or what i'd like to term as why we can't just get along?
pre-post disclaimer: this has nothing whatsoever to do with "The Covenant with Black America" or the Tavis Smiley's impending State of the Black Union conference.
This does have a whole lot to do with the black union - marriage that is. Marriage, our communities and one of the things that I think is fatally flawed and working to our collective detriment.
We just don't seem to get along anymore. At all.
I spend a lot of time surfing. A LOT of time. I troll on a lot of "african-american" portals, skimming what's foremost in our minds and what hot topics are burning in our online communities. I also skim website outside our community, to see what we're presenting to the world. So what's hot in the streets you ask?:
Black women are the biggest hoes on earth times 3000000Where are the NORMAL brotha's at???
ARE BLACK WOMEN THE MOST SHALLOW WOMEN OF ALL THE RACES?
why are you strong black women chasing strong black men to other races?
DO MEN REALLY WANT A WOMAN WHO HAS HIS BACK???
how do i get me a good white woman, like you other black brothers out there
Black men who went Barbie white now back to Quashanda or Barbie Black
*dryheaves* ok, sorry - but most of these 'forums' have that effect on me. I promise I didn't cherry pick those titles/topics.
More under the cut...
To say that this saddens me is a gross understatement. When I consider the "state of the black union" it's these titles that come foremost to my mind. What union? The more I read those titles, the more it seems like at least a compound fracture (mending is a challenge), and at most - a full blow secession.
We're divided as a community on many, many topics and in many, many areas (politics, social justice, unemployment, economic stability, class, education) - but this one area IMHO is fundamental to making progress.
The family:: as a unit - IMHO - is the building block upon which our community is founded. No family unit = community in disarray. Think about our history as a people - the family was the pillar of our financial strength. Pooled money = solution to a lack of financial instruments (credit) that we were denied as a people. Pooled resources = broadened access to resources that were unavailable to us. The support that this unit brings helped us overcome adversity, focused our efforts and strengthened our self-regard. Our families, immediate AND extended, where were we talked shop, ironed out our differences, determined our politics, goals, vision and where we turned when external forces either oppressed us, or failed us.
And now?:: we appear to truly hate us. Only a strong self-hatred embedded in a whole lot of us would fuel so MANY discussions about how sorry we as a people are. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of self-analysis and self-criticism, when done constructively. Calling black women "hoes", "shallow" and stating they're "forcing you to turn to white women" isn't constructive, obviously. Calling black men "trifling", "sorry" and "abnormal" isn't constructive either.
We pass around emails about the Willie Lynch letter, the purported speech that initiated our self-hate, based on color, caste and the emasculation/subjugation of black men. The truth of the letter (whether it's fact/fiction) remains a mystery. However, the letter, real or fake, is of little import, given what we continue to spread at this point. It's a disease. The cause is beyond significance now - now we need a treatment plan.
a non-Black perspective:: I asked a friend/colleague, who is from another country, what they thought about the topics above. His response had two main points: a) the person who'd start such a discussion probably has mental health issues, and b) the internet creates a lot of false courage and anonymous posturing. Both true and valid points, but what about the offline discussions that mirror these ideas? And the people who carry these ideas unspoken within? Same sickness, no cure? He mentioned that many countries have the same issues, but the solutions are different - but that in a "developed", "civil" country, he'd expect more.
My thoughts:: are that for all the discussion about progress, and demanding equality, we've got major healing to do in our own house. This may not be the sole starting point. In looking externally for justice, equality, rights, etc - are we overlooking the mess that's accumulating in our own backyards?
I've said this before, and I'll say it again - yes, Divorce rates climbed thru the 1970's - then they plateaued, and have remained pretty flat since. But the marriage rate in the african-american community is declining. You can find the stats from the Census bureau, or Google black marriage statistics, and find a whole slew of "chicken first of egg first?" discussions about why we're not getting married. Poverty? Unemployment? Crime & Jail Terms? Is it these reasons that cause the decline in marriage, or does not being married cause these? *shrugs* Both and either. I know I'm a lot less inclined to rob a bank and risk my good gub'ment job because I have a family.
The problem with our unions (at this point) isn't that we're getting divorced. The problem is that we're not even attempting to get married...not attempting to create that unit. Some of "us" are opting to not even associate with "us". We're throwing up our hands, throwing in the towel, not wanting to be bothered. There is a part of me that thinks: "g'on then - that's another brotha/sista that we don't need around muddying up the collective". But that's just me not "getting along" either.
The state of our union, my friends, isn't a problem that we can keep ignoring.
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