...or why some of you lazy lions need to quit nibbling on mangy squirrels. This is based on a true story conveyed by my friend Aletheia Silcott, who gave a whole lot of thought to this whole Serengeti analogy - I love her for this. :-)
*inserts tongue semi-firmly into left-cheek*
I've been away for a while, dating, relating, socializing, living. It's been fun and an adventure. And with adventures, come....stories.
So here's the scenario: some friends of mine & I hit up a local sports bar to watch one of the playoff football games a few months ago. I join them late, and realize there's a bit of a ruckus at the bar. They soon catch me up, and it turns into a great analogy for the animals of the Serengeti. So allow me to paint the picture, illustrate this with inline references to the Animals of the Serengeti.
The story: My friends get there before I do - both are beautiful 30-somethings, with a focus on staying fit, as well as being career-oriented, upwardly mobile, traditional values/morals and for any brother they'd be an asset. A gazelle, if you will. Although they're open to dating, they really are at the sports bar to watch the football game -eye-candy is a bonus for them. So there they are, grazing and observing the goings-on in the dating wilderness (the Serengeti), and....
In walks a mangy squirrel. A visibly drunk 40+-something woman, with a blonde-streaked wig that was slightly askew, House of Dereon jeans that don't quite hide her muffin top, and her radar fully engaged in her search for a lion (didn't know that squirrels hunt, did'ja?). *author's note: My generation, I tell ya - some of us let that "30 is the new 20" Jay-Z lyric really go to our head.* She orders a drink, makes conversation with her bar neighbors, and then sets her sights on some sort of furry mammals at the other end of the bar - about 10 feet away. With her beer-goggles fully on, not sure she can even SEE the other end of the bar, but neverthelesss...she goes in for the kill. Or to at least acquaint herself with her future prey.
English: Grant's Gazelles (Nanger granti), Serengeti National Park, Tanzania (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
This is where it gets kinda interesting. My gazelle friends catch me up, as the mangy squirrel returns to her seat, with a drink that the "lion" has bought her. They'd had some time to chat and get to know each other, to procure drinks and (apparently) size each other up. Not sure if there was an agreement on who was prey, and who was going to be preyed upon, but nevertheless the seeds of a vibe are shared. She returns to her seat, downs the drink the lion procured for her, then...she....in...slow...motion...begins...to...sag... slowly...down...onto...the...bar... and......passes out. Head on hands, hands on bar. She did finish that drink first though. #trooper
Ever watch something like this go down, and think - did that just happen o.O? Me, my fellow gazelles that are next to her, as well as the bartender watch this slow-motion-pass-out in awe. No drink spilled, no falling on the floor. I gotta give it to the squirrel - she passed out as gracefully as a mangy squirrel could muster. The bartender, bar manager and staff kick into damage control mode. We get free shots from the bartender for our "inconvenience" - aptly named "the crack ho" in the mangy squirrel's honor". The bar manager attempts to wake her up, then he and some female staff members walk the mangy squirrel to the ladies room. Squirrelly is now insisting that she can drive home (uh, no can do) as the manager calls for paramedics and police.
All this activity leaves a barstool next to the gazelle crew open. And the other bar mammals observing. Including the lion-looking mammal at the other end of the bar, who notices the empty spot next to us and decided to come over. The lion-looking mammal introduces himself as a Dr. and proceeds to strike up a conversation. And buy us a round of drinks. And ignore the fact that the mangy squirrel is passed out on the ladies room floor with the paramedics checking on her and the police on their way. And ignore the fact that the drink he bought her was her tipping point. So, being a gazelle and observing the rest of the jungle animals thus far, my friend had to ask:
Gazelle: "So um...you're not concerned with your friend's condition at this point?"
Lion-like mamal: "Oh, you're talking about the woman that was sitting here before? I don't know her..."
Gazelle: "Wait, didn't the two of you just spend the last 30 minutes or so talking?"
Lion-like mamal: "She came over and introduced herself, but I never met her before in my life..."
Gazelle: "So, um...the fact that y'all were talking...and you thought enough of her to buy her a drink and continue the conversation doesn't play into her current condition at all? You don't want to check on her or anything...?"
Lion-like mamal: "Look, she's a grown woman, who should be able to handle herself. We talked, but she came over to me...I don't know her. It's bad that she's in there passed out, but the manager & paramedics are taking care of her...what more can I do?"
Gazelle: "Hm. Interesting" *sips the drink the Lion-like mamal bought for her.
The Lion-like mamal continued talking a bit about himself, complimented another of my friends, gave us his business card (yes, he's a Dr. for real), then proceeded to leave. He had to walk past the ladies room on his way out, but I'd be lying if I said he actually glanced towards the passed-out mangy squirrel.
Ever notice how much a hyena looks like a lion - when you have your beer-goggles on?
I'm sure Dr. Drink-procurer thinks he's a lion. He wasn't an unattractive brother, upwardly mobile, possibly affluent, educated, and I'm sure he's got all the accessories (house, car, income, etc) that all that affords. But it's funny how quickly a self-proclaimed "lion" can start resembling a hyena, once he bares his teeth - when his character is actually revealed. Is he actually a lion? Remains to be seen. However, at best - he was a lazy lion since he swatted that squirrel down & started gnawing on nit, before he realized how mangy it actually was...
Serengeti_2007 036 (Photo credit: El Toñio)
Animals in the Serengeti as a dating analogy? Even if you never really bought into the whole dating being akin to the hunting/gathering metaphors, the Serengeti analogy kind of works. Take an environment (the Serengeti - or a sports bar/nightclub/dating website/party/etc.). Add in the locals (wildlife if you will - whether it's animals in the Serengeti or humans interacting at a party). You'll come up with a cast of characters - some common attributes (they're all furry, warm-blooded and looking for...sustenance...lol). And some differentiators (what they're actually looking for - love - lust - breeding ground - prey). You can start seeing how the characters take on certain characteristics...beginning to resemble certain species. There are lions, tigers, panthers, cougars....gazelles & antelopes...zebras, giraffes, hyenas & dingos...bushrats and squirrels. All kinds of wildlife...lol. And some of those folks are a bit, er - confused about whether they're a predator or prey, and which type of predator they actually are ;-)
The moral to this story: Meh...there's isn't one...it's continuing to play out in social venues everywhere. Well, maybe if you're a lazy lion - or a hyena -you want to refrain from nibbling on mangy squirrels if you really want a gazelle (no self-respecting gazelle wants to deal with a lion that will actually eat a mangy squirrel). Or maybe you should figure out if your actions are that of a lion instead of a dingo. Or a mangy squirrel instead of a gazelle. Or....
...bump it. I'm suddenly hungry for some red meat...more later... *toodles* ;-)