author's note: feel free to play this with the rhythm only version of Marvin Gaye's "I Want You" playing in the background. Go get it...I'll wait...
I want someone who wants me.
I started writing this with the thought "I don't want to be objectified anymore" firmly in my mind, but that comes off really negative. Even if it is accurate. My lovelife is a series of unfortunate events, but one commonality is that the men I've dated love/like PART of me. As an object. But not all of me. The cute part. Or the smart part. Or the sexy part. But not always all of the above. Objects, not the totality. And I don't want to be objectified anymore.
However, even as that's true - I don't want to be negative.
So here's what I'm positive about.
I want someone who wants me. All of me. Good, bad & ugly. I want someone who wants me sexually, but also wants the intelligent me. The me who analyzes almost anything/everything. The me who pays way too much attention to detail, and still manages to see the big picture. The one that makes change in their head when she checks out at the grocery store.
The snoring me. The me who likes to stay up/out late and sleep late on weekends. The me who thinks she's sexy in your old holey t-shirts me. The me that volunteers because she's blessed and feels that service is our duty. The me who believes in community and the "talented tenth". The me that has a tattoo on. her. neck.
I want someone who wants the me that cannot make grits to save her life. And the me that likes Marvel Comic books. And the me that thinks chitlins are disgusting - even if he personally eats chitlins. He has to understand that I will never learn how to make them for him. But I will make him salmon croquettes, even tho I don't eat them. And my salmon croquettes are pretty awesome.
He has to like the sensitive me. The me that cries every time I watch Shug sing "God is Trying to Gell You Something" to her father in "The Color Purple". Or tweaks the thighs of fat babies. And routes for the underdog.
I could go on, but you get it right? I am c-o-m-p-l-i-c-a-t-e-d. And imperfect. And more than just a phat ass, an education, a decent job and a hoopty. I'm more than an addiction to fashion, a penchant for reality TV shows and a healthy addiction to Kerri Washington's lips.
I'm more than just a pretty face. More than just an icon to be idolized from afar. And I need that someone to know THAT in his bones and love all of that. Or at least have an appreciation for the parts of me that aren't easy to like. I'm human. Imperfect.
And constantly evolving. People change. When he signs up for "me" I need him to also understand that "me" is an ever-evolving entity. He has to want that too.
Because ...see...that's what I want. I don't want to fall head over heels for a monolith.
I want...him. Someone awesome. Human. Imperfect. And deserving of my penchant for X-Men, Norma Kamali, passport stamps, Goodwill runs, RHOA and $5 matinees at AMC.
Yes, I want someone that wants me.