July 30, 2006

the end of an era

DSC00062.JPG

notice anything different?

yep, that's permanent. as in perm. my hair is no longer natural (although it is all mine).

Y, U ask? The natural look wasn't doing much for me. Don't get it twisted, I like the look, feel, weight etc. of nappy hair, in general. And I rocked some fierce nappy styles, no doubt. But overall, it wasn't working for me anymore.

So, that pic above is my look, for now. Now being indefinitely. And while I do take the hair wars that seriously, and intimately understand how big a deal it is/was for me to be nappy, I did what I had to do as a natural haired woman. And I don't feel like I have anything to prove to anyone. No sell-outs here - it's a personal choice.

...but I'm sure this will inspire some interesting conversations at theGig. Stay tuned.

Posted by saga_30311 at 12:09 AM | Comments (10) | TrackBack

July 15, 2006

The Myth of the Angry Black Woman

don't believe the hype?:: Somehow, I missed the memo that this was a hot topic. Apparently, that memo went out to many major media outlets, and particularly the blogosphere. I googled the words "Angry Black Woman" and got back 35,700 hits. Not a lot, but definitely not a little. You can see some of the results here. Some are a little dated, but the perception/stereotype still persists.

ok, technically I got the memo, but I ignored it. Being an admitted Strong Black Woman, from a lineage of SBW's, I knew there was a connotation signifying also being an Angry Black Woman, but I chose to not take on that role. However, for many reasons (including DP's prodding me into reading some things that pissed me completely off), it seems I have to visit this subject again.

Yes, I said again. I skirted this subject a while back, but I apparently need to look at it from a different angle.

Angry Black Woman - the definition:: there are as many, as there are opinions about the subject. I guess the best I can do is try to create an accurate characterization: it's a woman, who through self-definition or circumstance deems herself to be independent and/or self-reliant, who admittedly will not tolerate any bullshyt, and who voices her opinions (according to some, whether she's qualified to, or not) about black men to anyone willing to listen. She's attitudinal, and negative, and happy to voice both at the drop of a topic. And she's got a network of sisterfriends validating her feelings, further fueling the negativity. She's bitter and fearful, and the two are a lethal combination both on a micro scale (for her potential to meet a suitable mate) and a macro scale (destroying the black family and subsequently the black community).

Alrighty then.

yeah, I qualify:: on many counts, not the least of which is my self-reliance or willingness to declare the sweeping generalization to anyone that listens an opinion which restates the obvious: black men have issues. Now, having said that, let me drop a huge caveat here: that opinion doesn't exempt anyone else (black, white, other, man, woman, other) from also having the aforementioned issues/opinions. So, I'm guessing that white women, and black men are also Angry Black Women (as well as Kathy Griffin). But those of you who read this site regularly know that I have made that statement before, so I'd be foolish to deny it.

so, what now?:: ugh, it's this: I'm running across these intellectually "strong black men" and they're finding me to be, er - too much of a "challenge". Or too "complicated". Or too "masculine". Or too "aggressive". Or not ___ enough. And no, it's not just me, it's my cohorts, my contemporaries, my sisterfriends both online and offline. We're having encounters with brothas who basically find us to be "too" much or not enough, and are moving on to easier conquests or suitable mates. Or something along those lines.

It's almost as if, this Myth was just that at the time of it's re-emergence: a myth. A re-invention of the Sapphire stereotype, retooled to "fit" into a modern context, and promoted as a viable answer to the many questions of why black women and men cannot "get along". HOWS-N-EVER, it has now seeped surreptitiously into popular consciousness, so intrinsic that those that toss out the stereotype don't even realize what the original sterotype referred to. It's easy to chalk up a woman's contrary opinions to her 'negativity" and dismiss her as one of "those" chicks, the black b*tch, a certified member of the She-Woman Man Haterz club. So now, folks just toss it out there, and it seemingly sticks.

breakin' it down, so it can forever and consistently be broke:: DP put me on to this article, by an author who apparently has written a book related to this very subject. The original incensifier (fyi - I know that's not a word, it's a joke). Now, let me break down my problem with this article, and others similar to this:

more on rejection:: see, it's almost as if there's a bevy of ABW's out here, calling brothers sorry, and turning their backs on them. Refusing to deal with them, angrily sitting in front of the computer (am I telling on myself?), lashing back out, shouting with their actions, their high-paid/high-profile jobs, incomes and lifestyles:

WE DON'T NEED YOU! WE CAN DO FINE BY OURSELVES!

*giggles* That's definitely not what's happening though. What's happening is brothers are using this stereotype as an excuse to engage in unmanly, uncivil, disrespectful, infantile and non-nurturing behaviors. And sisters are becoming more accepting of them, because - newsflash - the black community is in shambles, and black men have issues. Sisters are buying into this, and helping to perpetuate the ABW myth. So they go out of their way to prove they're not an ABW, and accept brothers that are "sorry". It's an updated case of the victim being blamed, and accepting responsibility for being victimized, yes. But it's also an updated case of long-held stereotypes being perpetuated. Alls I'm saying is, be concious of what you bring to life. If you go into a situation prepared for a sister to be "negative" and she shares her experience, and that experience is negative, it's pretty easy to make the leap that she's an ABW. It's so much harder to say, "you know, your concerns are legitimate, but that's not me" - and then prove it. Which is why I disliked Diary of a Mad Black Woman (and its ilk) so much, because it was so farfetched. Most brothers, given a perceived ABW (even if she was legitimately angry) would cut tail and run in the other direction.

some real-life dating examples: I'm dating er, a few different people. Not sexing, just dating, trying to get to know them better. In the last 2 weeks:
~ a first-dater suggested that he wanted to see me naked. Right then.
~ a dater "interviewed" me, and suggested I was a challenge, but he figured I was "tameable"
~ a dater no-showed (no call, nothing)
~ a dater lied about his current state of employment

I've love to say these are exceptions, but they're not. My sisterfriends share similar stories with me. So if a sister comes at you outta pocket (as I know many women do) don't just dismiss her, but at least ponder the reasons why.

I love black men. Love them like I love my left arm, because frankly, I couldn't do much without it. And when I (and my sistren) are critical, it's because I/we still care. But fellas, for real, y'all got to do better. And when you do, only then will we become less "angry". Not that I'm admitting we are.

Posted by saga_30311 at 01:57 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

January 30, 2006

invisible woman

...On dating while nappy, and my non-existent lovelife...




Barnes and Noble nights::
Y'all know about the grad school grind, so I won't reiterate. Let's just say the social highlight of my week is now my Friday Night trip to B&N and Starbucks. So, to be "wild", and change up my routine, I try to rotate the B&N/Starbucks, and find new spots. So, I'm in the B&N closest to home (a new thing for me), and I'm studying - between checking out the cuties.

Let me digress momentarily, and redefine cutie. Cutie:: corporate casually dressed brother (think suitjacket and jeans), also adorned with watch, laptop case (briefcase/messenger bag/one-shoulder backpack), car keys, and actual books, who's also at B&N to do double-duty - handle biz, and check out chicks.

So, spot this one cutie, who's old enuff to be a contender, and sporting highlighted books and legal pad, which means he's either a)also in school or b)an entrepreneur. He had on a pair of black, heavy-framed square nerd classes, that he was managing to put an oh-so-sexy spin on that wouldn't stop....dayum, digressed again. Ok, so I'm checking out said cutie, and said cutie is...ignoring me. Completely. Like I'm 10-day old Spam that's been left out on the countertop, leaving a grease trail leading back to the can it plopped out of. Meanwhile, he's checking out every OTHER sister that's walking by, while occasionally highlighting the same two pages in this book, over and over for about two hours. Dayum. I check my breath, clothes - they're tight, so what gives?

life in the fat lane::
Weeelll...let's be really honest. REALLY honest. Saga (that would be me) weighs in at well over 200lbs. Hell, it's so far over 200 lbs, that it's well more than any average brother. Even more than some non-average brothers, ok? So, I'm VERY conscious of the fact that men are visual creatures, and the visual I'm presenting may not be every Fortune 500 working man's cup of tea. I don't date short/small men, so I understand - we all have our desires, and there's nothing whatsoever wrong with that.

BUT - this is Georgia we're talking about here, one of the few states that allows the sale of unrefrigerated fatback at gas stations. (BOOOOO - that was the dayum yankee in me str8 hatin. sowwy). My point is, that Big Girls Get Love in da South, too. Big Girls with Yellow/Red/Blue hair, with extra-short micro-miniskirts, with jail tattos and facial piercings. Even Big Girls with BO, facial piercings, jail tattoos...ok, you get the idea. I'm just saying, it can't be just that I'm fat...

theAngryBlackWoman syndrome::
I don't even have to define it - because Denene, Angela and Mitzi did a good job of that at AngryBlackWoman.com. (fyi - you can read an excerpt of their book here). So, theBabyDaddy, Sadat and SG have concurred that not only do I have it, but I've got it so bad that I actually need an antidote to keep from scaring off small children, and some animals. As far as this subject is concerned, I think in the last 90-180 days, I've given all three of them the opportunity to kiss my a$$.

However, theChaos, Mia and theVixen are chiming in that my smile is so publicly rare, they thought I had front teeth missing, or had gotten a titanium grill and was self-conscious about it. Since technically I don't want any chicks (or children) kissing my a$$, I took their words to heart, and flashed the pearlies at said cutie. He ran (ok, he actually just packed up his stuff and walked, but the retreat was pretty hasty).

I then tried to flirt with the older-gentleman at table two, but then his compatriot (not sure if it was his date, or daughter) joined him - a 25 yr old big beautiful girl, with colored contacts, and long hair...long, flowing weaved, hair....

nappy is as...:
Invisible Woman<singing>"Her name is Lindy...." I love being nappy-headed. Love it. LOVE it. Love it to the point where I even love the moments of Don King-ness - when my shyt is reaching for the sky, in no particular order. Y'all know them first coupla weeks after New Year's when I was MIA? I was in Lowe's e'errrryday, naps sticking out e'errrrywhere, buying all kinds of crap I needed for the crib. Mind you, I was off from work, and could easily have been doing my hair in braids, twists, cornrows, etc. I walked around, sans makeup, sweats, hair wild, reaching to the sky (see pic at right). No I didn't "fix it" - because I love my wild, natural hair.

As for the brothers....well, they won't come out and admit it, but I don't think the brothers love the wild natural hair. Some brothers flat out LOVE long hair. Some brothers flat out LOVE straight hair. Some brothers flat out LOVE coiffed, professionally "done" hair. Again, just like living in the fat lane, I understand and respect that. I'd like to think that I look as beautiful as that pic (at the very top - the Carmen Jones pic) all the time, but the reality is that there are Don King days (like the flower pic), and while I think those days are beautiful too, some brothers ain't feeling that.

Even my friends have noted this, which is where the (what I like to call) "Lindy" song evolved. theVixen, having informed me that I needed to broaden my dating horizons and entertain dating outside my race, suggested that my future unnamed Indian husband is destined to sing me the following <...in bad Hindu accent...> "Lindy is my baby, my baby is Lindy, I love to run my fingers thru her beootiful nappy hai-ir..." In other words, I'm more likely to get anyone but a brother to attempt to run their fingers through the naps. The brothas know...they may pull back a nub.

aside:: why does it burn my a$$ so much that so many "natural" (loc'd, pro-black, "conscious", etc) men, prefer women who are ultra-coiffed, and therefore "un-natural"? I dunno - but it does.

boo-boo really smells like lil-lies::
bantu_knot_outSo, while my self-image is fan-friggin-tastic - wait, let me digress again. My self-image is at an all-time, 40 year high. Let me 'splain. I've always been pretty, to others, and in my own mind. However, being female, I'd struggled with my weight, self-consciousness, and negative body image, for a long time. But I've always known that confidence can overcome a lot of obstacles, so most folks that met me would never know that. Fate being a great equalizer, and after coming thru lots of drama, I've learned that just as we define our own destiny, we also design other people's perceptions of us. And frankly, to anyone else's negative perception of me, I really have never given a lot of thought.

Jump to today, and now that I've got a coupla degrees under my belt, I'm a homeowner, with better than average credit (still working on good...lol), a decent job, and intelligence & humility beyond measure (lmao) - I think my boo-boo smells way better than roses, really more like dragon lillies, and only a discerning brother has the nose to note the variation.

BUT...

invisible woman::
spacer...the brothas ain't checking for me, at all. Let me repeat that - the brothas ain't checkin for me. Not at the grocery store, gas station, school, work - not at the club, museum, gallery, movies. Like said cutie, I'm the big, nappy-headed sista standing in front of the sista he's really trying to get at. Is it because of _______ (fill in the blanks: fat, nappy, attitude, all of the above)? I don't know, but I want to know. I do - because I care. Lindy song, or no Lindy song - I may not need a brotha, but I want a brotha. Not just a man, but a black man. And I want that brotha to want me.

And, since my big nappy head is kinda swole from the job, the house, the MBA program, etc. - I ain't been making it any easier on the brothas to try and get at me. Even though 40 and I are just about best friends, and even though I'm excited about becoming friends with the big 4-0, and even though at 40 I'm fly, and sometimes get mistaken for 2X or early-3X, I want a grown a$$ man to step to me, not vice-versa. I went through that momentary "my eggs are about to die" frenzy a few years back, got past it, and ain't trying to revisit it. I'm not chasing, I want to be pursued, still want the man to be the aggressor, yanno?

thePoint::
rollersetSo, given all that, here's what I'm facing: the pinhead field. See, every metric point I mentioned narrows the field of available eligible men that I'm willing to date: They have to want a fat chick. They have to want a nappy-headed chick. They have to want someone whose life (and a$$) is full and well-rounded. They have to want a woman with a strong, independent spirit. They have to want a woman who is so confident, that she's cool with occasionally looking like Don King.

As I tick off the list of metrics, I visualize that field slowly, yet discernibly narrowing. Eliminate the homosexual, inter-racial preferring, sorry (go here for my definition of sorry), brothers, as well as the will-definitely-be-threatened-by-my-success brothas, and that field is literally the size of the head of a #10 straightpin.

So, to said cutie: I understand. And to that pinhead brotha: I'm still waiting & looking for you.

Posted by saga_30311 at 02:18 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

July 03, 2005

the bantu knot experiment




collage
Originally uploaded by saga_30311.



My coworker came to work the previous week with a faux-hawk/fro-hawk: cornrows in the direction of the center of her head, with the rest of her 'fro loose & curly. Very cute, 'specially she looks like a model.


So, in honor of her brave style, and because I was feeling inspired...AND rebellious (in a "I hate my job" kind of way) - I decided to put the bantu knots in and dare anyone (old boss, new boss, HR) to say something to me! I just KNEW I was gonna have to choke a bich.


Hm. That so backfired. My new boss was so impressed, she wanted to see if I could do her hair. Old boss was completely non-plussed. The HR person did do a double take, then saw that my shoes & pants were also violating the dress code, and just kept it moving. He probably thinks I just don't give a flip. He'd be absolutely correct. Oh well.


I did have to head one of my former coworkers off at the pass. I was talking to another former boss and a colleague, and this guy walks up and goes: "So, is this the hairstyle, or....?" and I just cut him off before he even finished his sentence: "Yes, this is the hairstyle. Not the prelude to the hairstyle. Not the prep for the hairstyle. This is it. It'll be this way the rest of the week, if you want to take a picture. Meanwhile, I'm not taking it down." He mumbled something about it being cute, and walked off. Think I stole his thunder?


The other pics - the lighter ones, are the result of my taking it down. How cute is that? I posted both the bantu knot and the takedown instructions in flickr - click the pic or link to access it. Meanwhile, I need to come up with a more rebellious hairstyle. Sheesh...lol.

Posted by saga_30311 at 02:25 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

June 05, 2005

stripping the perm from the mind

My coworker is losing her hair. It's been a slow process, but some combination of thinning, breakage, the fine-ness of her hair, and her hair routine has resulted in hair loss. Substantial enough to be noticeable for anyone who is really looking, albeit not enough to be apparent to those who are not. Some hairline alopecia + some mid-range baldness = visibly thinning hair.

I've watched & listened to her struggle with this over the last few months. I've seen her go from roller sets, to body waves, to sewn-in weaves. She's tried various products, from hair volumizing shampoos to scalp stimulating hair grease. She's changed salons at least 6 times, and is now consulting a "Hair Doctor" to assist in stemming the loss.

aside: unless the stylist as a PhD in Hairology, why do people actually buy into these bullshyt a$$ titles? But, I digress.

I want to be as supportive as possible from a sista-girl standpoint, but I'm also a realist. I had to tell her. You need to let go of the lye. But no matter how many examples I give her, now matter how much I try to convince her, no matter how many sisters I show her, that we both know, that have stopped "perming" their hair and whose hair has recovered, she can't let go of the idea of perming.

I've heard this argument from friends, family members, colleagues and coworkers. That I have "good" hair, and their hair is "nappy" (meaning not good). That natural hair won't look "right" on them. That natural hair is too much work, that it's unprofessional, that it's messy, that it's unmanageable. I've tried to subtly, gently and civilly encourage them, without sounding preachy, sanctimonius or self-righteous.

I'm not trying to save the entire world from Alberto-Culver, one head at a time. I just want African American women to use some common sense when it comes to using products on our hair. And the only way to do that, IMHO, is to strip the perm from their minds.

We all know we're bombarded with negative images that damage our self-perception. What we don't all necessarily know is how pervasive these images are. Turn on any show on the "black" stations (UPN, Fox on certain nights, BET, TVOne, etc.), or a show on any station that features a primarily black cast and you'll be bombarded with commercials for black hair products. These commercials are stocked with women with A) long, B) relaxed, C) unnatural (meaning they're probably wearing a weave, fall, wig or some other additions) hair. Even the commercials targeting women with "natural" hair may feature women with fake locs, wigs or hair extensions, women that are overly "coiffed", no hairs astray, whose stylist is waiting on standby during the taping, ready to fix curl # 1,287 if it falls slightly, or looks dull. These same hair models are featured in black publications, as well as billboards and signage in urban areas, and the same products are in radio drops across the country. We're hard pressed to escape it.

So, it's completely unsurprising that we, as African American people, women in particular, would hate the natural state of our hair so much. We're conditioned to think it's wrong, that it needs to be fixed, and that it can only be presentable when altered. It's almost like a degenerative disease, that takes us over as small children, and just stays with us until we die, or don a wig, forever. Take a peek at the mother board of your local church, or talk to your grandmother's peer group. Do any of them have any of their own hair left?

How do you fight this? I don't know that I have an easy answer for that. For me, it was a process. But I can list some of the steps that helped me.

Visualize the timeframe in which your hair was its healthiest. And I'm not talking about when you went to that expensive stylist for that "fly" cut. Cute does not equal healthy. I'm talking about the period of time when you experienced the least breakage, the most softness, good moisturization, the most growth, and your hair appeared to be well take care of. For me, it was between the ages of 10-14 years old. I maybe got my hair pressed once a month, but most of the time my mom kept my hair braided. Even though I was swimming routinely, she rinsed & conditioned my hair regularly, and kept heat & alcohol-based products away from it. I had long, soft hair, that needed very little trimming and very little maintenance. That's the point I wanted to get to.

Understand the nature of the products you're putting on your hair. Sodium Hydroxide, Calcium Hydroxide, Silcone-based chemicals, Alchol-based chemicals, etc. All induce dryness, and can possibly alter the chemical structure of the hair shaft itself. Yes, I know - this is the whole reason for relaxing in the first place. But, if your hair is thin, and you're using products that strip the outer layers of the hair shaft from the hair, your hair will become even thinner. And if your hair is dry, using products that absorb or repel moisture, like Silicone and Alcohol, will make your hair dryer. And then once your hair is dry, and thin, breakage is the natural evolution of this combo...

Understand the business model underlying the hair & beauty care industry. You, in your natural state, isn't good enough. It may be ok, but then again, it's probably "ugly". Or blotchy, or reddened, or spotty, or wrinkled, or pale, or dark, or short, or unmanageable, or...nappy. The only way you can be better, is to use ___________ product(s). So, as I said previously, the $$$ isn't in the cure, it's in the treatment. They have to keep fixing you, in order to keep that $$$ rolling in. No hair grease will make hair grow faster - that's just not biologically possible. Your hair grows from below the surface of the scalp, not from the hair shaft. No conditioner will make the hair shaft fuller - it's just a mask to make it appear fuller. Stop using those products, and those same issues you originally had will crop up. The industry is selling fantasies, and pricey ones at that.

Talk to women with the kind of hair you want. I refuse to take hair advice from folks whose hair is damaged. That's like asking a fat person how to lose weight. (I'm fat, and I can tell you - that is pretty dayum foolish). Talk to elders who have healthy hair, male and female. I did, and started hearing...leave that heat alone, or avoid certain products. Modify your hair routine, to de-stress the hair, by avoiding heat, avoiding overstyling, etc. Also, they're a pretty good resource for salon or stylist advice. Chances are, they've found someone they like, that's good for styling their hair, or who's well versed in the true "care" of African-American hair.

Understand the psychology behind the nap. Not to get into a long history lesson, but at some point - We as a people weren't good enough, and the seeds of self-hate were placed in us, to make us complacent enough to be easily managed. Our hair self-hate and issues with our perception of beauty in ourselves is a huge chunk at the heart of this. We hate the nap, because we were taught to hate the nap, not because the nap is hateful or deserves our hate. This is crucial to understand before you can...

Embrace the nap. It's God-made, and nothing He makes is bad, ugly, unmanageable or imperfect. Ok, yeah - that sounds real sanctimonious coming from someone who uses curl activator to make their nappy hair curl up. My point is - the nap is not bad, and it's not inherently good. It's just a nap. Or, it's justly a nap. Love it, and it'll love you back. But it doesn't need you to validate it's existence. It just is, and the sooner you learn to work with it in its natural state, the sooner that it's natural state will be healthy.

Create/Find resources that will support you as you decide what to do with your hair. Stripping your own mind of the perm ain't easy. Stripping someone else's mind is dayum near impossible. So just like a junkie, you can't hang around your crackhead friends, and think you can stay clean. My mom was so pissed when I cut off my perm, she didn't speak to me for a while. My friends thought I'd lost my mind. So I found new friends, and online resources like Nappturality.com, that supported my decision, and that could nurture me with tough-love when I backslid. Cause we all backslide. You just have to set up a barrier to keep you from backsliding too far, and that's what your nappy network is for.

You can't rinse the perm from your mind with Apple Cider Vinegar (even if it is a really good rinse for your hair). You can't cut it out with shears, and you can't braid it up and cover it with 14" Silken Yakky. This is the real work, and it starts from within. However, stripping it will free you to sense and sensibility when it comes to your hair. Only then, can you figure out the healthiest way to accomplish what you want to do with your hair. But you'll be grounded in the knowledge that you CAN leave that creamy crack (perm) alone. Now, given all this... Are you ready?

Posted by saga_30311 at 09:11 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

May 05, 2005

the faux curly pudding experiment - v1


ETA:: *APPLAUSE* to all the "Curve Salon customers" who keep perusing my site, and adding their testimonials for Curve Salon's services and products - congratulations. I'm so glad that your experience at Curve was pleasant, and that you're completely satisfied with their products. Good for you. However, as your thinly veiled endorsements have proven your inability to read, let me clarify something. I am not, and probably (considering how asinine these comments keep getting) will never be a Curve customer. Your "testimonials" (which I believe are just Curve's owners attempts to drive more business to their site) ring false, and since I clearly stated in the original post - this was an attempt tp recreate Curly Pudding, not use of the actual product. Having read all the comments posted here, I'm convinced - overspending on Salon service & products tends to make women functionally illiterate and obsessed with said product & services. Now...back to the original post...

ok, so I kept hearing about this gel that "brings out the curl pattern in natural hair". Saw a blurb about this in Essence, and heard about it on NP. Now, I love my napps, but I was looking for a wash & go style, that would mimic the braidouts I like - without having to braid every couple of days. So I figured this was worth a shot.

However, I am a skeptic. $28 buck is a lot for some gel, without knowing whether it was worth it. I also had thoughts of Rio perms and no-damage flat-irons in mind. So I was surfing Nappturality (NP) and came across this recipe:

curl activator + aloe vera gel + essential oil = faux curly pudding.

Still skeptical, I waited until someone who'd tried it really broke that formula down.

holding gel + moisture + shine = voila!

Since that made sense, and the ingredients were non-damaging, easy to find and cheap, I figured it was worth a shot. So, I gathered all the stuff, and since my hair was already stretched from some week old flat-twists, I wet my hair and applied the faux pudding according to the kinks to curls instructions.

so - pics of the results are on flickr - click the pic above to access them. Meanwhile, I was ok with the results. It was a lil greasy for my tastes, and I think that the resultant "curl pattern" was due more to my week-old twists, than the pudding.

moral: try before you buy - I'm glad I did. And learn to love the naps, so you don't give away your $$$ for naught. kinks to curls indeed...lol.



Note to any additional Curve customers wanting to post an "endorsement":: Since the point was already "made", and I control comments here, I'm no longer approving these "endorsements". Please note the sarcasm in the comment above - I won't let my site be a free advertisement for Curve.

Posted by saga_30311 at 10:29 PM | Comments (21) | TrackBack

May 03, 2005

loving the brown-black nappy aesthetic...

I think I've been subconcsiously inspired by Xquizzyt and BrownShuga's
explorations on race, and my lurking recently on NP. This is my love letter, and my heartfelt promotion of my nappiness.


When I became nappy my mind became free. And this allowed me to question the world, and what was important, and what was definitely not. Like whether it really matters if my edges are straight every day, including the week of touchups. And whether I really cared what Bronner Brother Show extras confrontationally spit in my face about my hair. And whether it was more important to me to have hair, or to have straight hair. Or to have Pantene commercial hair, that you can easily run your fingers through. And whether I wanted a man to want me because I (meaning: my hair, my a$$, my clothes, my shoes, my nails, my jewelry...) was cute, or because I had my mind right. Finances right. House in order.

When I embraced being nappy, I embraced the beautiful blackness in me. The chocolately-ness of my skin, every hyper-pigmentation mark on my forehead, fullness of my lip and thigh, every curve on my body. I accepted all the beauty in my blackness, that which was obvious, and even that which only I could see.

And I began to see that beauty in every black-brown person I came across. Cafe au lait with freckles, dark sepia tones, caramel, pecan and every flavor of black-brown in between that I came across. Curly haired, wavy haired, nappy haired, and even straight haired - knowing it was not for me, I could still admire this on others (even if I prefer to see hair in chunks, instead of sheets). I still catch myself sometimes, staring at some person that may/may not know how really perfect they are, in and of themselves. Without manipulation, without ornamentation. Just them - raw, naked and appealing. The G'd in them shining through.

It was like, when I finally came to the realization that the image of beauty that I'd been raised with, was forced upon me by someone/something that hated me centuries ago, and perpetuated for the sake of promoting capitalism in the form of the beauty/hair industry, someone lifted off my blinders and I could finally really see.

Sometimes, I imagine that my coming to terms with my natural hair was like a blind person seeing a flower for the first time. The flower was always there, and you have a sense of it - you can smell it, touch it and taste it. But without really seeing it, it's just not the same flower. Imagine never seeing a flower, then regaining your site and walking into a flower garden. That’s me loving my hair and myself, all over again.

For those considering becoming natural, becoming nappy...you may be wondering what you have to do/be in order to make the transition. You're probably thinking that it's hard work, that it's a long process, and that there's a lot of effort required on your part. Yes, there is. And the most challenging and rewarding effort you're going to put forth is to remove the lye from your mind. To do this, you need to be bold, feminine, ornate, flexible, sublime, confident, strong, clever, subtle, intelligent, obvious, sensual, delicate, resilient, agile...but most of all you need to be determined. Determined to love your napps despite what the world may say/think/do about your hair, because in the end it's only you that really matters, and only your self-image that really counts. It's only you that will keep you nappy, and only you that will love your napps, ultimately. Anything above that..well, that's just a bonus.

Posted by saga_30311 at 03:09 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

April 18, 2005

why nappy me?

Note to the non-nappy, or folks wondering what the big deal is:   Hair Matters.

I went natural with the intention to not go natural. Let me 'splain.

I am one of "those" women - the kind that seems to efforlessly grow hair without a lot of thought/effort. The kind that seems to wear a pixie cut one year, and then a shoulder-length wrap the next. I come from a line of "those" women, you know...the kind that have (ahem) "good hair". My aunts, cousins, mom and grandma all had various states of curly, wavy and nappy hair, and most prided themselves on their hairdo. Our hair was our crowning glory, some tenous link to the "Indian" in our heritage - except that no one could tell me which tribe.

Without going over the whole history of my napps, a brief synopsis; I started going to the hairdresser to get my hair pressed when I was 4, had bra-length hair when I was 11, got my first perm when I was 13. The important thing to note: I had no clue how to take care of my own hair. And was completely uncomfortable with my napps. Perming-my-hair-at-the-first-sign-of-nappy-roots-uncomfortable, which was roughly every 4 weeks.

Skip ahead to 1997-1999: After years of abuse (color on top of perm, perming too often, and using alcohol & heat on it daily) combined with stress (you read the FL chronicles, right?) and a healthy dose of Depo-Provera I had a bald spot, breakage, and literally - straw.

My mother went partially & permanently bald at age 35, from some combination of permanent haircolor, and relaxer.

I cried when I looked in the mirror, longing for my 11-year old, bra-length hair. I wore falls, as expensive as my limited budget allowed (think Star Jones). I plotted, connived, straw set, spent endless dollars - anything to cover up my hair loss.

I got microbraids to give me length, which was the deathknell for my perm. I'd allowed the braider to put knots in my micros, after she assured me none of my hair was in the knots. HUGE mistake - but one that freed me. Removing the braids also removed more of my permed hair, revealing tons of nappy natural roots, with frayed permed ends.

Thoughts of my bra-length hair still plagued me, and it finally hit me. When I was 11, my hair was pressed occasionally, but mostly kept in pony tails. Long, nappy braids. My family, for the most part, either spent tons at the salon to avoid damage, or were natural also. So, I went natural, thinking I'd grow my hair out enough to "do something with it", and then press on a regular basis.

Well, go natural it was. I found a local salon, Taliah Waajid's to get it cut, and get an introductory education, since I still didn't know what to do with it. The result"

I liked it, but wasn't in love with it. My mother bought me plaid shirts and Doc Martens, convinced I was gay. I overcompensated with MAC, fake nails and Dendera eyebrows. However, this was circa Jill Scott, India.Arie, Lauryn and Erykah, so it was trendy. I'd learn to love it.

And then I found Nappturality. And my real hair-education began. That's when I learned that Hair Matters, and that black women's issues with hair are deeply ingrained, longstanding and P.R.O.F.I.T.A.B.L.E. That's where I began to learn: about the self-hate that underlies our images in the media, that most black haircare companies are owned by beauty conglomerates that (similar to pharmaceutical companies) profit more by making us continuously "fix" problems that they help cause, that people can get still get fired for having nappy hair, even in 2002, and that's where I learned to groom, style, nurture, cultivate and love my nappy hair.

< stepping off soap box > whew, it's been a long road, y'all. Meanwhile, here I am, still fighting my inner-straight-hair-demon. Tomorrow, I'm getting my napps cut, again - which I damaged (flat-ironed) in an attempt at conformity. What was I thinking? My hair wasn't having it, and neither am I. Nothing against, Sanaa, Jada, Latifah (love their straight - allegedly natural hair) but I want, no I NEED my super-nappy, EMPOWERING, Angela Davis, Big Ass Afro back.

The result:


Yeah, I know - it's not a fro. There's always tomorrow.

Posted by saga_30311 at 11:43 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

March 29, 2005

nappy ole me

ok, I've been nappy for a sec now, and y'all probably want to know what nappy ole me looks like, right?

I wish I'd blogged more about the journey, but I'll try to regale you with stories. Yes, I have a love-hate relationship with my napps hair - all women, str8 or nappy, do. More on this later.

Oh, and thanks to Elle for the inspiration. And yes, I hope she goes for it ;-)

Posted by saga_30311 at 07:05 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

March 13, 2005

the categories:: saga's got some 'splainin' to do...

yeah, there's a method to my madness. so to make the whole thing clear as fog:

A few more caveats - even though I'm a displaced Yankee, living in the hottness - Atlanta is all over this biyotch. I'm amazed sometimes how things go down, down hea - but that sentiment hits all categories, hence no one thang for Hotlanta. And yes, being African-American colors my perception of everything. So, all categories are painted in shades of blackness - some things more obviously than others.

Now that you've read the primer - go forth, and blogtiply. (Maybe I shoulda had a category for corn?)

Posted by saga_30311 at 10:23 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack