I'm back.
It's a very weird feeling too. Part of me wants to write furiously - since there's a lot going on in the world. Part of me is still constipated - words are clogged inside me. Part of me wants to find a direction, and part of me wants to wander until my voice is defined. The critical part of me still thinks the writing is sub-par. And part of me thinks that I have more inside me than a blog post...and that this time could be better spent.
And part of me knows that somewhere in my core, in my DNA, nerves, skin, sinew, bones, blood and with every breath I take, a writer will always live within. It's my curse, responsibility, desire and lifeblood to write. My gift. My breath. I can't squander it.
It's the "keys to the city". I feel like I've got it all in my hands, at my disposal. And it's just waiting for me to unlock.....
aside: the fact that this song is seriously running through my head is accentuating this: "New York City" by Young Buck.
*jingling keys* the first step: what I intend to do with this space. Under the jump.
I'm not going to post a 'what have I been up to in my absence' post - it would take too long, and isn't all that interesting. The short answer is graduating, resting, regrouping, etc. The long answer is - trying to figure out whether I wanted to carry on with this site/not.
The long answer also involves a little drama. Said drama is part of the reason I'm back. I had what I guess most folks would describe as some stress-induced mental health problems. The proverbial "nervous breakdown" so to speak. Not to dramatize, but it did briefly involve medication, doctors who study Freud and suggest laying on couches and a lot of self evaluation. The bottom line was that with everything that was on my plate (parenting, work, school, friends' drama et. al.) I wasn't taking care of my mental, emotional and physical health, thus causing me to "lose it". I sought help. I'm much better now.
One of the primary solutions to my lil drama is to take care of me. Do what makes me happy. Surround myself with people that have my best interests at heart. Engage in activities that bring me joy, that nurture me, that validate the things that I do, who I am, and who I want to be. Which brings me right back here.
Full circle? Sort of. This space has been my breathing space, to ramble on whatever tickled my fancy. However, right before my hiatus, it got to be a real chore. I didn't feel like sharing all the things I was dealing with, but I felt I had to because "telling the truth" was more important to me than keeping some things for myself. Now, I don't want to sacrifice my integrity, or my emotional state, just to serve up a daily blog post. I'm also more than a little bored with some topics that I used to write about (my lack of lovelife in particular). So, what to do?
I'm not picking up where I left off. I may share a few personal anecdotes to make a point, but the gory details of my life are no longer up for grabs. There's enough going on in the world/country/community to take the focus off of me.
I'm a black woman. An MBA. A mother. An American. A (proposed) world-traveler. A sex kitten. A grown-up. A proud member of the original Hip-hop generation. A Gen-Xer. A geek. And a writer. And I've still got shyt to say.
glad you're back!
good to read you again, chica!
Yipee.. u r back, i soo missed you Saga, i hope u r good, and so is Hemy(sp)...
Welcome back. We sure did miss you and your blog.
I kept your site on the blogroll just in case... and just decided to come by today. Glad you're back!
oh yeahhhhh, u are back. I have missed your blog, I checked back to see if u had the light on from time to time. I was thrilled to see in my inbox a message of your return. I luv your writing and wish I had the talent to put simple thoughts into eloquent sentences like you true wordsmiths do...Sorry about the hardships and pain and glad u made it through stronger and clearer..