April 30, 2008
Obama Outraged by Rev. Wright
And this is a surprise?
I may be the dissenting voice in the Black Blogosphere, but not only am I not surprised and not disappointed - I can honestly say I expected this a couple of weeks ago.
I know a lot of people think Obama left Rev. Wright out to dry. Eh. They're grown, they're both in familiar waters, and they both have very different agendas. But this - this is politics.
We know Billary wouldn't just leave their friend hanging - they'd make his plane crash, yanno?
I may be jaded, but I'm trying to keep the bigger goal in mind. In my circle of colleagues, coworkers, friends, church members and listening audiences (Steve Harvey, Michael Baisden, Al Sharpton, Warren Ballentine and other talk radio listeners) - we agree with Wright....but what Rev. Wright said is Wright's (and a whole lotta other folks') battle. Obama has his own battle at the forefront now...and that is as it should be.
As Don Frederick of the LA Times said: "Obama really had no choice but to take this step.....And, more importantly, to what degree will the Wright controversy, given Obama's link to him, undercut his presidential bid?"
I hope this allows the campaign and conversations regarding the campaign, to return to the issues, and what's important for this country. The jaded in me has other thoughts....and I'm refusing to entertain them right now.
Posted by saga_30311 at 08:41 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 29, 2008
Hannity & Colmes defend Obama against Pastor Manning
I really was avoiding giving Pastor James David Manning any airtime, because I think his a$$ is batshyt crazy. And it's far from my intent to promote the carefully crafted YouTube rantings of someone so obviously trying to get their meager Internet shine on.
HOWEVER.
This dude went on Hannity & Colmes to defend his series of YouTube attacks on Obama. You can Google Pastor James David Manning to find his videos, and Hannity & Colmes have their own site on Fox (you already know how I feel about Fox). Bottom line is, I never thought I'd see the day that Hannity would defend Obama. Oh, and now - I know that mainstream America has seen that dude is batshyt crazy. Thanks H&C and Fox for showing the world this kid is a loon.
Shouts to Bossip.com and LiveSteez for the video below. FoxNews also has both Part 1 and 2 available.
Posted by saga_30311 at 04:21 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
March 28, 2008
The Day of Jerusalem’s Fall - Reverend Jeremiah Wright
I heard this on 3/25/08 on the Michael Baisden show. Apparently, Roland Martin made this available, and Michael Baisden played most of it in context, so people would understand exactly what Pastor Wright was saying. On the Michael Baisden show, the point was also made that the media's use of the sermon out-of-context was a targeted attempt to make the democratic campaigns about race.
I'm also ecstatic that it's posted on Roland Martin's website, and Anderson Cooper's CNN Blog . You can listen to the sermon below.
My thoughts: he's stating what many people felt, both immediately after 9/11, and now. America's foreign policy, particularly in areas were there are violent conflicts and American soldiers are deployed to protect American economic interests (not the "freedom" which we keep seeing raised and bandied about like the American Flag, every time patriotism is used to justify some shady military interference) is questionable at best. This isn't a revelation, and I'm glad someone intelligent, articulate and with enough clout to pull the listening ears of some masses said it. What is even MORE interesting to me (and this is a whole 'nother blog post) is that whenever an entity, with any social capital/clout, questions the American government, American military actions, or the validity of America's foreign policy, et. al. - they're tarred and feathered as Anti-American and un-patriotic.
I keep wondering when the 187th Amendment was added to the Constitution: Thou Shalt Not Question American Authority?
Posted by saga_30311 at 10:48 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 21, 2008
Fox on Fox: the Obama bashing should stop
I'm glad another Fox newscaster called Fox & Friends on this.
Watch Brian Kilmeade walk off the set of Fox & Friends in frustration as his co-hosts Gretchen Carlson and Steve Doocy pick apart Obama's speech, and repeatedly rerun the "typical white person" comment from that speech, out of context:
Then, Chris Wallace calls them on the "excessiveness" of them rerunning that portion of the speech, and talks about how they keep clipping it out of context. Read the sound bite 3 times? Come on....when your fellow newscaster chides you about being unfair ON AIR and ignoring more newsworthy, relevant stories - you know you've not only crossed a line...you erased it.
Posted by saga_30311 at 11:10 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
March 20, 2008
Counting the Campaign Cash?
Wanna know where your hard earned political contributions are going?
AND
more importantly - where they're coming from? Check out:
Click the graphic to head to Open Secrets website. Interesting contributors.....
Posted by saga_30311 at 03:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 19, 2008
The Marriage Cure
In 2003, The New Yorker published an article from Katherine Boo (of New America), which discussed "The Marriage Cure", as a possible cure for poverty. You can read the full article here: "The Marriage Cure". A warning that this post is Panama-length, but it's worth it. Trust me.
Some background:
Oklahoma has rarely found itself in the vanguard of antipoverty thinking, but the class to which the two women were heading embodies a vigorous new idea -- something known locally as "the marriage cure." Traditionally, singleness has been viewed as a symptom of poverty. Today, however, a politically heterodox cadre of academics is arguing that singleness -- and particularly, single parenthood -- is one of poverty's primary causes, for which matrimony might be a plausible tonic. For the past few years, the state of Oklahoma has been converting this premise into policy. In an initiative praised by the Bush Administration, which aims to seed marriage-promotion programs nationwide, the state has deputized public-relations firms, community leaders, and preachers (among them the pastor at Holy Temple Baptist Church) to take matrimony's benefits to the people. Last summer, that marriage drive reached Sooner Haven. "Come learn about relationships!" said the recruiter who knocked on the housing project's beat-up doors.
And more (a passage that hits way too close to home):
Her husband had remarried six months after the divorce; Corean had had one second date in twelve years...One unacknowledged consolation of struggling in the inner city is the lack of time one has to indulge romantic discontent. It was letting go of her children, more than losing her husband, that had caused the Reverend Doctor Mom to notice that she was alone.
and more:
As Orlando Patterson, of Harvard, a scholar of black marriage patterns, recently observed, African-Americans remain "among the most un-partnered and estranged individuals in the world."
and even more:
From this counseling, Pastor Young has come to share the belief of many marriage-initiative advocates: that men more than women need convincing on this point. Thus he sees it as an unhappy but unavoidable fact that women are this social policy's beasts of burden. Having already complied with social and economic pressures to work, poor women were now being asked to do something that their government had so far failed at: push their male counterparts into the cultural and economic mainstream.
whew. Ok, the background is set, so I can delve into my thoughts. Meanwhile, you really should read the entire article. Katherine Boo's writing really illustrates not only what is right and wrong with these programs, but a robust portrait of what poverty in post-welfare reform affected areas (Oklahoma, South Georgia, etc.) really looks and feels like.
My thoughts after the jump...
I came through the door, and said it before:: It's imperative to our community to fix our relationship issues. The marriage-initiatives provide another reason why: to combat poverty. And whether you think it's a holdover from an organized plot formulated and executed by the government, or a symptom of a shift in overall societal values that hit the African-American community a bit harder, it's beyond dispute: we as a people aren't getting married. Hit the archives above if you want more info. But the article either explicitly or implicitly states some important points that I'd like to revisit:
Black Men & Marriage:: getting women to the table for this discussion is the easy part. It's the menfolk that need convincing. After all, "Marriage is for White People". Ask black men why they aren't getting married, and they'll say having grown up in single parent households, they have no examples of the benefits of marriage, the don't understand the spiritual significance of marriage, it's impact on raising children and they fear that one woman can't satisfy all their needs.
Don't get me wrong. Marriage definitely isn't a cure-all.
economics, the Chicken or the Egg?:: The article illustrates other reasons, that fall under one umbrella: economics. If you're at a bus stop, and a guy is hitting on you, the two of you getting hitched ain't gonna put the two of you in a Lexus. We need jobs, we need an education, we need equal access to reasonable credit instruments, we need...a whole lot of other economic "things" to get us back treading water. But did we get swept away by economic forces that forced us to not get married, or did we not get married, so that economic forces hit us harder than most? Steven Ruggles and Catherine Fitch, of the Minnesota Population Center, completed a 2005 study that discusses part of this paradox. The results weren't conclusive, and more investigation was suggested - the chicken vs. egg paradox remains. Their study includes some graphics that show how dramatic the marriage decline in our community really was/is, and also how women were hit a bit harder (interracial marriage). I uploaded an abbreviated version of their presentation for those with a short attention span.
marriage as a panacea:: that's cure-all in laymen's terms. On first, second and third readings, it sounds like the equivalent of putting Neosporin on a broken arm with an infection. Maybe it'll cure some of the infection. Maybe it'll make some of the pain dissipate. But it won't set the arm, and it won't heal the arm, and it won't get rid of all the problems associated with said arm. Marriage won't "fix what's broke". So when reading about healthy marriage initiatives, and govenment progams/policies to promote them, I have an eye out on what other programs or policies are also being implemented to "fix what's broke". Our community needs economic programs in tandem with this.
Hows-n-ever - I've had numerous professors, both of the Social Sciences departments and even in B-school, profess the benefits of marriage. Most recently, a professor tied the success of entrepreneurs, particularly the truly "wealthy", to their marital status. The hypothesis there is simple (and a lil "hood"): "chasing p*ssy is expensive and time-consuming...and the cash/time you save as a married entrepreneur can be better invested in your budding business". No empirical data here, but it sounds like common sense. And that's where I stand as far as marriage is concerned....I don't think it's a cure all, but when applied properly...it helps.
A recommendation: If you want reasons why you should get married, the Institute for American Values provided a report on "The Consequences of Marriage for African Americans" (including a pseudo top ten list), which is detailed here. But I'll give you just the list (sans details):
- Marriage clearly appears to promote the economic, social, familial, and psychological well-being of African American men and women.
- While both Black men and Black women receive a marriage premium, this premium in most cases appears to be larger for men.
- Economically, marriage appears to benefit Blacks more than Whites.
- Overall, Black women appear to benefit from marriage substantially less than do White women.
- Black-White differences in marital quality seem to constitute an important reason why Black adults, and particularly Black women, typically benefit less from marriage than do Whites.
- Parental marriage produces important benefits for African American children.
- Parental marriage appears to be especially important for the well-being of young African American males.
- # In some areas, Black children seem to benefit more from parental marriage than do White children, whereas in other areas, the reverse is true.
- The reasons for some apparent racial differences in the consequences of marriage for children are not clear, and further research in this area is needed.
- For policy makers who care about Black America, marriage matters.
Posted by saga_30311 at 10:32 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
March 15, 2008
crazy as a Fox...news, that is.
what qualifies "news" outlets as legitimate? and who decides?
Up front & center:: I've got serious problems with Fox News. I always have. The fact that my employer keeps our TV's at work tuned to them 24X7 is only part of it.
I just don't understand how a news outlet, that has Geraldo Rivera as a political analyst, and features stories on babies with two faces, streams live coverage of Paris Hilton's prison release and analyzes the legitimacy of lawsuits by whether the plaintiffs are "hot" as a news outlet. I'm sorry - I just can't. But please tell me I'm not the only one.
My problem is that outlets such as Fox have created a slippery slope, spiraling downward to the lowest common denominator, and providing us with stories that appeal to our basest instincts. Fear, gossip, rumor, drama, sex, etc...etc...ad nauseum. And they're dragging "legitimate" outlets down with them....
This would be fine, were it not for their exhaustive coverage of real news topics, such as politics, the elections, major trials, etc. Political Bias aside (although it's REALLY HARD TO SWEEP THAT ASIDE) I have a really hard time stomaching their reporters cover legitimate stories, such as the Elliott Spitzer story, the Ferraro-Clinton fiasco and the Obama-Wright drama. Hell, IMHO, their "reporters" are less reporters, and more "television personalities", no more fit to report on the news or opine on current events than you or I. So is ratings the goal, the ultimate name of the game, and the watching/listening public gets to be bombarded with sensationalized BS for the sake of profits? Yes, in Fox's case, it seems so.
Their reasoning? We report....you decide.
GTFOHWTBS.
"Baby Girl Born With Two Faces Worshipped as Reincarnated God." <<< I've decided...that shyt is real National Enquirer-ish.
Posted by saga_30311 at 07:55 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 13, 2008
Keith Olbermann on Hilary Clinton & Geraldine Ferraro
W.O.W. I have no words [/endGlee]
ok, I do have one. DAAAAAAMMMMMMNNNNNN.
Posted by saga_30311 at 07:17 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Bulls and bears: School promotes financial literacy
I find creative ideas for accomplishing typical & atypical goals, pretty darn attractive.
Now, how attractive is this story from the Chicago Tribune, about giving 1st graders $20K to invest in the stock market?
The Ariel school is an experiment in financial literacy with real-life oomph: Each incoming first-grade class gets $20,000 that the children ultimately get to pick stocks for and manage. The goal is to add an I -- investing -- to the three R's, according John Rogers Jr., chairman and CEO of Ariel Capital Management, the Chicago-based money management firm that established the school in 1996.At a time when pensions are being phased out and people must rely more on their own investment smarts, Rogers thinks saving and investment should be an integral part of the curriculum at schools across the country.
Experts say easy credit, aggressive marketing and the dizzying array of financial products and cashless spending options have led many American consumers astray, making it more essential than ever for kids to learn about money.
Iowa State University professor Tahira Hira, a member of the newly formed President's Advisory Council on Financial Literacy, is among those advocating that personal finance be required teaching at every elementary school.
Suddenly, HIlary's $5,000 baby bond is so much more attractive.....Give it to the kids (not the parents) and in 1st grade, let them learn how to manage it. Interesting....
Posted by saga_30311 at 12:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 10, 2008
Black Love w/a Side of Ribs
I have a new favorite thing. I stumbled across this recipe for BBQ Spaghetti, and came across the cutest, cookingest couple. Down Home with the Neely's airs Saturdays at 11 a.m. Eastern and Pacific time on Food Network, and Pat & Gina are my two new favorite Food Network personalities. They seem so sweet, I could get a cavity watching the show - except when Gina puts Pat in check. Then I know they're "keeping it real", even as they dish up some good down-home cooking, and some wisdom about their relationship, their business and what keeps their extended family together.
aside:: why do I like it so much when Gina puts Pat in check, hm?
Anyway, the recipes (Spicy Fried Wings, Roasted Cornish Hen with Creamed Collard Greens, Memphis Style BBQ Ribs, et. al.) are serious business. But what keeps me tuning in is that these two seem to have a genuine admiration and adoration for each other that comes across in all their interactions. I don't need much more incentive than this to watch The Neelys. And I love black love, don't you?
Posted by saga_30311 at 08:48 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
February 26, 2008
a gift, from me to you
Note: this is NSFW
Reh Dogg - "True Love Never Dies"
...you can thank me later.
Posted by saga_30311 at 09:01 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
February 25, 2008
my people {we got to do better}
shouts to jam Donaldson at HGM for the {we got to do better} line....
ok, here it is in a nutshell: yes, we are (still) a Hot Ghetto Mess. But what are we gonna do about it?
campaign2008 & our reasons for our choices:: I've got real issues with people's anti-intellectual reasons for picking their candidate. And I'm putting myself on blast. Prior to me doing my election "homework", I was entertaining Clinton. I originally thought, given our current state of race relations, that Americans would turn out in droves to vote against Obama, hence not wanting to throw away my vote. Silly me. I've since read their platforms, watched the primaries (starting with NH and IA), watched the debates, and decided based on the issues, to support Obama.
Now, it's a long minute later - and I still hear my people saying ig'nant things like: "I don't want to vote for Obama 'cause they'll shoot him in office, and I don't want him to get killed", "I think he's related to Sadam Hussein", "I'm voting for Obama 'cause he's black", "I'm voting for Hilary because she's a woman", or "I'm voting for ______ because __________ endorsed them (insert pundit/so-called-leader's name there)". Ok, seriously - it's time for us to get off our collective a$$es, do some homework, and make our own decisions, for real. It's 2008 - we're well into the information age - the platforms, senatorial voting records and their stances are readily available. We need to stop being quite so sheep-like, so that all parties (Repub, Dem, Libertarian, Green, etc - and the pundits who love them), and the non-parties (random pundits who won't commit to a "party"), all take our votes more seriously.
aside:: I'm really tired of candidates being able to pander to the "urban voter" in general by either appealing to, or by manipulating, their emotions.
punditry beef:: Baisden v. Frank Ski? Tavis Smiley vs. Obama? We barely got pundits and access to airwaves, and they're already going at each other, or our "leaders", not over issues or opinions, but because they got "snubbed" or "shouted someone out" or forgot to "shout someone out". Are you friggin kidding me?
ClayCo Board of Ed & Kwame Kilpatrick:: or when keeping it black goes wrong. If you haven't heard about Clayton County's Board of Education, the quick & dirty is that the entire school system is facing a potential loss of accreditation, due to corruption ethics violations, ineptitude, and policy violations. You can click here for more information. This means students and teachers, as well as administrators records would be "wiped clean". Students wouldn't be eligible for scholarships, and their acceptance into colleges would be in jeopardy. Staff would lose their certifications and employment history, of the timeframe of the board's tenure.
and Kwame?:: Well - the "hip-hop" mayor, amongst other things, is accused of: "allegations of marital infidelity involving his chief of staff, lawsuits, and an investigation of perjury. Kilpatrick could could be disbarred, sentenced up to 15 years in prison, and forced to resign as mayor. The controversies have prompted an ethics probe investigation, and a recall election campaign to have Kilpatrick removed from office." Excerpts of his text exchanges with his chief of staff are all over the 'Net, and his wife's leased Navigator is appearing as the Red Flag & last straw for his frustrated constituency. Read more here.
the talented tenth:: It's not enough, in 2008, that we should want black representation in all areas of life: media, politics, government - both local and national, industry, etc. We should want our leaders, the "talented tenth" of which DuBois so elegantly wrote, to be not only influential leaders throughout the world, but also beyond reproach. Or at least approaching moral excellence.
it's not enough that our leaders should be black. They should be qualified to lead, and possessing character traits that can inspire us as a people: honesty, integrity, fortitude
Too often, we're so desperate to see ourselves duly and dutifully represented, that we let shyt slide.
they do it, so why...?:: should we be held to a higher standard, you ask? Because the playing field has never been level, and will not be getting flat any time soon. Because the bar is higher for us. Because there is a black tax, and because we are all well aware of it. Because we are well aware that when we "do what they do", the scrutiny is much more intense. Because our two steps back takes not only us (as individuals) back, but also us (as a people). Because there is backlash. And because we deserve, like any other race, to prove our merit. To show we can be qualified, and can do a good job, and be considered based on merit. Not just because we're black. And because the exceptions (like the ClayCo commission or Kwame) shouldn't be the measure of those that are performing to or outperforming expectations. We're not shooting for mediocrity here - the goal isn't the best of the average. We should want to excel. All of us. We should want to do better.
back to campaign2008:: which is what I find so fascinating about the Obamas. So far, they are those people. "Grace under fire", "eloquence", "elegant', "of outstanding character", "grace under pressure" have become so clichéd, that they're more likely to appear in the title of a sitcom, than a description of a political candidate. But the Obamas are that. As i watch Michelle withstand attacks about her patriotism, which I'm sure is very personal to her, and Barack address charges of plagiarism, rumors about his religious beliefs, shallowness and the transparency of his platform - these phrases are the ones that come to mind.
Yeah, I'm gushing a lil, but not trying to sway your vote. Look at them as black people, as African-Americans, as leaders, as icons. That, my friend - is what I find inspiring. Columbia U., Princeton U. and Harvard Law. Community activists. {apparently} Happily married and raising their children, together. And supporting their people the best way they know how, by setting an example.
You can find your own examples, but please - find them. My people... {we got to do better}
Posted by saga_30311 at 05:14 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 23, 2008
state of the {black} union
or what i'd like to term as why we can't just get along?
pre-post disclaimer: this has nothing whatsoever to do with "The Covenant with Black America" or the Tavis Smiley's impending State of the Black Union conference.
This does have a whole lot to do with the black union - marriage that is. Marriage, our communities and one of the things that I think is fatally flawed and working to our collective detriment.
We just don't seem to get along anymore. At all.
I spend a lot of time surfing. A LOT of time. I troll on a lot of "african-american" portals, skimming what's foremost in our minds and what hot topics are burning in our online communities. I also skim website outside our community, to see what we're presenting to the world. So what's hot in the streets you ask?:
Black women are the biggest hoes on earth times 3000000Where are the NORMAL brotha's at???
ARE BLACK WOMEN THE MOST SHALLOW WOMEN OF ALL THE RACES?
why are you strong black women chasing strong black men to other races?
DO MEN REALLY WANT A WOMAN WHO HAS HIS BACK???
how do i get me a good white woman, like you other black brothers out there
Black men who went Barbie white now back to Quashanda or Barbie Black
*dryheaves* ok, sorry - but most of these 'forums' have that effect on me. I promise I didn't cherry pick those titles/topics.
More under the cut...
To say that this saddens me is a gross understatement. When I consider the "state of the black union" it's these titles that come foremost to my mind. What union? The more I read those titles, the more it seems like at least a compound fracture (mending is a challenge), and at most - a full blow secession.
We're divided as a community on many, many topics and in many, many areas (politics, social justice, unemployment, economic stability, class, education) - but this one area IMHO is fundamental to making progress.
The family:: as a unit - IMHO - is the building block upon which our community is founded. No family unit = community in disarray. Think about our history as a people - the family was the pillar of our financial strength. Pooled money = solution to a lack of financial instruments (credit) that we were denied as a people. Pooled resources = broadened access to resources that were unavailable to us. The support that this unit brings helped us overcome adversity, focused our efforts and strengthened our self-regard. Our families, immediate AND extended, where were we talked shop, ironed out our differences, determined our politics, goals, vision and where we turned when external forces either oppressed us, or failed us.
And now?:: we appear to truly hate us. Only a strong self-hatred embedded in a whole lot of us would fuel so MANY discussions about how sorry we as a people are. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of self-analysis and self-criticism, when done constructively. Calling black women "hoes", "shallow" and stating they're "forcing you to turn to white women" isn't constructive, obviously. Calling black men "trifling", "sorry" and "abnormal" isn't constructive either.
We pass around emails about the Willie Lynch letter, the purported speech that initiated our self-hate, based on color, caste and the emasculation/subjugation of black men. The truth of the letter (whether it's fact/fiction) remains a mystery. However, the letter, real or fake, is of little import, given what we continue to spread at this point. It's a disease. The cause is beyond significance now - now we need a treatment plan.
a non-Black perspective:: I asked a friend/colleague, who is from another country, what they thought about the topics above. His response had two main points: a) the person who'd start such a discussion probably has mental health issues, and b) the internet creates a lot of false courage and anonymous posturing. Both true and valid points, but what about the offline discussions that mirror these ideas? And the people who carry these ideas unspoken within? Same sickness, no cure? He mentioned that many countries have the same issues, but the solutions are different - but that in a "developed", "civil" country, he'd expect more.
My thoughts:: are that for all the discussion about progress, and demanding equality, we've got major healing to do in our own house. This may not be the sole starting point. In looking externally for justice, equality, rights, etc - are we overlooking the mess that's accumulating in our own backyards?
I've said this before, and I'll say it again - yes, Divorce rates climbed thru the 1970's - then they plateaued, and have remained pretty flat since. But the marriage rate in the african-american community is declining. You can find the stats from the Census bureau, or Google black marriage statistics, and find a whole slew of "chicken first of egg first?" discussions about why we're not getting married. Poverty? Unemployment? Crime & Jail Terms? Is it these reasons that cause the decline in marriage, or does not being married cause these? *shrugs* Both and either. I know I'm a lot less inclined to rob a bank and risk my good gub'ment job because I have a family.
The problem with our unions (at this point) isn't that we're getting divorced. The problem is that we're not even attempting to get married...not attempting to create that unit. Some of "us" are opting to not even associate with "us". We're throwing up our hands, throwing in the towel, not wanting to be bothered. There is a part of me that thinks: "g'on then - that's another brotha/sista that we don't need around muddying up the collective". But that's just me not "getting along" either.
The state of our union, my friends, isn't a problem that we can keep ignoring.
Posted by saga_30311 at 07:50 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 30, 2007
washing my hands of black men
That's a strong statement, isn't it? I wrote this about a 8/11/07 ago, with the following opening sentence:
I haven't written about my lovelife in a while, because there hasn't been a reason to. It's been pretty much non-existent.
I sat on this post for a while, as I tried to regain my train of thought on the matter. Why did I write this? And why am I revisiting it.
why I wrote it? My lovelife over the last 8-ish years has been a series of unfortunate events. Lots of first and second dates, followed by heavy-handed attempts at my goodies, which inevitably triggers my frustration and eventual dismissal of the applicant in question. Hm, no surprises there. And I've considered throwing in the towel on dating on many occasions. Matter of fact, I have thrown in the towel on a few of those. But I've never completely thrown in the towel on my brethren. So why now? What triggered my frustration to the point where I want to say F*ck the entire lot of them?
*thinking outloud* Hm, it couldn't have been that relationship I ended, because we're still friends. My cyber boyfriends have been treating me decent. There was that one needy brother that called me rude and ignorant, because I was too busy to answer his phone calls - but that shouldn't have been enough to warrant barring brothers completely.
Most of my exes or potential dates end up being friends. Not true anymore...I just had a friendship go down in huge flames this weekend. And he was as rude, ignorant and controlling as the other guy accused me of being.
But now that I think about it, what's my role in this whole equation? I mean, there are a whole LOT of frogs out there, but the problem's not always them. It could be me. I could be the princess sleeping wrong on the pea, yanno? Let's do a lil self-examination to see what I'm contributing to these unfortunate events.
My problem? Well - there's a list:
- my high standards - is it unrealistic for my educated (multi-degreed), ambitious, intelligent, beautiful behind to demand my equal?
- my weight/health - I need to work out, eat better and lose weight. To the tune of 100 lbs.
- my schedule - what brother's going to fight my unending list of roles for my attention?
- my insecurities - I fluctuate between complete diva and candidate for "Can't get a date" which seems a little schizo
Let me just say, before you start refuting my short list, that I know my self-worth. I'm a realist, and an MBA after all - so I know that my value proposition has merit. My value prop (and the answer as to why I'm "washing my hands") is after the jump.
What I'm bringing to the table:: My proverbial value proposition:
Yeah, I'm bringing a lot of things that men want, and some bonus things (a lil financial stability, some book-knowlege, and some very ambitious goals that I'd like to achieve) as well. So...is the problem just me? Or them? Or both.
mrRight:: I remember now - it was the "Perfect" guy. The proverbial one that got away. He was the jump off as to why I wanted to throw in the towel. See, I met this guy...and he fulfilled every requirement on the mental list of requirements I keep and use to look for in a potential mate. Not just the ones that would make a date decent, but the ones that make for a potential life partner. Smart, funny, educated, intelligent, ambitious, goal-oriented, compassionate......and he wasn't interested in me at all. Well, a lil - but not enough to get to date #2.
I wasn't so much discouraged after this, as I was focused on getting myself together in preparation for meeting Mr. Right, part deaux. Because I wasn't ready for mrRight, and if I came across another guy like him...I wanted to be ready.
andNow:: Now I am discouraged. I'm frustrated. I'm disappointed. I'm bitter. I'm jaded. And I'm disgusted. Both at myself for allowing certain men to treat me badly, but also at those men for being rude, disrespectful, demanding, controlling, and just...angry. Angry at me for every thing I've accomplished..pissed about my degrees, pissed at me about my job, and just trying their damnedest to minimize me, to turn down my shine, so that they could take advantage of me. Yes, this pissed me the *F* off. I love black men, don't get me wrong. But I'm really f*cking tired of searching for reasons to like them.
I'm done. F*ck them. I've been out here like Diogenes, searching for an honest man. But F*ck it, I'm done.
*licks thumb and fingers, and puts the light out*
ETA: more random thoughts on the matter......
The most common denominator is me, of course. But other than that - these men have issues with women and control, and issues with women who are independent. It's funny, because that seems to cut across education, intellect, background, regional differences, career, etc. There are exceptions, of course - but the one thing I'm finding most common is that they feel threatened/rejected/frustrated by black women who have their shyt together, and threatened/rejected/frustrated by the overall culture in which we all dwell. I hear them complain about marriage being a form of financial bondage, or that women in general are all confused by their financial independence and won't let a man "take his proper place as the head of the household", or that black women undermine men, or are always beating black men up, or are too busy for a "real" relationship or to be supportive to his goals, or ....they're just not interested in commitment, because there are "too many single women out here to just settle down with one". I think that sums up most of the generalities.
myExpectations:: I don't expect anything up front, other than to hang out and have a good time, and get treated with respect. But in a lot of cases, I get disrespect. Completely stood up, or attacked about my schedule and finishing school, accused of cheating (? I'm not in a committed relationship, so I don't even know how that's possible?) or lying about studying, attacked for being too headstrong / independent....etc. I've even argued (heatedly discussed) whether it's feasible for a woman "like me" (black, over 40, never married, with kids) to expect to get married, given the "statistics" about the number of black men in jail, on the DL, already married, etc.
I keep meeting men with ISSUES - gigantic, Louis Vuitton footlocker baggage, and their entire goal seems to be to meet women, denigrate them, then use their exposed insecurities to manipulate them. And when I call these men on their BS - I'm a bytch who will never find someone who lives up to my expectations.
Dating just isn't fun anymore. I don't have any desire to "cross over to the other side"....So - I'm taking some time off, before my frustration becomes a healthy dislike for the object of my affection - namely the black man.
Posted by saga_30311 at 01:28 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
August 06, 2007
Day 2 - Salavador Univ and AmCham
So yes, this is a study abroad class, and most of our days are focused on schoolwork, which is really about getting background information about the countries and companies we're visiting, and the people of the area. My second MBA concentration is in International Business, so the goal of the trip is to gain a wealth of knowledge about the international business environment, and issues impacting these areas.
AmCham:: For Day 2, we walk over to the American Chamber of Commerce in Argentina. We're greeted by the Adminstrative Director Eduardo Alsado, who gives us an overview of the business and economic perspective, and discusses how AmCham encourages foreign direct investment into Argentina by providing services to both Argentine firms and American investors. It was an interesting presentation, and an excellent preface for company visits we have planned for the remainder of the week. The AmCham building also offered a beautiful view of Avenue Viamonte - there are more pics on Flickr.
Universidad del Salvador:: we then had lunch, and then traveled to the Universidad del Salvador, which has a relationship with Georgia State's business school, so students from both schools benefit. The college is in a beautiful stucco building in downtown Buenos Aires, with tradtional tile and ironwork accents, and an open courtyard in the middle. We're greeted by the Dean of the Social Sciences department, Eduardo Suarez, who along with Associate Professor Michael Segundo, they present background material (history, economics, etc.) and put this into a social context. The summary for those unfamiliar is that Argentina was a developentally leading Latin American country through the 1990's, drawing many Europeans down to settle here. However, due to many factors including their pegging their currency to the American dollar, financial management, and political instability, they suffered a severe economic crisis in 2001. Today, their economy is recovering, but signs of the crisis are everywhere, and the impacts are still being felt. If you want more information, wikipedia is a decent source.
We spend the evening checking out the shopping in Avenue Florida, which i'll save for another time, since some interesting things happened there this week, and I've gotta leave you with something to look forward to (even when I'm blogging 5 days later). More posts in a bit....lol
Posted by saga_30311 at 08:53 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 02, 2007
2&1/2 days...cellphoning
Yeah, after having made 6-7 phone calls to get this all straight, the cellphone tips are post worthy.
International roaming is the ultimate hustle, and TRUST ME pays your cellphone provider WAY more than your little monthly bills. Here's the breakdown of how myCellPhoneProvider* gets you:
- roaming: applies to all calls - incoming, outgoing AND calls rolled to voicemail. If you get a call AT ALL, you get charged for 1+ minute. Even if you add a plan (such as I did), there's still a pay-per-use fee (albeit reduced) on top of the flat rate for roaming. And even if you don't add a plan for international roaming...YOU STILL HAVE TO NOTIFY YOUR PROVIDER YOU'RE TRAVELING, or your phone simply won't work.
- text messages: international text messaging is NOT included in text messaging bundles. And is $.50/msg. Unless you add a bundle...
- internet access: can you say - not bundled? It's a pay-per-use charge (mine's $.0195/KB) and given my having Gmail, Yahoo Mail, Yahoo IM, etc installed on my phone, I use data heavily.
- calling CustomerService: make sure you get their International Customer Service number before you leave, or else you will get hit with the roaming AND long distance charges for the call.
Let's say it all together now...nicccccce! The charges have already started to accrure before you even leave home. But here's the kicker...you may be inclined to try other options while you're out of the country. Two suggestions:
- rent-a-phone:: yes, you can rent a burner while you're there. However, I've heard the cost is like $50-75/day, on top of the long distance charges.
- callingCard:: but you still need a line (landLine?) to use it.
- internationalSimCard:: yes, you can buy a SIM card in the local country, but you a) have to have your CellphoneProvider unlock your phone b) they won't do it if you've been behind in your bill the last 90 days (*smiles, embarrassed* - which I'm always late paying) and c) may not work based on your phone's model, and the available cellphone networks where you're traveling.
Again, say it with me now - niccccccccce! Ok, I gotta go - need to email my entire contact list to tell everyone NOT to call me unless it's an absolute emergency. Maybe I should just turn the dayum phone off.
Posted by saga_30311 at 11:08 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 25, 2007
Knowing when to let go....
It's hard sometimes, I know - but sometimes you just have to throw in the towel...
Ok, no - this is not about me ending the blog. Although, I've been so busy lately the thought has crossed my mind. But no - this isn't necessarily about me, although it applies. It just seems like we (as people) hold on to things/lovers/friends/family/connections much longer than we should. And sometimes we (as women) hold on even longer because we're nurturers. And beyond that we (as black women) stick around even beyond reason, because when faced with all the hardships that being a black woman presents to us in this world, holding on to 'something', even when that 'something' is toxic, provides the only sense of stability in an otherwise crazy world. So we keep things waaaay past their expiration date.
and why are we friends, again?:: I had this friend, let's call her Faith. Faith and I became friends because we had a common enemy: Drama. We confided in each other, talked about said Drama, and became each other's shoulder to cry on. When Faith needed help, I had her back. I kept her secrets, and she kept mine. Seems functional, yes? No. The problem was the only thing Faith and I had in common WAS Drama. Our values were different, and so were are backgrounds, our morals - the most important parts of our character were dramatically different. Faith was Yin and I was Yang, and it balanced....for a while. But after a while, her Yin started working my nerves, and my Yang started pissing her off, and we had disagreements about silly little things - silly little things that alluded to much bigger issues. Secrets not really kept. Reciprocity. A friendship that suddenly appeared to be a lot less valuable than it actually was. We finally had a blow out fight, and I told Faith what she could do with her Yin. But really...we both knew that our friendship was tenuous at best, and the fight was unnecessary. We should've moved on long before that....
theFamilyAffair:: I am so NOT the person to subscribe to the whole "but they're family" adage, but I'll try. We should expect our families to look out for one another. We should expect our morals, values and backgrounds to be similar. We should reasonally expect to be able to get along, and when we don't, we should reasonably expect to be able to resolve our differences without violence, and without creating family rifts. But - if you steal from me and my kids, all bets are off. If you're "on that stuff" and lying to me regularly - I'll holla at you when you work that out. I'm more than willing to give my family more leverage, to do some crazy shyt, but there's always a point where you have to draw the line, and then not cross it. I have a nephew that I grew up with, that I love DEARLY, and would love to see as we speak. However, his crack problem ended his relationship with his mom, and therefore - ended his relationship with his family. We'd welcome him with open arms when he recovers, but until then....you feel me.
theGig:: or what should be more commonly referred to as theDeadEndJob. This is the job that you HATE going to everyday, the one that makes you cringe/sneer/consider violent behavior on the way in to work; and the one that makes you drink/do drugs on the way home. Even if it pays, here again - it's not worth it if it makes you miserable. I should know. Hint, hint. But *ahem* back to the subject at hand, always have an exit strategy, and if you hate it - Just Bounce. And bounce with a plan, don't just bounce to the next DeadEndJob. I have too many friends to name that let their immediacy (need for $) dictate their long-term career goals. Yes, we all need to eat in the short-term, but meanwhile - we all need to also consider the long-term when working on the exit strategy. Don't make the job that you hate your career.
Mr. Wrong:: chile, why do we give the men in our lives more leverage than ANYBODY? If a friend lies to us, we bless them out. If a family member steals, we stop speaking to them. But if our MAN doggs us out, we may curse them out, throw things at them, even put them out of the house...all with the idea in mind that at some point, we will forgive them and move on. Why? Isn't the most important relationship we need to preserve (after the one with G'd) between us and our integrity? Why would we put some guy before that?
Kick that sorry brother completely to the curb. No "let's be friends" afterwards, no entertaining sorry excuses or dealing with post-breakup drama. If you're sure the relationship is over - then let it be over and leave it at that.
Don't get me wrong, I'm the weakest link as far as this is concerned. But I'm vowing to do/be better about this.
a postscript:: Black men think that black women are ridiculously hard on them, and that their standards are too high. You should already know my feelings about this, but let me say it again - it's because we want them to do better. So yes, dump the sorry dude, and maybe he'll learn a lesson and improve. Or maybe not. But it's not worth your love, health, sanity, children's lives, your life, your heart, your soul - to fix a broken spirit. That's G'd's work.
a postscript on family:: it's hard for me to talk subjectively about family, because not only am I the black sheep, but I'm perfectly fine with it. Let's just say we're estranged (my family and me). Maybe I should talk about that one day....
Posted by saga_30311 at 01:56 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
July 12, 2007
The Heritage Orchestra
Does everyone have an official jam of the summer, like back in the day? Well, two of mine are from the Heritage Orchestra, and happened to be the background music for this introductory video - "Tell Me Stories" at the top, followed by my favorite song on this album, "Sky Breaks". That, and a lil bonus info about how the orchestra came about:
Now, theChaos is always putting me up on music, stuff she likes, brand new stuff, or just music she finds interesting. So much so, that I can barely keep up. This album came out in the Fall '06, and I just got it and started listening. And yes, I'm running it to death - running the grooves off the cd...lol. The whole album is well executed and wonderful to listen to, with some tracks sounding like a score, and others like pure jazz. But "Sky Breaks" to me is just joy, from the opening to the crescendo. And (the crucial part) - how often do you get to say: "yo, that dude on the xylophone? that kid is nasty with it, ok?"
Wanna buy it? Here it goes...
Posted by saga_30311 at 08:30 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
June 18, 2007
The Value in Devalue
Yes, we've been on this topic before, but let me succinctly revisit it with a twist. But first a question - why do brothas so often try to devalue me?
myValue:: Here I am in a nutshell: 41 years old single mom of 2 kids. I have 2 degrees, and I'm working on a third. The MBA is rare in my community. Along with that, I'm a homeowner, with a decent job, financial stability and career potential. I'm attractive, intelligent, witty, passionate, and can write a lil sumthin' sumthin'. I can also cook, clean, sew and change a tire. I dress my behind off, have pretty good taste in music. I can carry a conversation, am comfortable in any environment, and am a sex-tigress in the bedroom. I'm a nurturer, supportive, a cheerleader/motivator and loyal to a fault.
theDeValue:: if I point our to a brother that he can't meet me as an equal (see the cut list of characteristics above), then the reaction is to get defensive. And come out swinging. I got indicted today as a matter of fact, for focusing too much on material things, because I decided I wanted to end one of my casual friendship. But here's the tale of the tape:
| Me: | Dude: |
| Employed | Unemployed |
| Own Home | Apartment - losing within 30 days |
| Avoiding jail | 2 incarcerations within the last 30 days |
| Own car | Trying to get unlimited Breeze card |
| 2 ¾ degrees | GED |
I don't really have to go on. What I couldn't make dude understand, is that he's not offering me a damn thing. There was so much lack there, that nothing's appealing. When I tried to explain this to the guy - I got called out as superficial, judgemental, and materialistic - like so many other black people "like me". Whatever.
No, all my material things don't hold me and keep me warm at night. No, the little cheese I have doesn't make me happy. My happiness lies elsewhere. However, I have worked hard for my job, to raise my kids, for my education, career, house, car, etc - and I'm not about to minimize that so that a brotha can feel his own shine, just so he'll step to me. I'm not diminishing myself, or lowering my standards, to empower a man. I need a man who's already empowered to step to me.
theMoral:: of this short story is: if you have to devalue me to get you & I to be at the same level, the problem isn't me. It's you.
Posted by saga_30311 at 10:42 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 21, 2007
So simple then....
This really made me smile...
I may be romanticizing this time frame (yes, the 'good ole days" show my age), but can we go back to the days when a man could wear platforms, a jumpsuit and do high kicks, and no one questioned his sexuality? A singer can wear an ankle length skirt and keep her boobs covered, and still be sexy as hell? I am so missing Soul Train lines, and dancing, and seeing black people on TV who really seemed to like each other...
Posted by saga_30311 at 11:01 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
April 17, 2007
Don Imus & Rap in the Crosshairs
*sighs*
I'm going to try to tackle this one briefly, but I just can't keep ignoring this.
I don't care to comment on Dom Imus' comments, the response, his firing, etc. It's been overexposed, and as of today, it's a done deal. He was wrong, and he's suffered the consequences. My problem was never the word, but the feelings & emotions underlying it, and the fact that he felt as empowered to use that word, as Michael Richards did using the *N* words. Moving on...
What is this other deep-fried madness surrounding this issue? It's the rapper's fault? Are you f*cking kidding me?
Don't get me wrong - I have my own issues with the current state of hip hop. And I do understand that in lieu of our parents and our community raising and nurturing our children, the streets, the music and the sub-culture(s) are having their way with them, no doubt.
But you cannot convince me that Don Imus listened to Mims, and suddenly felt like he could use that phrase, and feel empowered doing it. GTFOHWTBS.
racial fundamentalismm:: as I alluded to before, was introduced to me by Dr. Michael Eric Dyson on his show, when discussing the Banning of the N-word as a result of the Michael Richards incident. The idea, is that we (black people, collectively) have/are allowed one fundamental "right" viewpoint, that we're supposed to adopt, support, and promote when it comes to the issues of race in this society - or face questions aboout race loyalty, and the desire for the betterment of our people. We should ALL want to ban the use of the *N* word. We should ALL want to ban the use of the *B* or *H* word. Yeah, right. The idea inhibits healthy debate of the issues that hit closest to home, and prevents creating viable solutions as a result of the forgone discussions.
I've heard Rev. Al Sharpton, Stanley Crouch, Steve Harvey, Rev. Jesse Jackson, NY Post columnist Michelle Malkins, Kansas City Star columnist Jason Whitlock, Bryan Monroe of the National Association of Black Journalists and Carol Swain of Vanderbilt University recently speak on the controversy, blaming the rappers for their derogatory language and creating an environment or culture that basically empowered/allowed the Imus incident to occur.
Again, GTFOHWTBS.
Can I go in a meeting, and tell my boss, that the spic faggot*** that is testing my application is a lazy beaner a$$hole***, and that if it weren't for my subscription to digital cable and the Comedy Channel or Sirius Radio I wouldn't feel like I could use that language? Right.
Don Imus knew better, just like Michael Richards knew better. But I don't even care to address the overall culture (at a societal level, outside the black community) that empowers anyone to say such things about people of color. My focus is on rap, and these "crosshairs' it appears to be in.
When Essence started Take Back the Music, and when Ebony ran articles also charging the industry to become more responsible, where was the punditry? When Spelman was protesting Nelly's appearance because of Tip Drill, despite the charitable nature of the event, where was the punditry. Right.
We need to clean up our act, not by banning words or blaming whomever. We need to educate and enlighten the musicians to make them want to become more creative, and lteach them the power and influence their words hold.
A a lover of un-censored hip hop and a proponent of creative empowerment, I have to play Devil's Advocate. Sure, go give Mims a hug, talk directly to Snoop, teach the brethren that the ripple the words are to them can/has caused a tidal wave. But do it because our community needs it, not to get a byline or press. And not to provide justification for Imus' behavior. Do it because that's the right thing to do, not because it's becoming popular to do so. Teach the listeners to demand more creativity, and less derogatory references to women. Demand that the entire industry (not just artists) portray women in a more responsible manner. And like Mapplethorpe's Piss Christ, let the viewer of the work, the audience, decide whether/not it has merit.
***ETA: I HATE that kind of language, but it was added to illustrate a satirical point. It truly wasn't meant to be offensive.
Posted by saga_30311 at 09:38 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
the Angry Black Woman, revisited?
If you're unfamiliar with what an Angry Black Woman is (or what she's perceived to be) you can read one characterization here: The Angry Black Woman
And my original response here: The Myth of the Angry Black Woman
Caught up? Already familiar? Good, let's move along.
I'll put it up-front - I'm not changing my stance, but I have a newfound understanding of this whole thing.
what happened?:: I spent some time with some black women. Online time, offline time, work time, school time, play time. No formal polls, no surveys, no solicited responses. I just listened for a while, to these women directly, as well as indirectly - by talking to my homeboys about their relationships, etc.
Guess what?
We can be f*cking brutal.
Not brutal in the sense of intentional cruelty - which is why I have such a problem with most men's articulation of the ABW syndrome. Most of the men I come across that speak publicly on the subject tend to lump ABW's in with the Romans, sending the Black Man into the Lion's Den. I mean brutal in the sense that Black women can be impossible to be around. Seriously. An example: one of my homeboys, a relatively innocent homeboy, got laid out by his girlfriend for an inappropriate relationship with a coworker. Laid out, publicly - neck rolling, loud voiced, cursing him out in front of his people laid out , ya feel me? Turns out this homeboy was completely innocent. Do you think that got him off the hook, though? No, his girl never truly apologized - her reasoning was that if he'd never put himself in the situation to be accused, she wouldn't have accused him. What the f*ck?!!!
Alright, I'm rambling. Let me give you some other examples.
getting ethnic:: BTW, that's a Jennifer Lewis line from a movie, but I'll be damned if I can remember which one (homegirl works her a$$ off). But here's the stereotype: it's the whole, eye & neck rolling, attitudinal, verbal dissection of an individual who is perceived to be wrong. Think Gabrielle Union in Deliver Us from Eva as well as Vivica Fox in Two Can Play That Game. The perception is that if you cross an ABW, there will be hell to pay.
The reality is that if you cross an ABW, there will be hell to pay. I've observed sisters, demure, well-intentioned sisters, blow the proverbial gasket, when they got pissed off. Over the slightest infraction. Dressing on the salad, instead of the side - they want to talk to the franchise founder. Negative feedback from their boss at work, they want to get physical with the boss (or let their brother handle it). Meeting goes off the agenda, or someone raises an issue that involves them, and they take it as a personal attack. Someone cuts them off in traffic, they want to run a *B* ova (oops, that would be me...).
And don't let a brother approach them talking out of the side of his neck - he will straight get sliced. I know. I've done it.
the Competition Continues:: between all women, and between black women in particular. I took an undergrad class a while back, "African-American Male/Female Relationships". One of the topics we tackled was the hyper-competition amongst all women, and black women in particular. In theory, our over-sexualized society objectifies us (women). In order to carve out our own identities (and to attract a suitable male), particularly as black women, we tend to become highly competitive(consciously/sub-consciously). This can/is expressed in many forms - a whole lot of which you can see when you turn on the TV. Think Rosie fighting Elizabeth on The View as well as Krystle and Alexis .
In reality, how often do you hear black women say "I don't have many female friends". Waaaay too often. I say it myself, sometimes proudly. But there's something inherently wrong with that. The hypocrisy, the phoniness, the back-biting, the crabs-in-a-barrel mentality, the "I'll take your man", the ultimately "mmph, giiirll"-ness of black women can be a whole lot to swallow.
Why are we so judgemental? Why are we so self-righteous? Why do we engage in 'racial fundamentalism' (thank you, Dr. Dyson for familiarizing me with that term)? Collectivism in and of itself isn't a bad thing. But we (ABW's) use it to not only instill strict moral values on ourselves and our collective community, but also as the barometer to which we measure our own, and each other's self worth. And we aren't all designed to measure up.
An example: I have another homeboy whose wife shares the same profession. Same credentials. Same education (even the same school). Same position at different organizations. Similar money. Similar background, traditional gender roles in a close-knit family. Problem is, wifey isn't having that - and she lets him know every chance she gets. She won't be the stay-at-home mom. Okay. She ain't cooking everyday. Okay. She has no interest in cleaning house after a long hard day at work. Fine. All those things can be managed as a couple, without impacting her career or their marriage. But homeboy is TRADITIONAL, as was she until she started making the $$$. They agreed on the life they wanted before her career, and now her career is impeding their ability to achieve that life. But he loves her, and supports her career. The line doesn't get drawn in the sand with her stances. The line gets drawn at her attitude. They're both pounding the corporate pavement, so how is it that he can leave that type A dude at work, but she can't? And if she can't - how long do you think homeboy will endure being the brunt of it when she gets home? She's demanding, and he...he's thinking about greener pastures. He simply doesn' t have any desire to compete with her in their own house.
thePerspective:: to give all this perspective, the thing is, given a choice - I don't know that I would date a black woman. I know some decent ones, some pretty ones, some fly ones, some down-to-earth ones. I gotta be honest - you don't actually want me to pay to get beat the f*ck up on a date, do you? And that's the barometer (real or perceived) from which some men (in general), and some black men (in particular) are operating. They just want to live, man - and to live/breathe/thrive without a whole bunch of drama.
I can understand that. Yes, I am one of them SBW's (strong black women) that happens to occasionally be an ABW. And yes, I tend to run on all 8 cylinders all the time (see the Cult of Type A post). And yes, it's hard as hell to go from 60mph (or 80mph) to 0 in 0.00000025 seconds. So, yes I am aggressive and yes, it is hard to switch. But that doesn't necessarily mean that any brother will stick around while I struggle to put on the brakes. And yes, that means when a brother says to me "I'mma need you to put away ya dyck...and ya balls" that along with giggling (that shyt still kills me it caught me so off-guard) I may not get offended, because I know exactly what he means.
I'm not saying the characterization (or caricature) of the ABW/Sapphire is correct. I'm just saying that I do get some of it. And on a personal level, I'm making the SBW and the need to be an ABW, less of a priority.
Posted by saga_30311 at 08:53 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack