Yes, I totally said I was giving up on dating. Wanna hear it? Here it go: http://sagaciously.net/blogs/archives/2011/10/the-dating-fina.html
So what happened after that?: I was done. Done! - I say. My mind was made up, to enjoy life without a "man". Black men specifically, since that's my preference and I had no desire to find "Something New". So, my mission was to enjoy doing the things I most enjoyed doing: loving life, enjoying life, laughing, socializing and having a good time. Man free...or at least man "lite" - I didn't hate men so we could hang out, have a good time, but no dating and no hopes of anything meaningful.
And I did exactly that - nights out on the town, house parties, football games, etc. No animosity, no hard feelings. Just having fun and being happy. There was an occasional tug on my heartstrings, but otherwise - I was good.
And then a funny thing happened on my way to throwing the towel in: I prayed. Not hard, not wearily, not out of frustration or negativity. I prayed from a place of seeking discernment, for God to simply guide me. Show me his will. And to give me some comfort that the decision I'd made was the "right one". I prayed for guidance, because all the self-help books, dating advice, blogs, and well-meaning advice from friends wasn't giving me any comfort about the frustration I felt. And because there's a time when you have to self-reflect, and know that it's time to turn to Him.
You know what happened then? He sent me a good man. Good men, actually. Yes, plural. They didn't exactly rain down from the sky. Hell, they were right under my nose.
Me, give dating advice?: I was talking with a good girlfriend of mine about dating, her frustration with men who do, quite honestly, the least. The statistics being against black women & black relationships, how many men are playing their options, how we - as reasonable adults - actually understand this and don't fault them for this. We also talked about our "lists" & standards, about chivalry and our wants, and about what we bring to the table. It was a good convo, so I figured I'd share the highlights in the hopes that maybe other folks will get some positivity from it. And note that sometimes these ideas - they don't come from me. Sometimes I'm just a channel so that He can speak through me....
On "lists" and standards: I don't think women's standards are too high. Or low. I think sometimes our standards can be off, or a bit left of what we actually need. My take on standards: I need a person that's a reflection of the qualities I love the most about myself, and who enhances my flaws. There are qualities about myself that I actually adore. my wisdom/experience, my drive, my wit, my intuition, my emotional intelligence. There are qualities I don't like as much: my messiness and analytical-ness. I need someone who reflects List A, and offsets List B. ;-)
Equally yoked: Is about so much more than spirituality. It's about character, and personality and values. Morals, values and goals also - these are much more important than education, income, financial stability, his six-pack, his sex-game, et. al. When I think about "happily ever after" and the rest of our lives together - those things won't matter much. Money comes & goes. Education doesn't matter as much as emotional intelligence. His six-pack will eventually turn into a keg.
Positivity anyone?: The glass wasn't half full or half empty really - it was completely full - I just needed help figuring out what it was full with. I'm not going to pull out The Secret, but you know when you speak negativity, you manifest the things you speak about, right? So my frustration was drawing the exact type of man I didn't want to me. My attitude toward dating needed to change. I had to find my own happiness/fulfillment in the process. If that doesn't make the case for maintaining a positive attitude, I don't know what will...lol.
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I'm once again enjoying the journey. And I hope you are too. And if you aren't...prayer works. ?
