists. {apparently} Happily married and raising their children, together. And supporting their people the best way they know how, by setting an example.
You can find your own examples, but please - find them. My people... {we got to do better}
Posted by saga_30311 at 05:14 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 23, 2008
state of the {black} union
or what i'd like to term as why we can't just get along?
pre-post disclaimer: this has nothing whatsoever to do with "The Covenant with Black America" or the Tavis Smiley's impending State of the Black Union conference.
This does have a whole lot to do with the black union - marriage that is. Marriage, our communities and one of the things that I think is fatally flawed and working to our collective detriment.
We just don't seem to get along anymore. At all.
I spend a lot of time surfing. A LOT of time. I troll on a lot of "african-american" portals, skimming what's foremost in our minds and what hot topics are burning in our online communities. I also skim website outside our community, to see what we're presenting to the world. So what's hot in the streets you ask?:
Black women are the biggest hoes on earth times 3000000Where are the NORMAL brotha's at???
ARE BLACK WOMEN THE MOST SHALLOW WOMEN OF ALL THE RACES?
why are you strong black women chasing strong black men to other races?
DO MEN REALLY WANT A WOMAN WHO HAS HIS BACK???
how do i get me a good white woman, like you other black brothers out there
Black men who went Barbie white now back to Quashanda or Barbie Black
*dryheaves* ok, sorry - but most of these 'forums' have that effect on me. I promise I didn't cherry pick those titles/topics.
More under the cut...
To say that this saddens me is a gross understatement. When I consider the "state of the black union" it's these titles that come foremost to my mind. What union? The more I read those titles, the more it seems like at least a compound fracture (mending is a challenge), and at most - a full blow secession.
We're divided as a community on many, many topics and in many, many areas (politics, social justice, unemployment, economic stability, class, education) - but this one area IMHO is fundamental to making progress.
The family:: as a unit - IMHO - is the building block upon which our community is founded. No family unit = community in disarray. Think about our history as a people - the family was the pillar of our financial strength. Pooled money = solution to a lack of financial instruments (credit) that we were denied as a people. Pooled resources = broadened access to resources that were unavailable to us. The support that this unit brings helped us overcome adversity, focused our efforts and strengthened our self-regard. Our families, immediate AND extended, where were we talked shop, ironed out our differences, determined our politics, goals, vision and where we turned when external forces either oppressed us, or failed us.
And now?:: we appear to truly hate us. Only a strong self-hatred embedded in a whole lot of us would fuel so MANY discussions about how sorry we as a people are. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of self-analysis and self-criticism, when done constructively. Calling black women "hoes", "shallow" and stating they're "forcing you to turn to white women" isn't constructive, obviously. Calling black men "trifling", "sorry" and "abnormal" isn't constructive either.
We pass around emails about the Willie Lynch letter, the purported speech that initiated our self-hate, based on color, caste and the emasculation/subjugation of black men. The truth of the letter (whether it's fact/fiction) remains a mystery. However, the letter, real or fake, is of little import, given what we continue to spread at this point. It's a disease. The cause is beyond significance now - now we need a treatment plan.
a non-Black perspective:: I asked a friend/colleague, who is from another country, what they thought about the topics above. His response had two main points: a) the person who'd start such a discussion probably has mental health issues, and b) the internet creates a lot of false courage and anonymous posturing. Both true and valid points, but what about the offline discussions that mirror these ideas? And the people who carry these ideas unspoken within? Same sickness, no cure? He mentioned that many countries have the same issues, but the solutions are different - but that in a "developed", "civil" country, he'd expect more.
My thoughts:: are that for all the discussion about progress, and demanding equality, we've got major healing to do in our own house. This may not be the sole starting point. In looking externally for justice, equality, rights, etc - are we overlooking the mess that's accumulating in our own backyards?
I've said this before, and I'll say it again - yes, Divorce rates climbed thru the 1970's - then they plateaued, and have remained pretty flat since. But the marriage rate in the african-american community is declining. You can find the stats from the Census bureau, or Google black marriage statistics, and find a whole slew of "chicken first of egg first?" discussions about why we're not getting married. Poverty? Unemployment? Crime & Jail Terms? Is it these reasons that cause the decline in marriage, or does not being married cause these? *shrugs* Both and either. I know I'm a lot less inclined to rob a bank and risk my good gub'ment job because I have a family.
The problem with our unions (at this point) isn't that we're getting divorced. The problem is that we're not even attempting to get married...not attempting to create that unit. Some of "us" are opting to not even associate with "us". We're throwing up our hands, throwing in the towel, not wanting to be bothered. There is a part of me that thinks: "g'on then - that's another brotha/sista that we don't need around muddying up the collective". But that's just me not "getting along" either.
The state of our union, my friends, isn't a problem that we can keep ignoring.
Posted by saga_30311 at 07:50 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 22, 2008
tilt
I got a Tilt from AT&T a lil while ago. I love this lil phone.
First, let me say that while I'm a geek, I'm not a phone freak. Typically, I avoid the bleeding edge of tech, because it's expensive AND buggy (full of software bugs that are worked out later). My old phone, a Sony Ericsson W600i, served me well, but died a painful death from blunt force trauma (I dropped it one time too many).
But this fancy-shmancy phone is doing me right nice these days. My favorite features:
GPS with Live Search combo - lets me find & save my fave people & places to my contact list and get directions on the fly. Ok, so I'm late to the game - but I LOVE this feature.
Video with picture clarity - I get to watch American Idol and YouTube stupidity even when I'm stuck in the dentist's chair for 12+ hours.
Touchscreen - yah, it's iPhone-like navigation, without the iPhone-like price...for me that is, with the company discounts. The iPhone was not subject to company discounts - bastages!
Music & memory no iTunes, but Windows Media Player (booo....). However it serves its purpose, and I can add up to 32GB of memory (pricey, but avail). So I can store all the obscure neo-soul and R&B that my little heart can manage, and listen to it on my bluetooth headset. I'm no longer tethered to my (bastages!) PC at work that disallows MP3 players and won't allow me to update Windows Media. Yes! (still gotta work around some licensing issues....lol ;)
Yeah, it's also a PDA, with Window Mobile (Outlook, Word, Excel, Powerpoint, etc.). It's also a Wi-Fi for my laptopwith broadband capabilities, travel ready (for international use), and it's got a so-so camera. And IM (Y!, MSN and AOL). Push_To-Talk. And a QWERTY keyboard, both on/off the touchscreen. And it's got cool graphics for cool games, blah, blah blah.....
All in all, it's just neat. Take that monolithic and pricey iStuff! I don't need you and your expensive phone :P
....except iTunes. Me needs that....lol.
Posted by saga_30311 at 10:41 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 21, 2008
an unhappy partnership
I've been thinking about partnerships lately. About marriage, about work, about this country, our government and our responsibilities as individual American citizens. About how most relationships, business relationship or personal relationships, are all built on the foundations of a partnership.
By definition:1: the state of being a partner : participation2 a: a legal relation existing between two or more persons contractually associated as joint principals in a business b: the persons joined together in a partnership3: a relationship resembling a legal partnership and usually involving close cooperation between parties having specified and joint rights and responsibilities
Nicely done. Given that, we get who's involved, and some idea that a) there should be some agreement (contract) between the partners and b) the roles of each partner should be defined as well as c) there should be some cooperation between said partners as well. Think that's all well and good, and the average person could agree on that and extend all that to most relationships...here's where I think it gets tricky....
Joint rights. Joint responsibilities. Ugh - that means all partners must do something and be accountable for something, and are entitled to somethings, eh? Yah, methinks that's where the proverbial rubber hits the road.
In marriage:: I think generally people tend to forget about that last piece. A lot. I was talking with a friend about their recent divorce, and their "never again" attitude, and while I could understand it, I'm definitely a "never-say-never" kind of person. I have a few, er - friends (ex-dates, but let's not make this about me....lol) that have stated that whole "never-again" position. Typically, it's due to financial reasons. Understandable. Sometimes, it's due to a lack of a compelling reason. Hm.
As always, I have an ancedote: an extended late-night visit to the dentist (from 5:30PM to 5:00 AM. don't ask). But around 9PM-ish, the dentist's wife came in, put on some latex gloves, and played assistant, prepping rooms, checking to see if patients were comfortable, processing payments, making appointments and taking phone calls.
When I temporarily got the dentist outta my mouth, I had to tell her that I admired their partnership, how they worked together, the support, etc. She laughed, and we discussed it. She said "It wasn't always like this.....it's a second marriage for both of us....we're older now....our kids are grown....our reasons for getting married this time are definitely different than the first time, and our reasons for staying married are even slightly different than they were for getting married...." ....which I think is as it should be.
Marriage (and personal relationships between lovers) are at their core, a partnership. An agreement, with a contract - that can be modified as well as broken. But the terms of that partnership are completely up to the parties involved. It's their responsibility to define those terms, to define that contract and add/subtract whatever clauses are necessary.
In any partnership, even if one partner is ecstatic, and the other partner is miserable, the partnership alone isn't necessarily the compelling reason to remain. The MBA in me says as long as there's a valid ROI that's within expectations, the partnership's viable.The desire to retain the partnership, due to the other things derived from it (companionship, support, well-founded faith, financial reasons, lust, passion, spiritual reasons, agape love, or even desperation) as long as both partners are willing and agree, should be the reason to "stay in" and "work it out", whether it's a marriage, work relationship, or something else...
More under the cut....
Ah, work:: You may want to think this scenario is different, that your job/company/boss is huge, and you're just some little guy taking orders, but the same logic applies. My boss likes to say that to "do the right thing" we should be "good partners" with our company. We've allegedly got the same mission, goals, corporate values, etc. Sounds sorta like a partnership, yes? We have parties to it, there are agreements and contracts, and each has rights & responsibilities. Ha, I know you're wondering...? Yes, I have an anecdote ;)
A coworker got recruited to assist with an important presentation, at the 25th hour (not long before flights were departing, and long after hotels had been fully booked). Although his wife and 2 small (<5 yrs old) children weren't ecstatic, he's a "good partner" so he did what he had to do. Lots of last-minute rescheduling/cancellations and a few travel mishaps later, and he was at a pretty large conference of upper-level managers, including a whole slew of C-levels (that's MBAspeak for the CEO, CIO, CFO and the Board of Directors, amongst others).
Now, he's a geek, like I'm a geek - we both work on projects (software) that come from the business development folks. The presentation was a business development presentation. He was serving as tech support - ensuring that the C-levels got their presentation sans technical glitches. And, yes - technical glitches are somewhat unavoidable. So, he's really just mitigating risks (minimizing/avoiding). At hour 27 however, late the night before, with the C-levels sleeping peacefully, a major glitch occurred. He had to make a decision to minimize the risk, which he did. And went to sleep very late, and very fitfully that night.
The next day 5 minutes before the presentation, as the C-levels are sipping coffee in anteroom, he gets a call from his manager. His hiring/promotion/firing manager::
manager:: I heard we had a problem last night.
him:: We did, but I decided to do Action X. That should address the issue.
manager:: Why didn't you decide to do Action Y?
him:: Action Y was riskier and had less chance of a positive response than Action X. I didn't want to risk it.
manager:: Are you sure? Action Y is still possible....?
him, thinking risky Action Y will take at least 30 minutes (and more C-level delaying) and safe Action X is already available:: I considered the alternatives, and I'm sure.
manager:: Ok. It's your job on the line. *click*
him:: hunh?
business development dude next to him We're going to need you to talk through the intro to the presentation, and you've got about 3 minutes.
him:: *gulp*
Can you imagine?
I gotta give it to him for pulling it off, and not walking out. But it just demonstrates that work relationships are a partnership. It was/is his choice to stay and work at it. Even when the terms change. I'm glad it worked out for him, but it made me reexamine whether this partner is the right partner for me. And what I'd be willing to do to continue making it work.
The good 'ole USofA:: Our government is a partner, whether we believe it or not, are willing or not. We have tacit and implicit agreements with it, some which we condone, some that we do not. Many parties are involved, willing and unwilling. We both have (semi) defined roles, and (semi) defined responsibilities. And we have contracts.
The nice thing about it, however - is that those contracts with the government are formally renegotiated and renewed periodically. Every 2-4 years.
Yeah, there's a campaign going, and I'll comment on that later. For now, I believe that even the most resistant, most apathetic, most disenfranchised Americans need to examine this race, and the direction our country has been headed in, and determine where they'd like our leaders to take us. As a partner, is our government working for you, and is it taking you where you'd like to go? Are you happy with the current partners? The current contracts?
A quick story:: a good friend of mine refuses to vote. Refuses to "participate in a System of corruption between the oppressive and corrupt government and multi-national corporations that continues to propogate racist and classist behaviors" etc. I understand this. However, if you're really going to "not participate", you have to make a universal stand. Don't be a consumer. Don't pay taxes. Don't work, directly or indirectly, for any multi-national corporations. Don't drive. Don't buy gas. Don't be entertained. If you're going to secede, you have to secede from everything...otherwise you're still a participant, and the only thing you're abdicating is your right to potentially change things..
Don't get me wrong - I agree. The system has major issues. But we (as a partner) have rights and responsibilities. The right to voice our dissatisfaction in one way or another. Griping is one (ineffectual, but valid). Voting is another. Not voting gives a freebie on the plus side to everything that you stand against.
Partnerships. We all choose how we participate in them. We choose our role, we help define our responsibilities and the contracts, and we decide whether they will continue. Or not.
If you're in an unhappy partnership, isn't it time to leave? Or can you do what it take to work things out?
Posted by saga_30311 at 08:23 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 16, 2008
feedback
So here's my demonstration
A peep show
Tonight my body's an exhibition baby
Though it's on display don't be scared to
Touch It - It said so
So come and get it babe
Strum me like a guitar blow out my amplifier
When you hear some feedback keep going take it higher
Crank it up give it to me come on
Crank it up give it to me come on
I'm gonna feedback feedback oh
Feedback Feedback oh...
...I just love janet jackson. Ever since she was lil 'Penny and folks said we look alike - but that was a long time ago.
back on-topic: I had to turn up the spam filters for both trackbacks and comments. Sorry, but I ended up deleting 3000+ spam messages that had accumulated since I last posted. And I've still got another 60K+ junk messages just mucking up the place *kicks spam-dust-bunny*.
Bottom line is - I do trust *you*...just not that spam-bot that's looking over your shoulder as we speak. So, if for any reason your comments doesn't post like you think they should, and more than a few days have passed. OR, you just want to holla at lil ole me for any reason, you can email me by clicking this link, or use the links at the right. Email me, IM me, find me on technorati, blogrolling (lawd - I'mma need to handle my deli.ci.ous tags) - I don't care how you get here, just touch me in the mooorrr-ning.
LOL - enough with the lame karaoke R&B references. Holla!
Posted by saga_30311 at 11:04 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 15, 2008
keys to the city
I'm back.
It's a very weird feeling too. Part of me wants to write furiously - since there's a lot going on in the world. Part of me is still constipated - words are clogged inside me. Part of me wants to find a direction, and part of me wants to wander until my voice is defined. The critical part of me still thinks the writing is sub-par. And part of me thinks that I have more inside me than a blog post...and that this time could be better spent.
And part of me knows that somewhere in my core, in my DNA, nerves, skin, sinew, bones, blood and with every breath I take, a writer will always live within. It's my curse, responsibility, desire and lifeblood to write. My gift. My breath. I can't squander it.
It's the "keys to the city". I feel like I've got it all in my hands, at my disposal. And it's just waiting for me to unlock.....
aside: the fact that this song is seriously running through my head is accentuating this: "New York City" by Young Buck.
*jingling keys* the first step: what I intend to do with this space. Under the jump.
I'm not going to post a 'what have I been up to in my absence' post - it would take too long, and isn't all that interesting. The short answer is graduating, resting, regrouping, etc. The long answer is - trying to figure out whether I wanted to carry on with this site/not.
The long answer also involves a little drama. Said drama is part of the reason I'm back. I had what I guess most folks would describe as some stress-induced mental health problems. The proverbial "nervous breakdown" so to speak. Not to dramatize, but it did briefly involve medication, doctors who study Freud and suggest laying on couches and a lot of self evaluation. The bottom line was that with everything that was on my plate (parenting, work, school, friends' drama et. al.) I wasn't taking care of my mental, emotional and physical health, thus causing me to "lose it". I sought help. I'm much better now.
One of the primary solutions to my lil drama is to take care of me. Do what makes me happy. Surround myself with people that have my best interests at heart. Engage in activities that bring me joy, that nurture me, that validate the things that I do, who I am, and who I want to be. Which brings me right back here.
Full circle? Sort of. This space has been my breathing space, to ramble on whatever tickled my fancy. However, right before my hiatus, it got to be a real chore. I didn't feel like sharing all the things I was dealing with, but I felt I had to because "telling the truth" was more important to me than keeping some things for myself. Now, I don't want to sacrifice my integrity, or my emotional state, just to serve up a daily blog post. I'm also more than a little bored with some topics that I used to write about (my lack of lovelife in particular). So, what to do?
I'm not picking up where I left off. I may share a few personal anecdotes to make a point, but the gory details of my life are no longer up for grabs. There's enough going on in the world/country/community to take the focus off of me.
I'm a black woman. An MBA. A mother. An American. A (proposed) world-traveler. A sex kitten. A grown-up. A proud member of the original Hip-hop generation. A Gen-Xer. A geek. And a writer. And I've still got shyt to say.
Posted by saga_30311 at 09:13 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack