Recently in about me, sagaciously Category

Yeah, it's my birthday. My 44th birthday to be exact. LOL and wow!

Now, aside from the fact that I CANNOT get this song outta my head (yes, I thought they were saying 4-4's not 4-vogues. I'm getting up there. #dontjudgeme) - what's on my mind? Well, I'm not freaking out about it, I'm good and middle aged now. Good enough to be really comfy with my middle-aged status. I earned it. So there's a few things I'm putting behind me, like

• Social networking beef (I C U twitteh and FB): Imagine me arguing on da twitteh. Negro, please.


• Second guessing myself: we all have doubts, but why? Might as well go for it - time's a wasting.


• Sportin' the skimpy to preserve the Sexy: a) I will NOT be preserving shyt. I'm not a jar of apricots. And b) grown women age gracefully. Damnit.


• Wasting my energy on things that are beneath me: yes, I'm an elitist. Some things are simply NOT worth my time. While I may occasionally "go in" (and I'mma go hard) - I better know after 44 years how to pick my battles


• Clubs in general. Particularly in Atlanta - they're wack, so unless someone has a party, or an event....literally, unless we're learning salsa or I'm getting freebies, trust me. Just No. I'm done.

Honestly, this feels like a milestone. 40 was anti-climactic for me, because knee-grows were (are) still holding on to their 30's. I'm not one to lie and claim younger, but 40 didn't feel like a rite of passage. Not like 21, or 25 or 35.

But 44- that shyt has weight. Seriously. That feels like life-expectancy weight. 44 feels good in my mouth. I'm slinging it around now, and it's sloshing around in it like a swig of Kola Kai, fragrant with notes of vanilla, caramel and spices. 44 is yummy.

And 44 looks good. Check my twin in my head @ 44, freshly shorn head, not trying to outdo the young'uns:

Janet Jackson, fresh haircut at 44. Happy Birthday chica (5/16/66) - do it!

I'm jes sayin' - I'm seeing a lot of chicks saying this was a bad move. What??? Look. At. Her. Face. Anyone can serve hair. F*ck hair - she should have been serving THIS face FOR YEARS. That is some grown woman shyt right there.

*idly considers cutting her hair shorter...digressing...next*

And not for ANY-FRIGGIN-THING, but my er, ...peers? the 40+ chicks? Chicks my age? They're making 40+ look outrageous. Stacey Dash? Lisa Raye? Halle Berry? The sista I saw at church, school, work, Starbucks that I know are 40+? SERIOUSLY? Career choices and personal relationships aside - frankly - they make 40 look flawless. (*I need to step my game up...digressing again...next*)

But it goes beyond the physical. There's the confidence that women of a certain age exude for knowing: THEY. HAVE. DONE. SOME. SHYT. Personal crises? Pssh - did that. Marital woes? Did that. Career missteps? Done that. Family issues? Did that.

Gigantic-hurdle-you-never-saw-coming-that-you-never-anticipate-having-to-face-and-you-have-no-idea-how-you're-going-to-get-past-it? Knee-grows and knee-gresses, not only did I do that, but I should write a book about it so that some of y'all can latch on to some of this sagaciousness too. I'm so serious.

And there's a few things that I'm looking forward to. No, not a bucket list, or another 101 in 1001. But, milestones that I'm anticipating with a knowing smile, like:

• Being a Nana. No rush @theChaos. But I'm practicing my baking & spoiling skills regardless.


• Seeing more of the world. Why shoot for Miami, when Kingston (or Punta Cana) is the same flight time away?


• Evolving. Despite what 17 year old me thought, I made it 10 years past the new millenium. 40 is not the new 30, but it's far from what 40 was perceived to be 31 years ago. (WOW that statement made me feel old). I'm STILL growing.


• Being able to say "when I was young", or "30 years ago" or "40 years ago" without that shock I just felt...lmao @ myself.


• Speaking, breathing, living, walking, talking, strutting, dancing, doing everything freely without truly giving a damn. LOL - yeah, I know. But I'm human, and I care. But only I&I (and Him) got me to 44. Love my friends, family, social network and all - appreciate their support, but love them with the understanding that only I&I and Him will get me through the next 44.


• The next 44 (or 54, or 64....lol)

So yeah, my friends are asking me "what are you doing for your 44th birthday?" I'm introspective and reflective. If money were no object, if time and distance wouldn't matter, if I could have the best birthday ever - what would I want to do? I'd plot the next 44. I'd have a nice glass of wine in some fabulous remote location. I'd open up the engine of a nicely appointed V-8 (10, 12) and push her to her limits. I'd ride a horse. I'd have amazing sex with a 44+ year old brother that I thought was drooling fine. Seriously, like "daaaayum" fine. I'd hang out with my daughter and her hubby decorating her new house. I'd shoot the shyt with my friends, or watch The Hangover for the 59th time. I'd buy those fly shoes that Gwyneth Paltrow wore on The Marriage Ref a couple of weeks ago:

I'd start an exciting new project. I'd cut my hair super short. I'd drive out to the country for a picnic, pick fresh strawberries and lay out in the sun. I'd do a 4 mile run.

I don't know what I'm going to do. What I do know is, whatever I do - it's going to be good. :-)

p.s. I'd also cry at the drop of a hat, at the most mundane thing - because the mundane is truly amazing to me. That's some grown woman shyt right there too that you might not be aware of - but you'll learn.

I started writing (not solely blogging - this blog was created to allow me to write) out of a need to vent. To purge. To share my thoughts with...someone. Preferably, anonymously.

To breathe.

Because sometimes my thoughts become pregnant with life, and their weight chokes me.

So I give them birth, through writing and let them roam free.

And at times, it becomes burdensome. Tiring. Painful. Exhausting. So I focus on other things.

Real life. Love. Work. Professionalism. MONEY.

But then things happen, and my thoughts start harassing me, again.

Black women's singleness becoming the topic of Late Night Talk show fodder. Or showing up in the Economist. Or black men's relationship absenteeism being attributed to imprisonment, or black women's stank attitudes.

Or professors being locked up for fraud. Or oil spills in the Gulf. Or really good chocolate.

Or my baby daddy slowly driving me crazy.

I can't say I'm back. See, I'm balancing a high wire act between blogging unashamedly without fear of repercussions - and repercussions previously experienced. Oh, and there's also my need to remain consistently gainfully employed, whether this space makes money for me, or not.

Yes, I'm writing. Because I was choking.

I have to write, to breathe. But I need to eat, to work, to live. So - if you like this space, like what I write, or love me - bear with me. The only thing I can promise is my consistent honesty.

It's an end of an era...

I've been blogging since November 24, 2001

Much of it has been personal. VERY personal. So personal, in fact, that it's become burdensome. If you're wondering why I'm stopping - that's it, in a nutshell. The joy I once felt in writing in this space is gone, for more reasons than I care to recount. But I am busy, things have changed - and I'd rather spend my time doing things, than talking about doing them.

My only goal when I started blogging/writing was to make some sense of what I was going through. And to tell the truth.

Blogging has evolved dramatically in the last 9 years, and with it....comes the time to ask myself if I need to evolve also. The answer is yes.

So, with that - it's time to go.

I want to thank you - those of you that have taken the time to read my stuff, and give me feedback, comments, email me, etc. I appreciate all that you've shared with me, positive and negative.

And no, I haven't stopped writing completely - it's just time for the journey to take a new direction.

This leg is over.

Now on to the next.....

UrbanVerge: your premier destination for reviews with an Urban Edge

Luv-A-Nu: to rediscover Love Anew

and the movement that will change the world......

Globalhaus: bridging the gap between social good and profitability/efficiency worldwide. Globalhaus isn't just an idea - it's a movement.