April 09, 2008
random weirdness
So, has the cost of fuel prices driven this person mad, or is it the microwave frequencies coming from your cellphone?:
Click on the pic above to see the full size picture.
Ok, yes - cellphones while driving annoy me as well. But there's no way I'd buy a black minivan and cover it completely with the neon-scribbled ramblings of my outraged mind. The movie "23" definitely comes to mind...
If you can't see the words: it's the Torture Games of their Cell Phones and Navigation Systems that are killing Our Children 24/7. They're also torturing our kids with cyberdildonics and cybersex.
I don't know about you, but I'm about to get me some-o-dem cyberdildonic thingies. Sounds intriguing.
Posted by saga_30311 at 09:24 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
February 26, 2008
a gift, from me to you
Note: this is NSFW
Reh Dogg - "True Love Never Dies"
...you can thank me later.
Posted by saga_30311 at 09:01 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
January 04, 2007
daily chuckle
What better use for an Amazon review than to provide a PMS'ing woman like myself with a chuckle? And to Livewire, the Canadian Information Minister, thanks for the yucks ;-)
Posted by saga_30311 at 08:24 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Reh Dogg - Why Must I Cry
Alls I gots to say is - I have a future in the music biz.
For those of you who haven't seen this on YouTube - introducing Reh Dogg.
Don't judge him man - he's got stories he's trying to tell - don't get distracted by his (lack of) singing ability.
Ok, for real though - if this dude can (and has) get his songs on iTunes, and they're (allegedly) selling - I have a future as the Arch Duchess of Hip-Hop/R & B. Mary, do not side-eye me!
Okokokok - since I tortured y'all with this - I'll post my real playlist before Friday, I promise ;-)
Posted by saga_30311 at 09:59 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
September 20, 2006
the Accidental Lockout
I can't say much about my actual accident more than I've already said - no injuries (well my neck and back hurt, and my knees are begging for relief), and my truck is jacked up (and so are my knees from the Nissan Sentra the insurance actually covered. I need a tall girl rider on my policy).
What I can discuss is the lunacy below:
That pic would be off the tow truck driver, rescuing his damn self. See, after the accident occurred, drivers information exchanged, police were called, insurance companies notified, and road blocked for about 35 min, this guy finally shows up. Friendly type, he jumps out of his truck to survey the damage to ensure that he could tow the truck, and....
proceeds to lock himself out of his tow truck.
yes, that would be Mr. Man, attempting to break into his tow truck (having locked both the extra key, and Slim Jim in the truck). Another 30 minutes of waiting for another tow truck to break into his to truck, and he managed to pop the lock himself with a coat hanger and a screwdriver. Lawd, please help the babies....
Posted by saga_30311 at 05:51 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
August 22, 2006
random un-PC thoughts
the pixie on my shoulder made me do it....
- if I'm on a flight, and anyone starts clowning (peeing on the floor, speaking in tongues, denouncing the fascist American oppressors, etc.) I'mma claw their heart out with my acrylic fingernails my dayum self. F*ck an Air Marshall, and the law. I got babies, and I'd rather they see their momma in jail, than taking a dirt nap. I'm jes saying...
- Somehow, the dominatrix in me came out after I turned 40. Suddenly, I have several new pairs of Stilletto's, and I'm loving old 40's suits all of a sudden. Pencil skirts and palazzo pants suits. Real butch, in an "I'll wear red lipstick and walk on your back" kind of way. Hmph.
- If the N'ation of I'slam decides to commit Jihad by putting liquid explosive in bean pies, I'm f*cked.
- Yes, I know that was horrible, and factually inaccurate. But I'm eating a slice of bean pie now, and this thought briefly troubled me.
- Lawd, forgive me for disrespecting the dead, but I'm blaming the Ramseys for putting JonBenet in a position where a grown man would look at her at 6 years old, and fall in love. Obviously he's got serious issues, but in those photos, she looks like a tart.
- *briefly wonders how many children have been molested since this story broke? children whose stories got no airtime, as we dissected John Karr*
- **then wonders if the nation is obsessed because a beautiful child was killed, or because that child was dressed like a tart**
- While watching 'When the Levees Broke': Who is "they", and why do we still expect "them" to do a m*tha f*ckin thing?
Posted by saga_30311 at 09:31 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
August 08, 2006
Paranoia (how to not get got)
* in best Puffy impression* This is the re-post...I thought I told you that we won't stop....ok, yeah, corny, but this is closely related to being a hustla. You may want to revisit those posts.
Aight, so I inadvertently vamped again. Some combo of work, school ending, mentoring, daily grind, etc. Well, honestly, for the most part it's been work, and I'll elaborate.
A Brief History of Paranoia:: I'm a Yankee at heart. Not a Big Apple Yankee, but a New York Yankee nevertheless. And I will admit: I am more than a little paranoid. Let me 'splain: I don't always look over my shoulder, because I don't have to. I already know what's there.
When you grow up, peeping out the situation, having to slide through, watchin your back, your front, and your sides too, you tend to note what's there. So yeah, duplicated footsteps too close to me, will cause me to stop and fake a shoe tie, to let that person pass. Someone brushing past me inherently causes me to adjust my purse, and make sure it's still zipped, wallet inside. I may not remember what a Louie's Hot Dog tastes like, but I do know how to avoid being an easy target. Some things you never forget.
the paranoid routine::Being a semi-reformed Yankee has served me well, living in a city that I'm unfamiliar with, or even while traveling, on many occasions. I'll give you an example: Several women close to me have gotten "got". Mugged, robbed, car-jacked, chain's snatched, etc. Friends, coworkers, colleagues, etc. Now, I don't want to increase my statistical probability by speaking on this, but it seems there are a few simple things you can do to avoid making yourself an easy target:
- watch your surroundings:: a girlfriend of mine got car-jacked at a gas station about a mile from her apartment. She was on her cellphone, next to a dark alley, and didn't see the guy walk out of the alley, until he was already up on her. And my head said "yo, I saw that one coming". She had a habit of becoming engrossed in her convo's and ignoring everything from traffic (women & cellphones, ugh) to her surroundings. And subsequently got "got".
- never take kindness for weakness:: I'm amazed that people fall for old-school tricks. 5 dudes that smoke, walk up on you, and none of them has a light? Someone asks me for something at the bottom of my purse, that forces me to rummage through it, while I've got cash in my hands? You want me to help you carry your bags? Or invade my personal space, allegedly being nice? Not the kid, I don't care what anyone thinks - I'll help you out, on my own terms. Maybe. Maybe not. Depends on how obvious you are about trying to "get" at me.
- watch the people around you:: yes, I almost got "got" myself, yesterday. I'm parked at a gas station, waiting for a call (for directions). Meanwhile, this guy in a cadillac pulls into the same gas station, stops, and stares at me, until I notice him, then pulls off. 3 minutes later, he pulls back in, at my passenger side door. He gets out, and walks over to the next parking lot (?), at Mrs. Winners. Then, another car pulls directly in front of me, so close that I can no longer pull straight out. I notice I'm now blocked in on 3 sides: driver's side is next to the station, car in front, and cadillac guy on passenger side. Cadillac guy walks back with a sweet tea (no food). Oh HELLS naw. I hurry up and back out, and pull out of the parking lot, then onto the interstate. Yes, paranoid, but paranoid and safe.
- if it smells like bullshyt:: it's probably not a rose. No matter what Outkast (or anyone else says). My best friend in High School lost her school ring during a game of 3-card Monty (if you don't know what this is, email me) that I refused to play. 'Cause it sounded too easy. But I'm not immune to this. I once gave a homeless pregnant chick $5 to stay in a shelter, only to watch her hop in a car, and give my $5 to her man. I pray he didn't let her hit the rock that they bought with it.
- pick your battles:: ok, so you got caught slippin', and now you gotta figure a way out, minimizing the damage. 5 guys wanting a light is definitely not the situation where you want to make your stand. Neither is when someone pulls a knife on you while you rummage through your purse. But, if someone does invade your space, quicken your step. Maybe even run. Or at least knee the n*gga in the balls, I'm jes saying. You have to know when to hold'em....you know the rest.
Work-Paranoia:: I work in a Corporate environment. Uber-Corporate. Old School, Bricks-n-Mortar corporate. Think: on-the-Fortune-500-pre-Internet Corporate. So, given my environment, paranoia is probably the rule, not the exception. Hyper-competitive to get in, hyper-competitive to stay in, hyper-competitive to get ahead. Folks get their MBA's just to give them an edge to get here, m'kay?
Now, I know I have complained about work, some complaints warranted, some...well....like my colleagues say, it's typical corporate BullShyt. Yes, employees here are subject to joining the corporate Witness Protection Program (they get missing fast, and the spiel is they were seeking "better opportunities" but we know they didn't ALL quit. Not even our COO was immune to this.) I know where I work, the environment in which I operate, and I also know that a healthy dose of paranoia is a good thing. Key words: healthy dose. Good Thing.
How do these basic principles relate? An example: a colleague and I work on the same team, same type of project, started around the same time frame. So, she was expressing her concerns (complaining) about one of our projects, and the lack of support from our leads and Project Manager. So, I tried to instill a healthy dose of paranoia:
- watch your surroundings:: our team is mostly women, mostly black. Our boss is a black woman. Our lead is black. We've got people all around us looking for our team to fail, for many reasons that mostly boil down to our apparently lack of diversity. Said boss and leads are covering their asses, and covering our collective asses, in that order. They don't have time to provide support.
- never take kindness for weakness:: One of the stakeholders on my current project flies private airplanes as a hobby, and offered to take a couple of us to see his private airstrip he's building in NC. A really mild-mannered nice Project Manager, he makes it a point to facilitate our relationship with his employees, and network with the other managers. Oh, until you piss him off that is. Then he's liable to tell you what you're saying is absolute "horse-shyt" on a conference call, and refuse to participate in meetings. And then hang up. And refuse to take your calls. Until you make nice. Seriously. I gotta admit, he gained a lot more respect with his bad behavior, than the offer of plane rides, trust.
- watch the people around you:: there's an enemy amongst us, that looks like us, talks like us, wants to be "down". But is supremely unhappy with her current career situation. She's the proverbial snake on the plan, doesn't care who she bites, if she's backed in the corner. Not the one you want to cover for, or depend on.
- if it smells like bullshyt:: You cannot collect unemployment for quitting a job in an at-will state, no matter how much your boss tells you "he's got your back". If you can't get promoted because you can't spell, and you're not a writer, there's definitely a bigger problem. If your boss writes you up for a infraction that happened offsite, after work hours, and when you dispute this, changes the date/time so that it falls in scope of your gig and HR approves this, it's time to talk to your lawyer. And if you're a programmer, and your boss suggests that you're probably "not all that technical" you need to refute that. Prove him wrong. Or seek more gainful employment. Even corporate roses smell like boo-boo.
- pick your battles:: I'm working on a project I'm overqualified for. For no-pay-raise. With more hours. And inherently limiting my opportunities in my current department. Sounds dope-fiend, right? Why would I do this? Well, it increases my opportunities outside my current department (mind you: the same department that refuses to promote me) as well as outside my company (the company that refuses to allow many people of my color to hold positions of power). It also aligns more closely with my MBA. I chose this position, not vice-versa. I have a long term strategy to win the war, f*ck a battle.
back to the elaboration:: I've been swamped, working my plan, not letting the BullShyt work me. Yes, I'm paranoid. But I'm also not blind to the machinations of the Corporate Culture that I fight from within. They may be trying to indoctrinate me into the Cult of the Corporate Whore, and I may know it, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna make the shyt easy. So yeah, I'm sitting at Starbuck's, cellphone, laptop, Flash drive, wallet, car keys out in plain view, easily reachable, and for the hungry thief , easily grab-able. And I've got on 4 1/2 inch stillettos. But I doubt anyone would try me. Straight hair, or not - I'm still saga, Sagacious Lee.
Posted by saga_30311 at 01:07 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
August 02, 2006
random fashion thoughts
ok real quick - and then I gotta go to bed...
leggings are back?:: WHOSE BRIGHT F*CKING IDEA IS THIS?! Lessee, pants that make skinny chicks look anorexic, and fat chicks look lumpy. Yeah, that's the "next idea" in fashion. GTFOH.
if I were to design a ready-to-wear(R2W) collection:: today, I'd make the signature color Navy Blue, because frankly, I'm friggin sick of charcoal, black and chocolate brown suits. I'm jes saying. Navy should be the new black, and everyone should just get over gray, m'kay? Thanks!
and you're clashing, because?:: I'm not matchy-matchy by any means. Please, if you can pull it off, wear plaids and paisleys together. However, just because you friggin love your Louis Vuiton bag, and LV chose brown and tan as his signature colors, doesn't mean you get to carry that bag when you're wearing gray and black. Buy a f*cking Fendi or something, dayum.
clothes for everybody:: I'm still addicted to House of Boateng (update tomorry) and Project Runway, and I wish Vince and Bradley would just vamoose already. Even with the cheating, I'd trade both of them just to get Keith back. But even with all that, a real challenge IMHO would be to design real clothes for real bodies. How's about you design skinny jeans that flatter my gargantuan a$$. That, my friends, is a challenge!
disclaimer:: the author is not suggesting fat girls should actually wear skinny jeans. In fact, she'd warn against this, considering the impact that the friction this would cause, along with causing a rupture in the fashion-sense-aesthetic continuum. Please, dress accordingly.
...oh, the other reason behind the 'clothes for everybody' challenge, is that my hairstylist whined to me that she was afraid to get a pair of hot pants, because she has a "black girl booty" and doesn't want to look like a stank. With her size 6 a$$, and Tina legs. I'd almost hate her for being a scaredy cat, but she works with women all day, so I know of which her concerns are birthed. We can be a hateful bunch. So, I'd want to design her the perfect pair of booty enhancing, stank minimalizing, appropriate for working in a hair salon hot pants, to shut them other bytches up. 'Cept I hung up my pincushion eons ago.
wish-list:: for right now, one of my fave back-in-the-day R2W designers is hot again: Norma Kamali (don't call it a comeback - i had faith in you girl!). So, I'd want a convertible shirt/dress/skirt from Norma. A Michael Kors satchel. These Kenneth Cole pumps. And clothes of my own design (navy suit, military-inspired pieces, and work-worthy dresses/skirts), because the fall R2W previews I'm seeing, suck rocks. Who wears leggings to work, anyway??!!!
men, an fyi:: before anyone falls into the Gap, slim fit does not mean tight. It means, closer fitting than the falling-off-your-a$$-hanging-around-your-knees fit than you're probably used to. Tight is bad. VERY BAD. Just, no. Please. No.
Ok, I just saw that damn Gap jeans commercial again (Skinny, slim, str8 - I walk the line). Time to go gouge my eyes out.
Posted by saga_30311 at 11:41 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 20, 2006
spam alert
and now a brief pause for a chuckle....
I got this IM on Yahoo just now:
I_M_dumb_a$$: DEAR GOD:
I want to thank You for what you have already done. I am not going to wait until I see results or receive rewards; I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait until I feel better or things look better; I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait until people say they are sorry or until they stop talking about me; I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait until the pain in my body disappears ; I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait until my financial situation improves; I am going to thank you right now. I am not going to wait until the children are asleep and the house is quiet; I am going to thank you right now. I am not going to wait until I get promoted at work or until I get the job; I am going to thank you right now. I am not going...
my response: um, I'm pretty sure that you sent this message/prayer to the wrong person. I am NOT GOD, and I'm also pretty sure he doesn't use Yahoo messenger.
Posted by saga_30311 at 10:15 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
June 10, 2006
funktacular outlook
Maybe it's just that I'd been ignoring him for a sec, or it could've been the alert was extra loud this AM, but why is my Outlook getting all attitudinal on me?
Ok, dayum.....I'm reminded. You don't have to be all funky about it...sheesh.
Posted by saga_30311 at 08:34 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
November 11, 2005
Mackerelly y'all!
A coworker of mine (and very good friend) has managed to snatch me from the depths of my depression with:
please don't make me 'splain. I couldn't possible even try. Just go here, and see for yourself.
I promise you'll be in tears after you do.
Mackerelly, y'all!
Posted by saga_30311 at 01:44 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 23, 2005
...find me in da club...
Another tentative date, another incident of being stood up. And, may I add - I looked way too cute to sit home. Instead of moping, I decide to go to the club, and headed to a local "Ole Skool" watering whole, to avoid hanging out with theChaos' co-horts (gen Z'ers? dang, do they even have a classification yet?). Either way, I ain't NEVA partying with my daughter, ok? Meanwhile, I head to the club solo. Clubs are an endess source of amusement for me, because of the characters:
the club "pimp"
I'm sitting at my bar, and over saunters "Larry". And yes, He's a Cancer. And yes, his lines are that tired. However, he was 6'4", decently dressed, and over 30...so I was willing to entertain the tired lines. Well, at least until another woman dressed in head-to-toe camouflage came and sat next to Larry on his other side...
Larry: You're so young...I shouldn't even be talking to you.
me: Why is that?
Larry: Shoot girl, I'm about to get my AARP card.
me: laughs...
....not even 3 minutes later, I hear
Larry: You're probably way too young for me...
Camouflage Girl: Oh really? How old are you?
Larry: Shoot girl, I'm about to get my AARP card.
me(thinking): da hell? did he just recycle his game while I'm still in earshot?
Aside: the bartender was listening, and busted out laughing when I gave Larry the Scooby-Doo-"ruh-roh"-face. She told me later that all his lines are standard, and she quoted several, including: "I've traveled the world, because I used to play pro-ball, and I'm also former military", "I know the owner, we used to be business partners in _____ venture together" and "It usually takes me about 2 drinks to oil the knees up properly to dance - basketball injuries. So far I've had 3, so I think I'm good...".
Another aside: yes, I was offended that he was spitting that same tired game at a girl dressed completely in camouflage. I mean dayum, the outfit was very 1997, and it wouldn't have been all that cute back then, ok?
the nasty man
Am I the only one that gets all these old dudes with fetishes? This guy asks me to dance, and then starts telling me how surprised he is that I'm here alone. "Are you single" - yes. "Do you have a man" - no. "That is so surprising because you seem like a good woman" - yea, right. I've heard these lines so many times, that it sounds like that Charlie Brown's teacher mess: wa wa-wa wa-wa...wa, wa, wa wah. But then..
nastyman: You are a whole lotta woman. I love the way you look...I could really do some things with you.
me(feigning naivéte, because I think I know where he's headed): what do you mean?
nastyman: you have some really thick hair.
me: thanks
nastyman: are you hairy like that all over? I mean, I don't see any hair on your arms and legs...but I would like to find out for myself.
me: da hell? oh see - you need to go on somewhere with that....
Ok, c'mon now...a fetish for pubes? If that isn't the friggin' nastiest...that's worse than feet...ugh!
the "one-move" man
I am so mean for this one, but y'all know what I'm talking about. Dude with that one dance move, and he's working out all-night-long, to whichever song comes on. Classic R& B = one move. Uptempo R& B = same move. House song = same move. Reggae song = same move. Hip hop song = same move. Slow song = same move. Line Dance song (electric slide, cha-cha slide, etc) = same move. If they played an arena rock song, I believe dude would have used the same move.
Now, if the move was the two-step, it wouldn't be so noticeable. I mean, everyone kind of expects older heads to two-step, yanno? But the move was so extraordinary. It was a cross between the "Carlton dance" from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and the "Jerk" from the Steve Martin movie of the same name. The fact that this kid did it for about 4 hours straight was pretty amazing, considering how painful it was to watch. My neck still hurts from watching him.
the hoodrat drop
I don't know which of my elitist guy friends said this one, but here's the direct quote: "here's how you can tell a real hoodrat/ghetto girl - if they hear a song with that "drop" in it...yanno that Kilo Ali 'Nasty Dancer' drop? and no matter where they are, they start popping that thang? yeah - she's a hoodrat". Now, granted - we are in a club, so popping that thang is kinda expected. What I don't expect, is for them to do that a) while wearing a dress, b) while they are pregnant, c) with one hand on a building joist (sweetie, that is not a stripper pole, ok) or d) if they are over 30, 35, 40...aw hell, I ain't raising that age limit no dayum more! and let's not even talk about e) all of the above...
aside:: that line above is a QUOTE. I did not say that...I'm just co-signing it. Direct your hate mail elsewhere...lol.
the meeting in the ladies room
This one is a public service to the brothas. If you ever want to know the level of women that you're really dealing with in da club, peek into the ladies room. Seriously. I've been in too many clubs to name, but I can tell you - the ladies room is the nastiest place on earth, bar none. And, in some of the well-known popular clubs that are known to pack in some of the finest women in Atlanta? Chile - them chicks will take a dump in the sink, ok? At the end of the night, the ladies bathroom will end up looking like the Wild Boyz did a tampon commmercial. And to think...you probably took one of them drunk, nasty-a$$ hooches home afterward...lol.
aside: ladies, if you gave the ladies room attendant a $20 for a slice of gum - you didn't pay her enough, ok? Ain't no way I could do what she does with the skanches she does it for. And them skanches don't tip. dayum.
Last one...
the club husband
You know this one fa sho. He bought you a drink, and you're tied for life - or at least the rest of the night. This kid follows you everywhere - bathroom, dance floor, outside, back inside...all in the hopes that you will take him home. I guess. Frankly, after I get the drink, I will ask for his digits and tell him I'll talk to him soon. If he isn't out of the area soon, I will confirm to him that I will lose his number if I don't get some air. This particular night, he beat it, but then ran out after me as I was getting in my car. And then couldn't get back in the club (no Ins and Outs). Poor thing...
Posted by saga_30311 at 06:30 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
October 13, 2005
Footnote
Antonio Melani's Simone Suede Boots
Ok, I can't even explain this except to those folks that share my shoe/boot fetish. I just want these. There is no other explanation for it.
Posted by saga_30311 at 10:57 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
September 29, 2005
Which Type of Killer?
I've seen this on MNM's page, as well as Tiki's page:
You are a Samurai.
You are full of honour and value respect. You
are not really the stereotypical hero, but you
do fight for good. Just in your own way. For
you, it is most certainly okay to kill an evil
person, if it is for justice and peace. You
also don't belive in mourning all the time and
think that once you've hit a bad stage in life
you just have to get up again. It's pointless
to concentrate on emotional pain and better to
just get on with everything. You also are a
down to earth type of person and think before
you act. Impulsive people may annoy you
somewhat.
Main weapon: Sword
Quote: "Always do the right thing.
This will gratify some people and astonish the
rest" -Mark Twain
Facial expression: Small smile
What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla
Yeah...that's pretty accurate.
Posted by saga_30311 at 11:03 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
August 13, 2005
I'm a hustla baby...
and now we interrupt this message with an important word from our sponsors...
Ok, so the mini (and I do mean ultra-mini) sideline things have been paying off. Not enough to put a dent on theSlab's downpayment, but enough to keep Bessie on the road with these rising gas prices ($2.55/gallon? is there cocaine in that gas pump? diamonds? shyt!)
The hustles:
Mystery Shopping
The link-hustle ads: See Craig's List if you wanna get put on to post this kind of thing:
Lactose Intolerance
Greg Duncan
unsecured credit cards
And yes (warning: shameless donation request to follow), you can always check that right hand sidebar, to donate directly via Paypal, or click the Google ads to send me a few pennies...I appreciate 'ya!
and now we return you to our regularly scheduled post...
Posted by saga_30311 at 11:58 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 04, 2005
Explanation of the Social Experiment
Looks like saga has some 'splainin to do.
Ok, so if you're familiar with my 101, then you've seen me say that I wanted to register this domain? Well the unstated portion of that task was to make the site self-sufficient. I wanted this site to pay for itself. Oh, and yeah - with my buying theSlab, I also could use a lil extra $$$.
SO, I was looking for a part-time writing gig on Craig's List, and came across an ad looking for bloggers. Post about whatever, the topic itself doesn't matter, as long as you included some links that they send to you, for example:
Simmons Jannace
New York Office Space
car insurance
Bvlgari Diagono Lady's Gold Watch
Sounds benign enough, 'specially considering the amount of spam Trackbacks I've been getting lately (20/day? gaht dayum). If I'm gonna be pimped via spam, I might as well pimp myself.
Er, uh - no. See - I felt dirty when I wrote the first social experiment post, and even though this (sorta) explains what I did, I still feel a lil grimy for posting those links above. Even though it's easy cash, I felt like my writing is one of those few things I have that I have the complete freedom to be utterly genuine about, and I pimped my words out for some chump change.
Hm...how do I make this spot self-sufficient without being suspect. Paypal donations or Ads by Google, anyone?
Posted by saga_30311 at 09:37 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
July 27, 2005
temporary boredom reducer
I'm gonna post the drivers in traffic pics from ManNMotion's meme, as soon as my slow-a$$ camera gives up the goods (anyone know an easy way to get pics off your camera phone - holla at a playa, k?). And he's right - that one is a lot harder than I thought...
Meanwhile, want to find out what your birthday says about you? Click here: Birthday Calculator
I am 1,236,679,911 seconds old.
There are 297 days till my next birthday
on which my cake will have 40 candles on it.
My birth tree is
Chestnut Tree, the Honesty
Of unusual beauty, does not want to impress, well-developed sense of justice, vivacious, interested, a born diplomat, but irritable and sensitive in company, often due to a lack of self-confidence, acts sometimes superior, feels not understood, loves only once, has difficulties in finding a partner.
Whew - that's a lot of minutes. I guess I should be freaked out about my next birthday, but nah...looking forward to it. And as for my personality, is that too close to the truth, or a good guess? I certainly hope that the "loves only once" thing isn't true...
Posted by saga_30311 at 10:06 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
July 26, 2005
Social Experiment
I had a weird dream today.
I accepted a flower delivery that wasn't intended for me, from some guy named Michael. Apparently, he was trying to send flowers to his ex-girlfriend that had recently dumped him, and he was trying to make it up to her. She caught him cheating, while he was working at Kinkos, with a customer that was getting prices on postcard printing. The customer was supposed to have been working on drop mailings to distribute accutane information, but was really trying to get her groove on.
Ok, to be honest, that wasn't the dream. So, if you're scratching your head, thinking "what the heck is she blathering about", I haven't lost my whole mind. Well, at least no more of my mind than I had previously. But...I'll explain what this is about in a few days.
Posted by saga_30311 at 09:56 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
June 02, 2005
Random Seven
- Yeah, Heather Locklear as a waitress & Jennifer Lopez as a maid. Minimal makeup & sans stylists, of course. I'll buy that, sure. Are we running out of movie ideas, people?
- Brown is the new Black. Sorry Todd.
- Foughetto replaces Boughetto as my word of the moment. Foughetto: First generation bougie, but brought up in the ghetto. Thine a$$ ain't had $ long enough to turn thy nose up at anyone...
- A coworker to moi: "Is _____ gay?". My short & sweet thought: "Dunno". My long & sweet answer: "Since I'm not sleeping with ______, why would I give a f&*%?". This coworker stopped talking to me.
- R. Kelly: media hungry beast capitalizing on over-rated drama? Or true artist reflecting on the drama real life has become? Honestly, I just want to know when his dayum trial will ever start.
- I need a reality-show intervention. Beauty & The Geek? Dancing with the Stars? Hit Me Baby One More Time? Hell's Kitchen? (thinking: "dayum, did that chef just say f&*% and they barely bleeped it out, but you could read his lips, on NETWORK TV?") And coming soon - So You Think You Can Dance? and I Want to Be A Hilton? Stop the madness!!!
- Why am I paying $3/day for an apple, a scoop of walnuts, and a 1/2 tablespoon of non-fat yogurt? It's them dayum animated sistas with the natural hair, using their mind control tricks on me...
Posted by saga_30311 at 08:28 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
May 30, 2005
a "this shyt makes no sense" kind of moment...
Ok, there's no real good reason for this...so without further ado:
Jeff Green is a 32 year old american, in Arizona, whose wife passed. Due to the great pain he suffered due to her death, he did something totally out of character for a normal and sane person. He said, "I could no longer take the pain that my wife's death caused me and I brought her back home."
Yes, that is dude's dead wife in the table. For the rest of the story, click here.
Now that is some kind of memorial for Memorial Day, hm? Somewhere out there, a former soldier is probably gunning for my a$$ - I'm so wrong for this. Aight, I'm out...going to get me a rib!
Posted by saga_30311 at 01:36 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
April 20, 2005
internet dating after 35: oh see - you lost your whole mind
I'd attributed this foolishness previously to a full moon, but several moons have passed, and these fools are still tripping. So, now I'm guessing the biological clock has kicked in. Yeah, I know - and no, it ain't just women that are feeling it. Apparently, the brothers are feeling the need to plant seeds, so they're blowing me up with lunacy. Or they're just nucking futs. Either way, they need rules, and it's my civic duty to provide 'em.
- the anti-booty call, call: After 10PM, before 9AM - if you ain't delivering beef sausage, you need to hang up before you hit that 7th digit. That whole: "I just called to give you that present you wanted; I just called to hear your voice; I just called to see what you were doing..." jazz is about original as Kenny G. track.
- never-never-never drink and dial: there is nothing more annoyingly pathetic than being old, dumb and drunk. <caller in throaty Floaters voice > er, hi yeah...this is Larry...< long pause as caller temporarily loses consciousness > uh yer...and I'm a Cancer < caller wipes slobber off receiver > and uh yeah... fsjkwugas *#$^% fjjlas < I don't know what the hell that was > ...and when you get this message, call.. < beep: end of message>
- riffing with a ghost: Maybe someone could break this down for me, since this one has me boggled. Why would you ever argue, via text messages, emails and voicemails, with someone you are interested in, but have NeVeR met? an example: if you don't want to talk to me, you could just say so. This is the 21st century equivalent of a middle-school note, asking "Do you like me? check no, yes or maybe" - except we ain't in middle school so the cuteness has been gone. for. friggin. decades.
- cellphone percussion bombs: <sigh> we are grown folks, holding down jobs, with responsibilities. so, u call, leave a message, hang up, then call back. r.e.p.e.a.t.e.d.l.y. what, suddenly my conf. call, seminar, class, kids, customer will magically dissipate into a puff of smoke, allowing me to take YOUR important "hey, so what are you wearing?" call? Even on vibrate, it's not cool to blow me up like this - GTFOH -and go knit a scarf or something.
- pseudo-intimacy: so we chatted incessantly, emailed back & forth, and held late-night phone sessions professing our intense like. That SO does not mean you can bring your hot a$$ over my house, prop your nasty size 12's on my coffee table, and chill like we've been married for 15 years.
- romance spam: hell naw, you can not send me an email saying "baby, I really like you... I enjoyed talking to you... and I really want to see you again" and then CC three other females you're trying to get at!!! WTF?! The only appropriate response - Reply All with: "I really had a good time too, and I finally heard from the doctor...that little infection you gave me finally cleared up, and the cooch is no longer oozing green slime, so we can have sex again, isn't that cool?"
Oh, I got more...I'm just sleepy as hell. Point is: just because my clock went off some years back doesn't mean the rules just went out the dayum window. I just want to date for FUN. At this rate, that celibacy task (see 101 list) is getting easier...and easier...and..
Posted by saga_30311 at 08:47 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
March 29, 2005
fixin your ex's commitment issues? the baconstraw convo
I gotta record this to process this, I don't know how to feel about this. yet.
sadat_x: yo, I need you to do me a favor
me: what's that?
sadat_x: I need you to hook me up with a booty call
me: GTFOH. HAHAHAHA - c'mon now - I ain't going there, again.
sadat_x: I'm serious. All jokes aside. And I think you should. Here's why...
ok, now before I enter tangent-land with sadat_x, y'all need some background info. sadat_x is the reason I moved to Atlanta. sadat_x is the very first brotha I can honestly say I really loved, who loved me equally in return. sadat_x and I broke up, brutally. sadat_x has had commitment issues ever since we broke up. And sadat_x & I started dating, when he was 16, and I was 22.
I SWEAR I didn't know that at the time. He told me he was 19, and what - it's not like you card folks when they try to get at you. Well, back then you didn't.
The backstory: sadat_x was the rebound guy from my first fiance. the fiance cheated, and sadat_x stepped in while I decided whether it was just temporarily or finally over with the fiance. And sadat_x got blessed with every special thing I learned from living with the fiance. sadat_x got: fragranced baths with rose petals & floating candles, hot meals waiting for him when he came over, every sexually deviate trick that my newly adult girlfriends & I could come up with to make our men stay put. And we had some next shyt, let me tell you...
But the fiance came clean, and vowed to get his act together. So sadat_x also got rudely kicked to the curb, outta the rose petal bathtub, into the cold street. A 19 yr old maybe coulda handled it. But sadat_x was not 19.
sadat_x: so I'm scarred for life. the rose petals, the specially made dinners - you spoiled the shyt outta me
me: and I'm supposed to hook you up with a booty call, because of that?
sadat_x: and the sex - man. you used to come home and rub your stuff in my face...
me: <laughing> and that was a bad thing?
sadat_x: I'm just saying...you were like janet jacme, and I didn't know how to handle it...
Several years later, I came to visit sadat_x in Atlanta, and I fell in love, again. sadat_x introduced me to his southern friends as his "girl", and I wanted to try again. So I moved, and we did, and it didn't work. That didn't stop us from being friends, and living together. We figured we could handle both.
We couldn't. The "friend" thing didn't stop us both from sneaking into each other's rooms at 3am, sneaking not just some darkened shower a$$, but the comfort of each other's arms. That didn't stop us from confiding in each other, and it didn't stop us from being brutally honest with each other. It didn't stop us from loving each other. Even if neither one of us was ready to commit. And our lack of commitment tore each other up. I'd cringe, and leave the house when he brought females home. He'd rant & rave to his friends when I disappeared for more then 12 hours, without knowing where I was.
sadat_x: and the thing with you & Trax...
me: oh man...
sadat_x: I could've gone to jail that night
me: sadat...
sadat_x: I had that thang on me that night...
It all went to shyt with Trax. Trax was a mutual friend. Trax was a homeboy. Trax, was...well...FINE. And I'd been pining for sadat_x for a coupla months, while he was out doing his thing. I SWEAR, Trax wasn't revenge, but worse - even though I knew that he & Trax were friends, I no longer gave a dayum. We never slept together, not in the biblical sense. But he spent one night in my room, with sadat_x not sleeping across the hall, and we talked. And there was some semi-nakedness. And what seemed (at the time) innocent & sweet (he talked about his girlfriend, and I whined about sadat_x) all came to a head when sadat_x broke into my room, and saw the semi-nakedness and lack of shame. That broke his heart, for the second time.
sadat_x: so, I know I have issues, and a lot of them have to do with the things we went thru
me: < me, laughing > ok, I'll grant you that. but I hardly see how a booty-call will help that shyt.
sadat_x: stop laughing, man - I'm being completely serious. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. baby-steps...
me: that's a step backward. I already hooked you up with one booty call...
my friend, fee-fee. She also has commitment issues, and when I introduced them, they were feeling each other. I figured, sadat_x & I were ancient history, and despite my attempt post-Trax to get at him, he wasn't having it. I'd burned 2 strikes, and wasn't getting a 3rd.
sadat_x: she doesn't count. I hit that too often - more than booty-call parameters define.
note: yes, there are booty call parameters. and yes, he said that.
sadat_x: so, are you gonna help me?
me: I gotta marinate on this. I want to, lawd knows you need it. But I hardly believe a booty-call will help.
sadat_x: you're my friend...
me: and you're dysfunctional as hell. Lemme sleep on it.
why am I even entertaining this? sadat_x and I are really good friends, and I know he's emotionally scarred, and I know I had a lot to do with it. What I don't know is what I can possbily do to fix that. It's been 11 years since the incident with Trax, and even though we have, er - diddled since then, it's been a good 6-7 years since even that. He's more than a good friend, he's like family. Like an ex-husband that I'm still really cool with. And although I do feel partly responsible - how in the world can I help him fix that?
Posted by saga_30311 at 10:26 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
March 13, 2005
the categories:: saga's got some 'splainin' to do...
yeah, there's a method to my madness. so to make the whole thing clear as fog:
- about me, sagaciously:: all personal stuff, all the time. what I'm thinking, listening to, etc.
- baconstraw:: sometimes, things just don't make no kinda sense. Like a straw made of bacon. And they're not supposed to.
- culture:: Have I seen any hot movies? Read a good book? Stared longingly at a Romare Bearden? You'll read about it here.
- current events:: If Halle decides to dump Michael Ealy, and he seeks solace in my arms, or I glance lustily at the latest felon to shut down Georgia's streets, yes - it'll end up here.
- hair - nappy that is:: nappiness for 5+ years and counting. read all the ups & downs here.
- motherhood:: I raise children, therefore I am.
- parties & bullshyt:: ok, I know you're thinking - wth? But 50Cent & the Game are involved in a shootout at a radio station, then later declare a widely publicized "truce"? Str8 bullshyt - you feel me.
- poetry:: I'm moving the old ones here, and writing some new ones. Feeback (+/-) is greatly appreciated.
- politricks:: I'm just a regular working-stiff, trying to make sense of political issues that affect me. This is usually a tricky business. Well, on an emotionally level I'm leery of politicians in general, so hence also the name.
- work:: ok, a caution - this category will be much lighter than the other ones. I can't HELP but write about it since it takes up 80% of my life, but the names wil be changed to protect the guilty.
A few more caveats - even though I'm a displaced Yankee, living in the hottness - Atlanta is all over this biyotch. I'm amazed sometimes how things go down, down hea - but that sentiment hits all categories, hence no one thang for Hotlanta. And yes, being African-American colors my perception of everything. So, all categories are painted in shades of blackness - some things more obviously than others.
Now that you've read the primer - go forth, and blogtiply. (Maybe I shoulda had a category for corn?)
Posted by saga_30311 at 10:23 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack