dating psa# 11 - Frostbite....

Yep, this is the companion piece to dating PSA #9 - Be Cool. Go back and read it if you haven't.

Ok, y'all know I'm an MBA, right?

What you don't know is that my MBA is from a really good Business school (as part-time public B-schools go). Which means that there are some personal traits/characteristics that have to be present (and are heightened while pursuing the MBA) in that student in order to even make it into the B-school, let alone be successful.

And you're wondering what those are...?

Excellent analytical abilities, creativity and IMHO the ability and ambition to look at things from a high-level perspective - to see outside your own immediacy and take an objective view - which is in essence the ability to distance yourself from people/things...amongst other qualities....

...which makes me the ultimate in aloof and critical when it comes to relationships, n'est pas?

Yep. Cold.

So, I was comparing notes with a bachelor friend of mine who is, er, struggling with commitment (that's probably putting it mildly). He's not afraid of commitment per se, but more wondering (like me) - er - why commitment, given so many dating options? And the thing we have in common is that we're aloof. Cool, even. And maybe actually Cold - as in Arctic Tundra. Brrrrr......
I'm not gonna go over why commitment is good again - I talked about the benefits of marriage a while ago. Let's talk about being TOO cool....

being the dumper:: it's hard, because I meet a lot of perfectly nice, chivalrous guys who are a decent catch for some women, but just not right for me. Now, we still live in Atlanta, and I'm still 40+, so getting dumped by a black woman, when there are eons of black women just waiting to be chosen (let the men in Atlanta tell it) doesn't sit well with the average guy. At all. I hate to hurt a guy's feelings and I try not to intentionally pick them apart, but it does make things uncomfortable. Specially when they have gold teeth...but that's a whole other episode...

So, yeah - when ur dating a guy and suddenly he stops calling or stops acting interested and nothing "happened" - chances are, he probably just "wasn't that into you".

being the dumpee:: I truly struggle with getting into anyone, so usually this one is 'easy' - more like "Next!" But that, my friends, is a problem. Because it feels like with every ____ (insert date/relationship/episode) that goes nowhere, I'm even less likely to get emotionally involved than I was the last time. So even MORE arctic breezes here.

That ISH has gotten old, fast.

But wait, there's more - when I DO find someone that I like, that gets past the initial phases, etc - and THAT person dumps me, I take it really hard. REALLY hard. As in: "does he NOT know what he just gave up?" And rebuild the ice walls around my heart.

Note: I really should take my own advice more often, but let's get to the point....

and the cheese stands alone:: even if you're the ultimate playa, there's a whole host of things that random dating doesn't allow/nurture. Like, traveling to exotic locations with a SO (significant other). Or, having a shoulder to cry on when things fall apart. Or, relying on your SO's benefits plan, or having 2 incomes, or the support system that an SO brings to the table.

The honest truth is Mr. Freeze-like. It gets lonely out here. Even if your dance card is constantly full, you're still constantly swimming in the shallow end of the pool. And sometimes you're gonna look longingly at the deep end. Floating is cool, but so is deep sea diving. And lap swimming. And surfing, and para-sailing. And that's impossible to do in 3 ft of water.

I've had frostbite. I have been/can be the coldest, most aloof person. People accuse me of being anti-social, or saditty, or conceited, etc, but honestly - I'm numb. Aloof. But I've also realized that's not a good thing. At all.

I'm just beginning to thaw out. It's painful. Cold water stings a little (superficial relationships do tend to leave a little pain behind - no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise). Warm air stings a lot ('cause if you let the ice that surrounds your heart melt even a little, that leaves the heart exposed to the elements, right?). Warm/Hot water flat out hurts like no other...and no amount of blankets, hot cocoa, or compresses really alleviates that pain. They're simply a distraction, temporarily.

You can choose the hot water, sure - but that's your choice. I'm choosing cool, and slowly turning up the heat, both to minimize the pain, and ensure that whatever it is that's melting my ice is worthy of the pain/effort.

Oh yes - I intend to remain thawed out.